- A one handed, arduous pie eating contest whilst driving. If you manage to get crumbs onto your issue 'tache and on your top then you get full marks.
- An arse scratching contest. The trick here is to utilise the use of your thumb!
- The moaning stance. Standard army test. You can moan on any topic you like, such as having to put on non Egyptian-cotton socks. Breaking a nail or god forbid breaking into a sweat. The more nasal the tone the higher the marks. (PROTIP: If your stuck for something to moan about just have a look on these boards for a great topic, theres always somebody crying: Doing more than 5 push ups, paying for dress, having somebody shout at you etc etc).
- Finally theres the notorious hills phase. You start off on an a blistering squad walk at a 15 minute mile pace for about 10 minutes, by this time most the wasters have dropped out, you will slow it down to a 20 minute mile pace for around 20 minutes in order to get your breath back. The next bit is tough, only the hardcore survive. Whats left of the squad, advance up a hill for about a 100 meter incline of about 6%, IGNORE your blisters and rubbing, its only pain. At the peak of the 'hill' is a pub, if you've made it this stage and you've not been vanned your doing exceedingly well. Enter the pub, purchase copious amounts of hand pulled ale, consume many a pork scratching, walt it off a little at the bar (don't forget your 100 yard stare!), tactically withdraw outside leaving behind your arse gas. Last part of the test, 2 scotch eggs will be placed in your mouth, swallow them whole and you receive your beret.
Don't forget to take your sense of humour because if you cant take a good wah like this then your going to have your work cut out for you.
1. Physical: Males will be required to produce a biff chit in under 5 secs (7 secs for over 35 years old). Females will be required to hide a baby up their jumper for 9 months or run 1.5 miles in weekly installments.
2. Mental aptitude: Succesful candidates will be able to discuss a variety of subjects, ranging from current affairs to history, and still be able to swerve the conversation to "send them all back" in the shortest possible time.
3. Command tasks: Candidates will be encouraged to schimf around a variety of tasks designed to challenge the RLC soldier to avoid participating or helping their comrades. Succesful techniques include stealing bits of equipment to sabotage the task or creating fictional other tasks to leave the assesment area.
4. But its not all hard work in the RLC! Candidates will be given a chance to unwind and mingle with other candidates in an informal environment. A refreshing selection of beverages (super strength cider, superstrength lager, petrol) will be available. Males will be encouraged to suck up to the DS. Females will be encouraged to suck the DS off.
5. The RLC is an equal opportunities employer. A cursory glance at the cookhouse will show that everyone is welcome to sit in their segrated groups, divided by race, sexuality and gender.
6. Last of all, Good Luck and don't forget to bring decent padlocks!
I have it on good authority that there is a Cub Scout jamboree on in Grantham this weekend also. It may be a damn site more challenging then the weekend in store for you. Relax and enjoy. Just remember that the fellas with sticks under their arms love been called matey.
No mate, in-fact your still within the requirements to join the SCS. The RLCs special forces unit.
The SCS (Special Courier Service) also known as the boys in brown, can deploy quickly and deliver in any terrain in England within 48 hours (provided its not raining and the route is clearly sign posted).
Selection is intense but the glory of donning the brown shorts is eternal.
For most units it is, however, the weight limit in the RLC has now been increased to 39 stone, so you're just still in with a chance. Oh, you were talking about age! Sorry, yes, 38 will be just the right age for Private in the RLC.
no mate 38 is not to old if uve got the nuts to do it. im 42 rejoining after 17 years. obviously i know what to expect but a lot has changed within the t.a in that time i.e theyve gone soft on recruits. stop worrying and panicing. just go with it. there will be a load of young boys im sure scratching their gungho heads and thinking they can beat you at every task. show them the old dog has bigger nuts than them and just enjoy it.