Road Jousting.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Tartan_Terrier, May 10, 2012.

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  1. Part of the country road I drive on the way to work seems to have been cunningly designed exclusively for the purpose of encouraging the sport of road jousting. That is that the tarmac of the road is almost/just wide enough for two cars to pass each other. This means that when you see an oncoming vehicle you have four choices;

    1/ Hold your ground, and hope that the other driver pulls off the road to let you pass.

    2/ Pull to the side and let the other car pass.

    3/ Stop where you are, and let the other guy pull off the road to drive round you.

    4/ Pull into the middle of the road and speed up while reciting verses from the Koran.

    Luckily there is enough room next to the road for options two and three.

    My personal favourite is option 1. For the most part I've had great success with this option, but unfortunately I have also met other road users who are just as obstinate as myself. This has resulted in a few interesting scratches down the side of my motor and some wing mirror damage. Honourable battle scars!

    Obviously this a sport where the driver of an old banger is at a distinct advantage, and where playing at night has the fewest repercussions (by the time the other driver has stopped and turned around you're miles away!).

    Are there any other road jousters here on ARRSE?

  2. Is it anything like clam jousting?
  3. ;-) , I have a suit of armour in the form of alloy chequer plate on the front of my mirrors.....
    Living and working in a rural area this is common.... however the odd curved ball is thrown by people in Nissan micras who will stick in the middle of the road even when faced with certain death if they hit the 20 ton tractor or whatever coming the other way.
    We took an M10 Achillies for a spin on the road a few months ago and came across Mr Flat Cap in his Jap crap mobile out for a sunday drive .... the road was only wide enough for 1 tank and 1/2 a car.... he sat in his vehicle motioning us to reverse despite him being 10 yards away from a layby , resolved when he decided that he would reverse only to then proceed backwards going from one full lock to the other .
    I have while being given a police escort seen drivers drive round a police car to gain entry to a roundabout ..... one women while traveling round a roundabout had to mount the kerb to get round the police bike and rider motioning her to stop, another when told to reverse simply got out her car and told the officer he had better reverse the car because she couldn't .
  4. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    You missed a couple...

    5) When slewing from a metaled surface into a soft verge at 70mph in a car weighing slightly under a ton the laws of physics will tend to try and spin the motor and chuck your arse end into the ditch. Your only hope is full negative lock and floor the fucker in the sure and certain hope that computers will stick the power onto the O/S wheels and give you enough grip to slew the fucker back onto the road whilst showering the impudent one in a cascade of flying mud and cow shite.

    6) Land Rover. See laws of physics (above).
  5. Seeing my daily drive is a 5 tonner I'll go with option 1 thanks.