Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by gingwarr, Jan 10, 2006.

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  1. [​IMG]


    Not them. Them's is Zoids, you see?

    I was worrying more about these.


    Chalfonts. Farmer Giles. Emma Freuds.

    Having had an itchy and sore ricker for the last couple of days, I was wondering whether or not some of the NAAFI residents would be able to tell me exactly what they are and how to self diagnose.

    And let's be honest, it's got to be funnier than putting it in the RAMC forum.

  2. I hope you're washing your hands after a good ol' scrat... or are you saving that finger for a special skiff?
  3. A Gwar with piles. Now that's got to be a really pure form of justice.
  4. Try a little soap and water. :D
  5. Put deep heat on them, if it really f ucking hurts then not only are you a dozy cnut, you probably have piles, let me know.
  6. Yeah.


    Where'd you live? :D
  8. shove 'em back in with yer finger. That's what I do!
  9. Go to RAMC forum. They like a laugh too you know - or......just get your bestest best bezzer to garrotte them with fishing line*

    *No purchase necessary. The value of cr@p advice may rise as well as fall. Always read the label.
  10. Had them myself since I took those NAPS vitamin pills we were given in the sandpit. Germoloids is the best roid cream, but it smells of Germoline, so be careful! You don't want to put roid cream on a zit! :oops:
  11. A soldering iron, they'll never come back then. Or for a more temporary solution you could push them back up with 12 inches of washable latex.
  12. Large Pampers and let nature take its course.
  13. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    wire brush and dettol
  14. You need to keep an eye on the fcukers. Not literally, you'd have to be a contortionist for starters, and your eyeballs would smell of sh1t which would make a trip to the opticians fun.

    A little scratchy, "bulgy vein" and a bit of claret on the bog roll is the start. Lucky people can stabilize their Emmas at this stage through (A) not straining on the bog, (B) thorough use of the old Prep H (cream, not gel, gel stings as bad the fcuking 'roids in my fairly extensive experience) and (C) keeping your back doors clean and minty at all times.

    If you start getting the old "Phase 2" Emmas it's time to see the doctor. This way you won't end up in casualty with a gusset that looks like a scene from "The Thing." I did my TA basic trg at Bassingbourne with a Queensman with epic Emmas. On the CFT they exploded, he looked like he'd been shot up the arse with a wombat. As I was stood behind him I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The DS were frankly awe-struck by his grim determination to continue and he was taken to hospital at the finish line. Of course, this is the type of pluck that wins wars. That was the 80's, nowadays I suppose he'd be carted off by a crack RAMC Proctology Support Unit and given counselling.

    So, to sum up:

    Keep your arse clean and monitor the Emmas. Or else.