Rooney v Ireland.

Just before the England V Ireland kick off, Rooney goes into the dressing room and finds the other players looking pissed off.
"What's up lads?" He says. Lampard moans. "We can't get motivated for this game. It's only Ireland and they're such a load of crap, we just can't be arsed. Rooney says. "You lads bugger off to the boozer and have a few, I reckon can beat this lot on my own."
So, Rooney trots out on to the pitch to take on Ireland by himself and the rest of the team clear off to the pub.
After they'd had a few bevvies they check up on the tv ceefax to see how the game is going. A big cheer goes up as the score reads,
England 1 (Rooney 10 minutes) Ireland 0. Rooney is beating Ireland by himself. They have a load more drinks and a couple of hours later, realise that the game must be over. They check the final score and see that it's a draw.
England 1 (Rooney 10 minutes) Ireland 1 (O'Mary 89minutes)
They give a massive cheer and stagger back to the dressing room and find Rooney sitting with his head in his hands. He moans. "I've let you all down, I should have beat them." The team are all round him, patting him on the back and saying that a draw was fantastic.. one man playing a full team? f****n' great result.
Rooney cries. "No, no, I've let you down......

I got sent off after eleven minutes."
Think its page 33, Scotland V Brazil, slightly better,
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