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Ripping African Yarns.

...Among many that caused me to laugh out loud was the one about the check-in security x-ray machine being broken but they passed the bags through it manually...

That’s happened to me several times.

At Timbuktou I’ve also had the security guy stick a wand into a rucksack containing a laptop etc, heard it beep, and then waved me past.

On the other hand, for many years In Croatia they had a habit of setting the metal detector so high it will pick up the fillings in your teeth. But they knew this so waved you through anyway.
 
Cops weren't paid there, so stopping mzungus was their pay day. Automatic US$300 fine if you were dumb enough to stop at one of their makeshift road blocks made from a couple of branches and an old paraffin can or whatever they could find.

If you couldn't pay the fine right there (no receipt or legal bit of paper to say which law had been broken, natch) you'd end up in one of the clinks around town. Of course, no mobile phones in those days, so if you didn't return SOP was for mates/crew to start driving around the local cop shops to find you with a handful of dollars to buy you out.

After a bit you figured out how to deal with the problem by simply driving round them on the sidewalk or through whatever gap you could find. Generally not armed and likely no ammo if they were. Might have been that they just weren't desperate enough to shoot a mzungu and risk getting offed by a senior cop for causing trouble.


They'd stop almost new vehicles with a mzungu (walking ATM) driving and make up some crime, but trucks with only three wheels and a bunch of blokes sat in the back to keep the wheelless corner off the gound, no doors or windscreen, no headlights (just a hole where they used to be) and held together mainly by rust would pass without batting an eye with a local at the wheel.
Smacks of racial profiling to me. Have you contacted the local police commissioner for an apology?
 

TheManFromWem

Old-Salt
The “Worst Airport in the World” thread seems to have sparked several tales of the dark continent. South America and South Asia feature highly as does a hefty chunk of Eastern Europe. But Africa seems to bring out some astonishing hair raising stories. Here’s one from my collection:

Lubumbashi in Southern Zaire and it’s one of many consulate parties where HMG is picking up much of the tab. The Queen’s official birthday or some similar nonsense. Any excuse. Houseboys, borrowed from neighbours are passing out trays of drinks, shop and gossip talked and everybody getting fairly pissed, good time had by all .

Until one of the houseboys, charged with taking jackets etc runs in and tells the host that he thinks the house next door is being burgled. The dogs are going apeshit, there are definitely human shapes in the garden, you can see them through the fence.

We all rush out into the garden. Make lots of noise, torches on, bang sticks on bins, scare them off and.........

BANG! **** me! The woman on my left has been shot in the head. The round went round her skull and exited by her right ear. A Zairois Military police car exits the crime scene with tyres screaming.

All complaints come to nothing. We got her down to JoBurg on a Methodist mission flight that same night, they being the only sober pilots there , and she came back 4 months later. Very strange in the head from then on and eventually back home to Brussels.

Nobody ever charged or anything like it.

Just another day in Africa.
SCARY PLACE AT THE BEST OF TIMES.ENJOYED YOUR rEColleCTION............bl00dy caps sticky lock.sri
 
My old man would have said the same to me. In this case the zebra died from anthrax. The wounds to the eyes and groin are from Vultures. It's where they attack the carcass first.

The Chief Game Warden of Etosha thought it would be amusing for me to pose next to it.

Anthrax, you say...

You have an impressive set of nuts getting that close to anything bleeding that's died of that.


Smacks of racial profiling to me. Have you contacted the local police commissioner for an apology?

Meh. It's a one way street. You'd only confuse them trying to explain that anyone can be racist.

Anyhow, race is just a combat indicator. The target is anyone who has money and the assumption is that the Dollar Fairy brings every mzungu a wheelbarrow full of hundred dollar bills every morning, so you're fair game.
 
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Anthrax, you say...

You have an impressive set of nuts getting that close to anything bleeding that's died of that.
Anthrax in it's natural form - not the weaponized version. After we had handled the bones from an anthrax victim (another zebra) we were advised to wash our hands thoroughly.
 
There are some absolutely classic dits on that forum. Among many that caused me to laugh out loud was the one about the check-in security x-ray machine being broken but they passed the bags through it manually.

Mind you, after reading that forum I still applied for a job flying there. I sometimes think there is a higher power to save idiots from themselves.

The 'x-ray' machine at Downing Street went on the fritz a while back. I stuck my kit through but no lights came on and when I asked if it was knackered the DPG copper rolled his eyes and said 'don't ask...'
Apparently one of his colleagues had dropped his coffee in it.
 
Tactical, and keep the family jewels well ventilated!

Especially if they're dangling below the shorts..
selous.jpeg
 
I've always been in interested in how ranger, wardens and the Anti Poaching Units tracked animals. I've filmed in a few large parks and reserves and watched with interest as they plied their craft.

The guide would confer with his colleagues via radio in local 'dialect', dismount the landy, poke about in the bush, lift and sniff some soil/shite and then advise the clients, waiting expectantly in the transport:
'Ach looks like a pair of hunting lioness passed through, after warthog'.
Then sure enough, after a lot of earnest staring through binos, and looking at the 'spore' we would happen on the animals as described.

Spoiler alert.
I got to know them and after beers they revealed that 'it's all kak for the tourists..'
What actually happens is that rangers head out early doors and get a fix on the big 4 and then pass the info on via code to the guides. I don't remember much but shlatti was thick bush and ronke was leopard, etc.

On the other hand the APU bloke did actually track Rhino. By sticking his hand in the shit and seeing if it's still warm. If it is, then follow the flying dung beetles to the next steaming pile.

IMG_0634.jpg
 
Anthrax in it's natural form - not the weaponized version. After we had handled the bones from an anthrax victim (another zebra) we were advised to wash our hands thoroughly.
You can get anthrax by touching the animal carcass or even just bones or horns. Something like 95% of human infections come from the bacteria entering through a cut or abrasion in the skin. It can be inhaled as well, but that is less common.

Anthrax occurs in wood bison in western Canada (northern Alberta and southern NWT mainly). Advice is to stay well away from any dead wood bison as a result. Even just handling bones and horns in areas where infection is known to exist is a big no-no, as the animal may have died from anthrax and the spores may still be present.

Here's the health guidelines for anthrax in NWT, Canada. The last page has the public health measures, which are probably the bits most relevant to you.
ANTHRAX

If that's too much for you, here's an even shorter version:
Regardless of the presence or absence of signs and symptoms of disease, sick or dead animals SHOULD NOT BE TOUCHED.

DO NOT handle bones or horns (as they may be the remains of an animal that has died from anthrax) in or around the following areas: (goes on to list the areas).
 

Helm

MIA
Moderator
Book Reviewer
My old man would have said the same to me. In this case the zebra died from anthrax. The wounds to the eyes and groin are from Vultures. It's where they attack the carcass first.

The Chief Game Warden of Etosha thought it would be amusing for me to pose next to it.
This Game Warden, wearing purple was he?
 
You can get anthrax by touching the animal carcass or even just bones or horns. Something like 95% of human infections come from the bacteria entering through a cut or abrasion in the skin. It can be inhaled as well, but that is less common.

Anthrax occurs in wood bison in western Canada (northern Alberta and southern NWT mainly). Advice is to stay well away from any dead wood bison as a result. Even just handling bones and horns in areas where infection is known to exist is a big no-no, as the animal may have died from anthrax and the spores may still be present.

Here's the health guidelines for anthrax in NWT, Canada. The last page has the public health measures, which are probably the bits most relevant to you.
ANTHRAX

If that's too much for you, here's an even shorter version:

Thanks and I hear what you say but we did handle bones, did wash our hands and we're till alive.

Although a friend of mine is asking if weight gain, flatulence and a decline in resilience to alcohol are associated with Anthrax poisoning.
 

4(T)

LE
You can get anthrax by touching the animal carcass or even just bones or horns. Something like 95% of human infections come from the bacteria entering through a cut or abrasion in the skin. It can be inhaled as well, but that is less common.

Anthrax occurs in wood bison in western Canada (northern Alberta and southern NWT mainly). Advice is to stay well away from any dead wood bison as a result. Even just handling bones and horns in areas where infection is known to exist is a big no-no, as the animal may have died from anthrax and the spores may still be present.

Here's the health guidelines for anthrax in NWT, Canada. The last page has the public health measures, which are probably the bits most relevant to you.
ANTHRAX

If that's too much for you, here's an even shorter version:


IIRC a sapper contracted and died of anthrax on an Ex Grand Prix (Kenya) I was on. Thought to have picked it up by bashering up on ground frequented by cattle and buffalo.

ISTR that he was part of a small team putting out batsims for the live firing phase. Unfortunately they were on their own whilst the rest of the trg team and ex units were somewhere else, so they weren't in comms when the chap fell sick (not nice being stuck with a mate's body in 40o+ with vultures circling, as reported).
 
Whilst it's easy to laugh and point at the way of things in Africa I'd like to add to my praise of the Namibian rangers. They were extremely friendly and welcoming. After a long trek with them sharing banter and friendIy joshing, I was invited to sample a traditional Ranger delicacy. This is what the bush oysters look like before careful cooking:

oyster.jpg

The custom is that the guest is given the honour of eating the bush oysters first - in fact my hosts advised that tradition prevented them from partaking at all on that particular day.
ogroup.jpg


This substantial meal is washed down by a local brew, served with bread, known in the local dialect as 'Blue Train'. I recall the smiling faces of my new colleagues as they poured my first glass...
 
Whilst it's easy to laugh and point at the way of things in Africa I'd like to add to my praise of the Namibian rangers. They were extremely friendly and welcoming. After a long trek with them sharing banter and friendIy joshing, I was invited to sample a traditional Ranger delicacy. This is what the bush oysters look like before careful cooking:

View attachment 496205
The custom is that the guest is given the honour of eating the bush oysters first - in fact my hosts advised that tradition prevented them from partaking at all on that particular day.
View attachment 496206

This substantial meal is washed down by a local brew, served with bread, known in the local dialect as 'Blue Train'. I recall the smiling faces of my new colleagues as they poured my first glass...

Ah, you played that popular third world game Let's See What The Stupid Mzungu Will Put In His Mouth.
 
...I don't remember much but shlatti was thick bush and ronke was leopard, etc...

Dialects. All offshoots of central African languages in one form or another. I use shateen or kangene for thick bush and leopard is nkwe in these parts. Variations as you move about but the root is similar.
 

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