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RIP:The German bog

#1
Been working around the Fatherland for ten days now and cannot conceal my dissapointment at being unable to have a good butchers at my chod as it lays in all its faecal glory upon the 'continental shelf'.Seemingly,all German chodders incorporating a viewing platform are being phased out in favour of the less peurile and mirth-inducing standard throne.Sad times indeed.

Any other cold war warriors have fond memories of this magnificent sanitary creation?
 
#2
I miss the awesome power of the flush as it comes out at full watermains pressure. Many a time has my turd welded itself to the shelf, as I sat there reading a paper whilst crimping one out, and to find that the flush resulted in a tsunami that a surfer would want to get involved with. Happy days indeed.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#5
Fear not my friend, the viewing shelf is still alive and well in Austria. They are like Germany's little brother, it will take them a good few years to catch up and phase out this magnificent creation. How the Krauts can get it so right, yet a few miles west the frogs still insist on shitting into holes in the ground is completely beyond me. Backward frog *****.
 
#6
I can still recall my 18-year old shock at first seeing the things; it was just so wrong, like crapping on the marble slab at the fishmongers, a crime against humanity.
They will be collectors' items soon, changing hands for small fortunes on E-bay, like cast iron bell-cisterns. You should lay in a stock whilst the prices are low.

Is there a German composite word for them, like stool-inspecting-toilet-pan?
 
#8
I was traumatised by a german krapper some 10 years ago when after a Bavarian night out I nipped a large one out which promptly hit the shelf and fell forward skid marking my ball bag on the way through.

Still makes me wretch.
 
#10
Fear not my friend, the viewing shelf is still alive and well in Austria. They are like Germany's little brother, it will take them a good few years to catch up and phase out this magnificent creation. How the Krauts can get it so right, yet a few miles west the frogs still insist on shitting into holes in the ground is completely beyond me. Backward frog *****.
I like you, you are one funny ******.
 
#12
They are still available at good DIY stores....it's just that they are out of fashion at the moment but there are many Boxheads that will be re-installing the inspection shelf as there's no splash back when unloading!
 
#17
Seriously,if you've ever had to provide a 'sample' for bowel cancer research,(they provide tiny pieces of cardboard that fall to bits rapidly) they would be worth their weight in,well,crap.
 
#18
Very fond memories of the post-ex compo pole dance, trying to get a rock hard foot long to go into the pan without camming your arse on the way. A normal good shit was a breeze, you just slowly slid round and made a coil pot. The biggest drawback was the chunder whilst pissed and cuddling the white telephone, the danger of splashback was extreme which is probably why they had those chunder fountains in the gents of every good gestatte!
 
#19
We'd been in the field for 7 days when we rocked up at a farm. The farmer and his wife were kindly, they not only offered their barn as a billet, but also spread clean straw over the floor to make it nice and cosy. Watching us set up our home made shitter over a manhole in the courtyard, they went further and offered the use of their flush bog in one of the outbuildings for the officers - and me, as the bloke who was doing acting, unpaid interpreter duties.

Well, I got there first and with the joy of my first crap for a week, forgot to prepare the shitter - you know, flush first to wet the porcelain, lay paper on the plateau to provide an interface, etc. Finished, completed the paperwork and flushed... ...and nothing! The mini Mount Everest (actually, it looked more like K2) remained firmy fixed to the plateau. Reflush. SITREP - no change. Oh shit! (literally).

Panic mode sets in. In a hurry - surely the officers must be more full of crap than normal. It can only be a matter of minutes. Find bucket. Find tap. Fill bucket. Tip water onto turd pile in a rapid deluge - it works at home, it must work here. No, it ******* doesn't! I swear the ****** was laughing at me.

OK. Hosepipe. Squash the end down to deliver more water pressure. 20 minutes of sculpting the heap into nothingness. Success!

There's a moral to the story. Don't be first to use the crapper. Then you can blame the skidmarks on the dirty **** who went before you.
 

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