Rip Off Hook Up Websites

@ThunderBox, just stolen from the crappy jokes thread for your perusal.

Womens lonely hearts ads, and what they really mean;

Adventurous = Slag
Athletic = No tits
30 something = 50 odd
Fun = Annoying
Wild = Gets pissed easily
Beautiful eyes = Face like a robbers dog
Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex is a ******* nutter
New age = Smelly with a hairy chuff
Headstrong = Argumentative
Enjoys pubbing and clubbing = Alcoholic
Curvy = Fat ****
Cuddly = Fat ****
Likes eating out = Greedy fat ****
Likes nights in = Lazy fat ****
GSOH - Gonorrhoea syphilis or herpes
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Sloppy drunk
Poet - Depressive
Professional - Bitch
Romantic - Frigid
Voluptuous - Fat
Large frame - Obese
Wants Soulmate - Stalker
Widow - Murdereress
Sounds good, when can I meet her?
 
So, how do they get the feminine voice, then?
Read my post again - it was online chat. He said that he would have a number of conversations going, in different windows, at any one time
 
From want a rather randy LE Captain has said Plenty of Fish seems to be his shag site of choice.
Seems its full of ladies from 40-65 eager for sex, he changes the GF as soon as they get serious.
On a Medical course a few years back that offered discounts to service leavers, it was impressive to see PoF in use by one of the lads on that scheme.

He had organised a different date for each of the 5 nights, and only had 2 duds.
 
If any of these dating apps would let me join then they can't have any standards and I'm not going to have anything to do with them.
 
My boss in 1985 had worked as a software developer for one of the early dating/marriage bureaus in the UK back in the 1970s.

I cannot remember the name.

Long before the Internet; people filled in a form and their data was stuck into an IBM System/34 and was meant to match up likely candidates for a bunk-up meaningful relationship.

Him and his oppo used to go through the applicants and pick out the likely ones, contact them and tell them that this person (i.e them) was an ideal match.

Worked a treat.
 
I decided recently to see if I could pick up any filthy mature women on-line for some action, when I say mature, I am in my 40's so was thinking 40-50's. I actually had no intention of any action, i was just fishing for shits and maybe a few free gash shots from some filthy local bint I might bump into in the supermarket!

I found a site called Bored Grannies and keyed in a nearby postcode and et voila, 10+ pages or so of 'locals'.

I thought any that were spreading pussies or had tits out (except those wanting the BBC) would be game so I contacted 3.

Right then, it turned out it isnt free, you need to pay for messages, I had used my 3 free ones (or it might have been 4) so I bought 7 messages, the minimum.

Having responses from all 3 i chose a spreader and a tits out and proceeded immediately to lets meet up. Both responded with, 'lets chat first'.

Now having only 5 messages I chose the spreader and said hello, if she is posting a picture of her twat then surely it just wants *******.

I told her about me (the fit football coach whose wife had run off with her lesbian lover that happened to be one of my players mums....) and asked about her, like I was interested, tell me all about you.......

We exchange 4 messages or so, nothing too depraved but letting her know I was game, I even sent her a real picture (black nastied) and suggested hooking up in a local hotel bar. Still a bit coy.

Anyway, now I started to think, this woman is eeking my seven messages out of me, why would you have a gash shot on a Bored Grannies site if you didnt just want to get fucked, I mean its like dogging but without the other public. So with 1 message left I told her I didnt think the site was legitimate and was thinking I wouldny buy more messages. Asked her if she would contact my email address and sent her one of the many.

Response was, she wouldnt give out her personal email address and if she couldnt convince me it was a legit site and she was genuine then tough.

So I failed at fishing and the site got $18 out of me or whatever it was.

I am thinking that some of these websites could just employ people to **** around and get blokes to spend money on the 'women' who are basically the modern day version of phone sex.

Anyone had any luck on these sites?
What decade are you posting from mate?
 
I recall a letter to Wired wherein an American guy related that he spent a lot of time waiting to be posted after doing his specialism training (Radar Op or suchlike). He wasn't bothered though as he was getting on very well with one of the girls in administration. After a while they had a spat and he found himself posted to the DEW line soon after. It took him a little time to put the pieces together.
 

philc

LE
So another easy £15 earned, so some billy bullshiter giving it large about being a Football coach, like who gives a monkeys, he was after minge shots, was going to post some right horror from the drop folders for such things but the tight arse ran out of credit.

One born every minute.
 
I had no luck with that bird off the dogging website earlier this year. But it's not all bad news...

Her photo under a new name won me my money back in the Fiesta Readers' Wives pages.
 

RedDinger

Clanker
A couple of my mates use Plenty of Fish and don't seem to have problems getting a shag.
 
My boss in 1985 had worked as a software developer for one of the early dating/marriage bureaus in the UK back in the 1970s.

I cannot remember the name.

Long before the Internet; people filled in a form and their data was stuck into an IBM System/34 and was meant to match up likely candidates for a bunk-up meaningful relationship.

Him and his oppo used to go through the applicants and pick out the likely ones, contact them and tell them that this person (i.e them) was an ideal match.

Worked a treat.
In the Seventies there was a firm called 'Dateline' or something like that similar to what you describe. They always advertised in the papers and in the squaddies favourite wank mag of the time - Mayfair. Once they were advertising a free introductory offer so a number of us at Thiepvel Barracks, Lisburn sent off to them, although changing our personal details a bit.

I got a letter saying we have found your perfect match Mr Par Avion. A young lady called Hairy Mary from Londonderry, with an address in the Bogside.
 
In the Seventies there was a firm called 'Dateline' or something like that similar to what you describe. They always advertised in the papers and in the squaddies favourite **** mag of the time - Mayfair. Once they were advertising a free introductory offer so a number of us at Thiepvel Barracks, Lisburn sent off to them, although changing our personal details a bit.

I got a letter saying we have found your perfect match Mr Par Avion. A young lady called Hairy Mary from Londonderry, with an address in the Bogside.

She still lives there
 
Try not to mention your obsession with collecting traction engine serial numbers and a keen interest in the intricate workings of concentration camps.
 

Cold_Collation

LE
Book Reviewer
Try not to mention your obsession with collecting traction engine serial numbers and a keen interest in the intricate workings of concentration camps.
It's all a question of marketing. Were he to translate that into being an eager indulger in powerful strokes with an interest in baking he'd be on a winner.
 

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