RMP/AGC Pro Coughs/Admissions

:D RMP/AGC Pro: What is the best cough you ever got/saw/heard of?
No names of suspects/convictions but technique detail; would be good as it may help serving Provost.

Funnies also welcome!!! :D
The time I put the tapes on at Celle Police Post back in 92/93 with the suspect and started chatting with him on tape about football, the weather and general topical stuff, then totally out of the blue I asked him why did he hit the bloke down town, he casually replied 'Cos he was doing my nut in' then there was silence a pause and he called me a tw@t, still I got the cough and that was cool for me. Lurverly!
Opening question "well you know why we want to speak to you" can receive some astonishing answers.

The best one I heard of (yes I was in the Det no I didn't get it) was "yes, it's about that girl we tried to kill"

The muppet was in for a witness statement for a negative theft enquiry!
Don't remember any coughs but had two jobs I'll always remember.

1. The drunken squaddie caught walking through Munster in the early hours by the GCP with a FO surf board and cover tucked under his arm. His excuse: 'I won it in a disco dancing competion.' Mind you he'd done well to get the cover filled with sand since leaving the disco.

2. A 'dog bite'. Poor squaddie goes to walk into guard room at night. Only the bloke before him had carefully tied his alsatian attack dog up on the bars of the window to the side of the entrance where it sat happily tucked in the shadows, that was right until it sank it's K9 teeth into the poor squaddie's bell end. Just reading the doctor's mg11 describing the two large puncture wounds brought tears to my eyes.

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