The other half came back at the weekend after several weeks working away. Whilst he was away we kept in touch on the phone, making all the right romantic noises about what we'd do to each other when he got home. It was the usual marathon sessions achieving every conceivable position in every room, when in reality we both knew it would be a lustful 3 pumps and a squirt!

Anyway being on a promise I thought I’d better make an effort, I donned some clean knickers, shaved my tongue, trimmed my tash, squirted some Pledge under the armpits then seductively draped myself over the couch (NOT European holdy open) and waited.

True to form he came in and delivered his promise, giving me the "time of my life"... (all five minutes anyway). As he lay there looking up at me, time seemed to slow as we gazed lovingly into each others eyes, revelling in the orgasmic pleasure we had shared. Just as I though he was about to tell me how much he loved and missed me as he stroked his hand softly down my cheek.... he paused for a moment then said
"F.uck me, there was enough to fill a pint glass there"

Am I the only one privy to such romantic behaviour? :D
I'm sure MRs MDN could add to this one, but sadly she isn't allowed indoors until dawn to start cleaning. (And I'm fcuked if I'll ever let her on here) :D

I once overheard her on the phone to her pal, must have been around Valentines day.

'Romance, MDN.... your joking, the most romantic thing he can do is fart on every step to the bathroom'

I felt like belting her, I was romantic enough to go and get the tissues, save it dripping down her leg and onto the floor :D
It only counts as romance if he doesn't wipe it off on the curtains.
claire_midia said:
Cait.... Fannytastic any more.....but this time can you tell it slower.
And with pictures???????? :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
I remember years ago, i was sharing a 4 man bunk on one of my tours, and this young wrac whom had recieved some special sabre loving many times, had snuck over to my room, and laid on the bed fully clothed. When i came back from the toilets and proclaimed in the loudest voice going
" God that Shite was better than sex"
Hearing the rest of the lads in the room laughing there heads off, i was feeling pleased i had the guys in fits
Till i turned to look at my bunk, to find i was getting Bear stares from the said Wrac,
Lets just say I didnt get anything that night!!
I find nothing more romantic than a nice box of fine red wine shared between me and soon to be Mrs Doghead, a bit of foreplay and then going at it like two posessed jack russels.
What i cant understand is why she drops her arrse when i pull out and fire dog fat all over her face??
I think it shows that i've put alot of love and effort into it, but she doesn't agree.
I've now had to revert to keeping a poker straight face and sneakin up on her, and when she least expects it and hasn't got her defenses up.....i let her have it!!
This usually results in her running round the bedroom trying to rub the said dog fat on me.... who said romance was dead :p
one day whilst bathing, mrs mooch entered the bathroom in a horny little mood and started to...shall we say give me head, it was wonderful and once i had sent my troops on a mission down dark tunnel, she looked up at me, smiled sweetly and wanted a kiss, why not i thought, she deserves it......... can you guess the end?
yep! she spat it in my mouth and said "if you cant swallow your own cum why should you expect me too" like to say i spat it out but hey, there is no other feeling like deploying into a warm inhostile enviroment is there?!


This brings to mind the time when I was posted to Belize and living in the mess at APC. For some reason I had to spend about 10 days down at San Ig and was thus missing the aid and comfort which was then being supplied by a very nice QA.

Anyway, when I got back to APC, I had time for a quick shower etc, then dinner, and then went back to my room where, to my great joy, I found said QA in my pit. To cut a long story short the dear girl was giving me a good old nosh when I realised things were moving faster than usual. I'd just about managed to say: 'Oh yeah, I'm com....' and she'd pulled slightly away when she got the full-on porn film splat in the face, slightly aggravated by the fact that I'd not had a chance to 'ease springs' for about a week. At this point, she buried her face in her hands and I was thinking: 'Sheisse, I've really upset her now.'

So I began to apologise and say how sorry I was and I'd meant to tell her etc etc, and she said: 'No, it's not that, I think you've knocked my contact lens out.'

Ah romance!
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