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Ridiculous shit installed in new cars ...

I would have been happy to replace my Polo with another VW a year ago until I read up on DSG boxes (over the years I've driven just about every kind of gearbox. In 1990 I realised there was no point in driving a manual when an automatic just worked. I've hated every manual hire/ courtesy car I've had since).

Complexity of the DSG box turned me right off VW. To Vauxhall rep, "how complex is the Corsa automatic box?"

"Simple." And it is, but far more sophisticated than those I've had before. One day I'll try and work out the semi-automatic setting that allows me to change up or down with a button on the stick. Or not.

I've got those buttons on the stick, dealer called them paddles. Never used them and can't really see the need.
If I want to change down, I just push the accelerator a little harder and it goes down. Only do that to piss off the BMW drivers trying to overtake me on a roundabout.
 
I would have been happy to replace my Polo with another VW a year ago until I read up on DSG boxes (over the years I've driven just about every kind of gearbox. In 1990 I realised there was no point in driving a manual when an automatic just worked. I've hated every manual hire/ courtesy car I've had since).

Complexity of the DSG box turned me right off VW. To Vauxhall rep, "how complex is the Corsa automatic box?"

"Simple." And it is, but far more sophisticated than those I've had before. One day I'll try and work out the semi-automatic setting that allows me to change up or down with a button on the stick. Or not.
I’ve had four VW’s with DSG boxes - 2 Passats 2.0D (one currently), a Tiguan 2.0 TSi and my wife has a Polo 1.4 - over the space of the last 8 years, and haven’t had a single problem with the gearbox. The only issue we have had is when the roadspeed sensor on the Polo was goosed, which meant that the DSG controller got confused.

I wouldn’t hesitate to buy another.
 
"Simple." And it is, but far more sophisticated than those I've had before. One day I'll try and work out the semi-automatic setting that allows me to change up or down with a button on the stick. Or not.

Drove a shogun with that - was the dogs danglies it meant i dindnt have to adapt my driving style

Lazy mode up the motorway
Slap it accross to semi auto on the country lanes and you can drop a cog when you come up to bends - steep descents (dont trust hdc) and i prefer manual off road
 
After a nearly five hour drive down from Manchester yesterday and having seen a number of numpties doing it, the ridiculous shit on cars could include the indicators. They seem to be an unnecessary add on for some drivers who don’t bother to use them when changing lanes.

Starting a manoeuvre just before indicating is bad enough, but not indicating at all, well, that’s just not British. I mean, it’s driving like the Greeks do, or even worse the French.
 
Except for Indirect fire weapons, direct fire weapons, ISTAR, EOD and generally getting to the right spot.

Or would you trust an officer with a map?

Asking for a friend ;-) .... if you had been 1 cm to the left or right of your bangy happening would it of made a difference ....
I'm not aware of any indirect or direct fire weapon or much else other than a bullet that needs to be targeted sub 1 -2 cm levels to be effective when they go bang .....
Most officers I know would be lucky to get the nearest grid square on an OS map .....
 
Drove a shogun with that - was the dogs danglies it meant i dindnt have to adapt my driving style

Lazy mode up the motorway
Slap it accross to semi auto on the country lanes and you can drop a cog when you come up to bends - steep descents (dont trust hdc) and i prefer manual off road
My Discovery Sport has a 9 speed automatic with paddles on the steering. The more I drive it, the more I use them. However good an auto box, it cannot anticipate and, if it’s paired with a modern turbo diesel, you often find its not quite in the right gear.

My old Toyota Prado has a 3-speed, but a 3.6l V6 petrol donk so it doesn’t matter. Until you compare the fuel consumption.

As for HDC, I trust it implicitly and wouldn’t be without it. Same muddy steep downhill track, Prado is sliding. Disco is gently managing the slope. Clever stuff.
 
My Discovery Sport has a 9 speed automatic with paddles on the steering. The more I drive it, the more I use them. However good an auto box, it cannot anticipate and, if it’s paired with a modern turbo diesel, you often find its not quite in the right gear.

My old Toyota Prado has a 3-speed, but a 3.6l V6 petrol donk so it doesn’t matter. Until you compare the fuel consumption.

As for HDC, I trust it implicitly and wouldn’t be without it. Same muddy steep downhill track, Prado is sliding. Disco is gently managing the slope. Clever stuff.
My Passat only has a 6 speed auto box, and I only really use the paddles on twisty, hilly roads. Everywhere else it's good enough. It's especially good in town, and the closest I get to off-road is my 5 meter long driveway.
 
My Passat only has a 6 speed auto box, and I only really use the paddles on twisty, hilly roads. Everywhere else it's good enough. It's especially good in town, and the closest I get to off-road is my 5 meter long driveway.
The roads round my place are twisty and hilly. In Drive, it does tend to find itself in the wrong gear occasionally.

You can set the paddles up to work only in the Sport setting or in both Drive and Sport. I wouldn’t bother if it spent its life on the motorway.
 
Drove a shogun with that - was the dogs danglies it meant i dindnt have to adapt my driving style
I own one of these (Known as a Pajero in my neck of the woods). I can't drive without the semi-auto function anymore. Drop it down to third (or even second) in slow traffic so as not to constantly be riding the brakes only to kick it up to fifth when I hit the motorway. It's great.
 

OneTenner

LE
Book Reviewer
Tales from the front for this week... All Merc stuff.
E220 estate, foldable rear seats (no surprise there) except these are released by a switch in the boot, one for each side. 18 plate car came in with one of the seats not releasing. Every component was checked & substituted, wiring checked - twice. the seat would release when connected to the wiring for the other side, at this stage other techs started to get interested. The poor guy who's job it was was tearing his hair out.... I suspected it was a software coding issue as the car was bought second-hand and no-one knew if it'd ever worked so I got him to code the control module to a known-good vehicle... still no good. It was obvious that there was something we were missing, probably staring us in the face. Turns out they had a disabled older child and had a seatbelt extension fitted with the original belt buckle hidden under the seat cushion, the seat wouldn't release if the car detected a seat belt was fastened.... remove the extension and all worked as expected.

Gay class - Sorry, A class 177 had a history of unexplained unresponsiveness to remote unlocking, general power issues and odd warnings on the dash when it did work. Fault codes were too numerous to point in any particular direction.
Turns out that the main battery connection to the relay & fuse box in the front passenger footwell is held onto the bus bar with a plastic threaded stud, this had failed presumably at build as the sheared part of the stud & the nut were missing, the lug was making contact most of the time, powering everything up, when it lost contact, everything powered off that fuseboard (including the central locking, SAM, SRS etc.) stopped working and crucially, passing network messages, hence the lack of useful diag. messages.

Finally, good news! the SLC is now no longer a current model - badged as 'final edition, some wag christened them differently
1602884620948.jpeg

They, and most of the owners are really well past their 'sell by' date, even the factory can no longer be bothered to put them together more or less correctly, I spend nearly a full day diagnosing & rectifying five seperate squeaks and rattles on that one. Some were due to it sitting around during lockdown, some due to poor QA at assembly.
 
I'm a bit old-fashioned, being fifty six rather than twenty six.

During a recent three week hospital stay (long story for another time), the new car (technically second hand, 2 year old Corsa previously used by a "mobility scheme user" or something) arrived. Picked up by the old man and waiting for me on my escape discharge from hospital.

Jeepers. I know you can disable this electronic bollox, and as soon as I get around to it I will, but a few small examples of everything being designed for the lowest common denominator (IQ).

First off I have to depress the clutch in order to switch the engine on, watch whilst the instruments whizz all the way round and go back to normal (wtf?) then remember that I'm still in neutral so I can cautiously take my foot off the clutch.

God help me if I get less than a foot from something, the hysterical bleeping gets more and more frequent, followed by a big flashing image of "my car", showing me what I am about to hit. By Christ if anything was designed to cause an accident, rather than prevent one, this is it.

The one that worries me slightly (rather than making me laugh and/or say **** YOU a lot) is the fact that I have no control over locking the doors from inside. May seem trivial, but to me a simple matter of personal security. As soon as I get in the car, especially if 'ive just let a passenger out, I lean over and lock the passenger door. If I open the windows, the passenger side is open no more than 2 inches. My side (driver's side) I'm happy to leave the window rolled down, tootle along with my elbow out, and door most definitely UNLOCKED. Is it just me, or is this a very basic personal safety thing????

Oh and carefully and slowly pushing over the kerb, in order to make neat parking easier - hey, the car couldn't care a tiny toss, although it would be an automatic fail of any driving test.

Enough of this (don't get me started on tiny automatic cars) - what absolute bellendery have you encountered in "modern" cars?
Today has been my best experience of this . The car was showing a system message I had no idea what it was. Reading the blood book the size of war and peace was not going to happen, so a Google later. I’m being told the car air freshener has run out, bloody behave your self car.!!
 

MoleBath

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
I guess that main dealers do not use any fault finding techniques. My car went in for a service and they told me the rear washer wasn't working. £60 for a replacement pump etc. I refused and showed the technician that the pump still worked by pulling off the little jet on the wiper and operating the switch. Luckily he wasn't looking too closely but all his tools got soaked as I may have kept the switch on for too long.

On the subject of spare wheels it isn't a new thing for them to be a real pain.
The BMW z3 comes with a space saver spare so that you can get on with your journey.
Too bad if you have a passenger as the main wheel will not fit in the spare wheel holder. The only place it will go is the passenger seat.
Which would you leave on the side of the road?
Passenger or wheel?
(I only know this as a friend gave me a lift in hers)
Pack a big bin bag or laundry bag near the jack to wrap spare wheel if wet or dirty. Cost £1 or so , saves ruining passenger seat
 
Tales from the front for this week... All Merc stuff.
E220 estate, foldable rear seats (no surprise there) except these are released by a switch in the boot, one for each side. 18 plate car came in with one of the seats not releasing. Every component was checked & substituted, wiring checked - twice. the seat would release when connected to the wiring for the other side, at this stage other techs started to get interested. The poor guy who's job it was was tearing his hair out.... I suspected it was a software coding issue as the car was bought second-hand and no-one knew if it'd ever worked so I got him to code the control module to a known-good vehicle... still no good. It was obvious that there was something we were missing, probably staring us in the face. Turns out they had a disabled older child and had a seatbelt extension fitted with the original belt buckle hidden under the seat cushion, the seat wouldn't release if the car detected a seat belt was fastened.... remove the extension and all worked as expected.

Gay class - Sorry, A class 177 had a history of unexplained unresponsiveness to remote unlocking, general power issues and odd warnings on the dash when it did work. Fault codes were too numerous to point in any particular direction.
Turns out that the main battery connection to the relay & fuse box in the front passenger footwell is held onto the bus bar with a plastic threaded stud, this had failed presumably at build as the sheared part of the stud & the nut were missing, the lug was making contact most of the time, powering everything up, when it lost contact, everything powered off that fuseboard (including the central locking, SAM, SRS etc.) stopped working and crucially, passing network messages, hence the lack of useful diag. messages.

Finally, good news! the SLC is now no longer a current model - badged as 'final edition, some wag christened them differently
View attachment 512749
They, and most of the owners are really well past their 'sell by' date, even the factory can no longer be bothered to put them together more or less correctly, I spend nearly a full day diagnosing & rectifying five seperate squeaks and rattles on that one. Some were due to it sitting around during lockdown, some due to poor QA at assembly.
Thank goodness the thread title tells me it's about cars, otherwise I wouldn't have a scooby WTF you're on about.
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
My Discovery Sport has a 9 speed automatic with paddles on the steering. The more I drive it, the more I use them. However good an auto box, it cannot anticipate and, if it’s paired with a modern turbo diesel, you often find its not quite in the right gear.

My old Toyota Prado has a 3-speed, but a 3.6l V6 petrol donk so it doesn’t matter. Until you compare the fuel consumption.

As for HDC, I trust it implicitly and wouldn’t be without it. Same muddy steep downhill track, Prado is sliding. Disco is gently managing the slope. Clever stuff.
My E class 9 speed does anticipate what gear it needs, the last one with 7 speeds did. Don’t buy Land Rover shit.
 
My E class 9 speed does anticipate what gear it needs, the last one with 7 speeds did. Don’t buy Land Rover shit.
It’s the same gearbox in a Merc and a Landrover.

Mercedes don’t make a car that remotely competes with any Landrover if you actually take your car off road. Ours spend about half their time on unmade roads; short of a G-Wagen, there’s no Mercedes, Porsche, BMW or VW that’s anywhere near as robust or capable.

And the last Mercedes we had (C-Class) was probably the least reliable car I’ve ever bought.
 

tgo

War Hero
Backup sensors bee beep Beep BEEPETY F* beep with ten feet to go.
Don't humans have necks these days.
Edit: They're probably most fun while push parking.

You should really be asking yourself if cars still have windows in the back, they're getting more like bloody vans. Poxy letter box rear window with no visibility from about chest height down, 3/4 panels of a Chieftain tank, yes I know it's all about safety but rear visibility on anything post 2004 is shocking.
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
Today has been my best experience of this . The car was showing a system message I had no idea what it was. Reading the blood book the size of war and peace was not going to happen, so a Google later. I’m being told the car air freshener has run out, bloody behave your self car.!!


Ahh, [scratches head and purses lips] you'll need to take it to an approved dealer to sort that one out...
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
Ahh, [scratches head and purses lips] you'll need to take it to an approved dealer to sort that one out...
...and pay an arm and a leg...and they'll reset your service interval to two weeks...and bother you forever more about your MOT, etc, etc as described upthread
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
It’s the same gearbox in a Merc and a Landrover.

Mercedes don’t make a car that remotely competes with any Landrover if you actually take your car off road. Ours spend about half their time on unmade roads; short of a G-Wagen, there’s no Mercedes, Porsche, BMW or VW that’s anywhere near as robust or capable.

And the last Mercedes we had (C-Class) was probably the least reliable car I’ve ever bought.
I can’t see how an automatic can anticipate off road conditions and it seems odd that someone would buy one expecting such. Is it even robust enough to be transferable to a 4x4?
 

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