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Road Rage Related Ranting

#1
Having recently started a new job, I'm clocking up a lot more miles than I used to. But, God help me if you
(in no particular order):

-Tailgate me
-Carry out 'kamikaze' overtakes approaching a blind corners/ the brow of a hill
-Overtake me in a queue of traffic and then pull in & slam on the anchors
-Dazzle me for 30 seconds before dipping your bastarding headlights
-Dazzle me with your one dim and one blindingly-bright headlight
-Chuck litter out of your car, esp. plastic bottles, which then hit my car
-Come round a corner too fast on my cunting side of the road
-Drive at 35mph on a 60mph speed limit road between towns, and then speed up to 40mph in town, only for me to catch up again in the next 60mph zone when you've slowed down to 35 again. In fact, I'll tell you what, don't use your full beam at night either, thereby making it harder for me to judge whether it's safe to overtake your sorry arse
-Drive a tractor/ heavily laden transit / tow a caravan slowly, for feckin miles, without pulling over and giving others (me) the chance to pass
-Fail to indicate at roundabouts and junctions - tell you what, I'll just use the fucking Force to predict what you're going to do.

... I'll fuckin have the lot of yer. Cunts, every one.

Well okay, I might actually be as soft as shite, but if the shit and twattishly inconsiderate standard of driving I'm witnessing daily goes on, someone's getting a poke in the eye before they put me on my arse.

Feel free to add other road rage related rants, I might feel slightly better knowing that I'm not the only one.
 
#8
Normally undertaken by several types of fuckwit . . . :pissedoff:

- Middle-aged BMW/Merc drivers with a superiority complex
- Middle-aged dwarf housewifes who drive with their faces about 3" from the steering wheel (I brake particulalry hard for these)
- White Van Man (To also include fucking Posties)
- Barely adolescent chavvy cunts in 1998 blue Citreon Saxo's
 
#11
The taligating's what gets me. The number of dickheads who clearly haven't understood that 100 km/h 100 m behind me will get them to their destination just as fast as 100 km/h 100 microns behind me is most impressive. I often fantasize about driving a real-life version of James Bond's Aston Martin that I owned in Matchbox form 45 years ago -- the one with the rearwards-firing machine gun.
 
#12
Yes! Fog lights! Although I must admit I've seen very few people do this, so it irritates me less. Also those mongs who choose whatever speed they want to drive at, and then sit in the centre lane of the motorway at that speed, regardless of whether or not the left-hand lane is empty. Mlaaring shit-for-brains cunts.

I thought about taxi driving as a second job, but add drunk/ obnoxious/ vomiting passengers who don't want to pay, to the above list, I don't think I'd last a shift before being hospitalised with an aneurysm!
 

wedge_cadman

War Hero
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#13
don't forget those cars double parked with their "Jewish Parking Lights" erm.. I mean hazard lights flashing on the Finchley road and Golders Green. Tossers..Oh and all the Merc/BMW driving Arabs around St Johns Wood who think that money is a substitute for good driving.
 
#14
Everything you mention is fairly standard form during an average days motoring in Birmingham.
This is because Brummies are the worst fucking drivers in Her Majesty's Glorious Kingdom.
They are also encouraged in this type of behaviour by our local rozzers who I have yet to see nick any driver for anything.
Unless you park without a ticket or your ticket runs out then it's like the landings at Omaha Beach trying to fight the fuckers off.
 
#15
And fecking beemer drivers! Why oh why do they all have to drive like such gits? A mate of mine bought an old second-hand BMW 5 series estate and actually admitted he immediately started driving like a tailgating, road-owning twat.
 
#16
I once knew a bloke who used to get road rage really bad; he once decided to follow a driver who cut him up at a roundabout. Followed him for miles, through villages and open countryside, until eventually the guy stopped in a lay-by. My mate got out and was walking forward to the other car when he saw the bloke mouth in the rear-view mirror 'I'm sorry' - at which point he about-turned, got back in the car and went home for a serious chat with himself.

If you're reading, hope you're well S** ****ley
 

wedge_cadman

War Hero
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#17
don't forget those cars double parked with their "Jewish Parking Lights" erm.. I mean hazard lights flashing on the Finchley road and Golders Green. Tossers..Oh and all the Merc/BMW driving Arabs around St Johns Wood who think that money is a substitute for good driving.
Though I would like to say thank you to the City of Westminster Parking Enforcement Officer who looked like a rehabilitated Terry Taliban for not ticketing me or clamping me for my illegal parking in a residents only zone yesterday (Sunday)
 
#18
The new BMW driver is Audi man. If you drive an Audi you are - and I have extensive sampling data to back this up - an irretrievable Cunt.

Road Rage is my favourite hobby. Living out in the cuds as I do its a simple task to stop the wankers on a lonely stretch of country road and stab them in the eyeballs. Its always best to ensure there is a handy body of water to dipose of the car in.

Also you generally get a few hours grace and favour internet shopping in on their credit cards before the Ban Hammer hits.

Once again. All Audi Drivers are Cunts.
 
#19
I once dealt with a call from an irrate motorist who was complaining that other drivers were flashing their headlights at him and giving him the w*nker sign as they went past. He stated he didn't need his lights on because the official lighting up time wasn't for another 30 minutes. Even when I pointed out that I was in an office 3 miles from the motorway phone he was ringing from (not many mobiles back then) and that I could not see the roof of the building opposite even though it was only 12 feet away because of the thick fog, he still insisted that he was right and that all the others (including me) were wrong. There is no telling some people.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#20
Clearly you drive a small shitty car. Get a big fuck off imposing truck and no cunt will mess with you. The fear of being crushed appears to concentrate one's mind a little. Even Arabs and Audi drivers give way to me now.

And yes those dicks on Finchley Road really piss me off too.
 

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