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Ridiculous shit installed in new cars ...

I was a danger to myself but was never a squidlet. I did rip both knees with overconfidence though, if you are going to try and get a knee down, wet cobbles are not the place to start.
It's those knunts on L plate pizza delivery----- they ask to die.
 
When I turn the engine off and take the key out, the dash displays "GOODBYE" for a couple of seconds. What is the point of that FFS?

Mine says "see you" on the satnav/entertainment screen. And it wasn't even made in Glasgow.
 
My Landrover came with a five year unlimited warranty and free services to 100000km. AdBlue top ups are free for the same period. I’ve never opened the bonnet; it tells me when anything needs doing and I drop it in to the dealer (so far only Ad Blue, screen wash and one service). After 100k, services are fixed price and not scary; annual servicing costs will be about £300.

I’m struggling to see how I would save money by servicing it myself! Or any of the other new or near new cars with similar warranties.
If you'd have bought a "Just out of warranty" used Range Rover you'd have saved £30_40k , along with a warranty to cover major engine and transmission failure and you are sorted , general servicing, changing things like brakes, suspension and bushes are quite easy and save you a fortune although it's not the way to go if you prefer needlework and embroidery.
 

NSP

LE
Chevrolet Kalos needs the airbox removing to replace a sidelight bulb.

Seat ibiza has canbus mirrors. Buy a mirror housing, code it to tell it which side it's fitted to & it moves into place.

Some Citroën don't have a starter motor, the smart alternator does the job.

Sent from my neocore_E1R1 using Tapatalk
Whereas to change a light cluster on my Peugeot you just unplug the electrical connector, undo a thumbnut and pull the thing out of the front/back then slot the new one in, do up the thumbnut and plug in the electrics.

Someone was slagging off Peugeot upthread, or on another one I follow, earlier so thought I'd throw it in. I'm much happier with my 208 than either of my Clio's.

Swapping out a duff coil pack was just a case of undoing one hex-head and pulling the thing out of the plug pocket after unplugging the electrical connector, too.

Mind you, getting at the air and oil filters is a bit of a cast-iron bitch...
 

NSP

LE
Mine says "see you" on the satnav/entertainment screen. And it wasn't even made in Glasgow.
A pal of mine downloaded a Yoda voice pack for his splatnav. "At the junction left/right you will turn, hmmmmMMMM!" was funny right up to the third turning and absolutely no further...
 
but in the case of cars, you need constant battery supply to the ECUs, otherwise on first connecting the battery the entire system would have to run through a check list, also many modern cars have electronic parking brakes
dis the power car rolls away
most modern high end cars communicate with the manufacture all the time
makes its much easier to repo them

The battery isolators on Ag kit all have a KAM bypass that keep the vital ECU's on line or at least the memory and configurations ..... you are correct though in that it allows them to be parked for months and not drain battery power but the ECU "handshake" around the CAN takes much less than a minute even after several months and as engine start is now ECU initiated the thing won't start if it's not happy everything is online.... The current Range Rover is very slow to come on line after start and frequently not all of it does.....

A lot of AG kit now has EPL or Electric park brakes .

Don't think on any EPL system car, truck, or AG disconnecting the power releases the EPL ....they are all fail safe hence need power to release....... unlike the wife's old TVR that braked on the rear discs so if she parked it after an enthusiastic drive with hot brakes as the discs cooled so the handbrake would loose grip and off would roll Trevor ;-)

If you look at the value of a low spec tractor new it is more than many high end cars and higher spec farm kit is in mainstream super car price range ....as you say most higher spec farm kit now reports to the factory and dealer / user
 
The battery isolators on Ag kit all have a KAM bypass that keep the vital ECU's on line or at least the memory and configurations ..... you are correct though in that it allows them to be parked for months and not drain battery power but the ECU "handshake" around the CAN takes much less than a minute even after several months and as engine start is now ECU initiated the thing won't start if it's not happy everything is online.... The current Range Rover is very slow to come on line after start and frequently not all of it does.....

A lot of AG kit now has EPL or Electric park brakes .

Don't think on any EPL system car, truck, or AG disconnecting the power releases the EPL ....they are all fail safe hence need power to release....... unlike the wife's old TVR that braked on the rear discs so if she parked it after an enthusiastic drive with hot brakes as the discs cooled so the handbrake would loose grip and off would roll Trevor ;-)

If you look at the value of a low spec tractor new it is more than many high end cars and higher spec farm kit is in mainstream super car price range ....as you say most higher spec farm kit now reports to the factory and dealer / user
Guessing you've heard about the farmer who rang the main agent to say his £100k 6 month old tractor wouldn't start? the main agent informed him it was because he'd missed a finance payment and they had disabled it by text.
 
I frequently drive a road that is fairly fast and has a slight bend in it, with a road sign on the bend. The collision detection thingy interprets the road sign as something I’m going to hit, which I would if I decided that turning the steering wheel 1/8” to take the bend was for amateurs.

It bleeps at me to alert me to the hazard and give me some time to think about doing something. Problem is “some time” in this context is a period of time so short as to effectively render it immeasurable. It then goes into what the manufacturer would no doubt call “Sub Mode 14u293a/62” but which I call “‘kin dangerous”. It slams on the brakes to the extent the anti lock kicks in.

On a fast road, just as you’re entering a sweeping bend. Genius.

The originally required 1/8” of steering wheel movement to make the bend is now rapidly increasing and changing as the vehicle speed reduces and your nearside front is now in the gravel and debris at the side of the road so anti lock braking is working well, not.

I’m quite serious here, I’ve read less complicated Aircraft Operating Manuals than the one I waded through trying to find out how to switch this thing off.

I think the system was designed by the bloke that designed the Boeing 737 MAX Flight Control System. It takes the human out of the loop temporarily in order to create a set of circumstances entirely capable of taking the human out of the loop on a terminal basis.
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
Guessing you've heard about the farmer who rang the main agent to say his £100k 6 month old tractor wouldn't start? the main agent informed him it was because he'd missed a finance payment and they had disabled it by text.
Doing that with IBM mainframes 30 years ago. Iraqis nicked the Bank of Kuwait mainframe, took it back to Baghdad. Absolutely wouldn't IPL until the modem was connected. It started up, IBM went round and recovered their mainframe, leased to Bank of Kuwait.
 
Same car. It has all round sensors and cameras for avoiding hitting stuff. I confess, I think it’s great and use it in conjunction with that rather quaint, old fashioned notion which I believe is still referred to as “watching what you’re doing” and the much forgotten concept these days of “being aware of what’s going on around you”.

And then I get in my wife’s car, a Mini, which doesn’t have all that shit. I’ve come mighty close so there’s a real danger of Automation Dependency right there. Funnily, well until the bill came anyway, my wife managed to scrape my car with all the anti scrape gadgetry but has managed not to do it, yet, with her car that doesn’t have all the gadgetry.

The Mini also has hill start assist that lasts a few seconds. My car has an automatic brake that lasts until you dab the accelerator. That‘s fun too when hopping from one car to the other.

On the subject of the Mini, if anyone has one and is wondering where the switch is for intermittent windscreen wipe is, it’s the hidden little push button on the end of the stalk with absolutely no labelling at all. It’s on page 4,862 of the Owner’s Manual under the title “What to do if you run over a hedgehog”.

In exchange for that gem, can anyone tell me how to use the SatNav?

Actually, just explain any aspect of that absurd multi function thing that seems to be loosely connected to a twiddly thing near the handbrake. I’m OK with changing the colour of the footwell lighting but everything else is a fecking mystery.
 
...In exchange for that gem, can anyone tell me how to use the SatNav?...

No problem. Use a large hammer to reduce the fucking stupidity inducing thing to dust. It's sole function is to wean you off thinking for yourself.

Kill it with fire!
 
Ford Kuga. A great car IMHO.

Until a headlamp bulb goes.

I had a quick squint at the back of the sealed unit and just couldn’t figure it out. Putting it down to age and a little voice that said “don’t even think about it, it’ll cost you in the long run”, I took it to Halfords and rather pitifully said “giz us a bulb, and can you fit it for me please“.

”Certainly Sir, that’ll be 25p for the bulb and £19.99 to fit it” or some such nonsense. “Epic, I’m just going to do a quick bit of shopping, I’ll be back in an hour, here’s the key”.

60 minutes later, return to find the entire front bumper off and the wing flapping in the breeze. The lad had had to ring HQ to find out how to do it and that was the answer! It was a freezing day and the whole lot is held together with plastic clips so the guy was crapping himself in case any of the clips snapped what with being stiff and brittle with cold. As it happens he managed it but I’d have snapped one for sure.

£19.99 very well spent but why?
 
No problem. Use a large hammer to reduce the fucking stupidity inducing thing to dust. It's sole function is to wean you off thinking for yourself.

Kill it with fire!

The Miracle That Is Arrse.

No technical question left unanswered. I shall root out my very finest Tool, Fine Adjusting, 4 lb, Complete With Handle.
 

jmb3296

War Hero
Same car. It has all round sensors and cameras for avoiding hitting stuff. I confess, I think it’s great and use it in conjunction with that rather quaint, old fashioned notion which I believe is still referred to as “watching what you’re doing” and the much forgotten concept these days of “being aware of what’s going on around you”.

And then I get in my wife’s car, a Mini, which doesn’t have all that shit. I’ve come mighty close so there’s a real danger of Automation Dependency right there. Funnily, well until the bill came anyway, my wife managed to scrape my car with all the anti scrape gadgetry but has managed not to do it, yet, with her car that doesn’t have all the gadgetry.

The Mini also has hill start assist that lasts a few seconds. My car has an automatic brake that lasts until you dab the accelerator. That‘s fun too when hopping from one car to the other.

On the subject of the Mini, if anyone has one and is wondering where the switch is for intermittent windscreen wipe is, it’s the hidden little push button on the end of the stalk with absolutely no labelling at all. It’s on page 4,862 of the Owner’s Manual under the title “What to do if you run over a hedgehog”.

In exchange for that gem, can anyone tell me how to use the SatNav?

Actually, just explain any aspect of that absurd multi function thing that seems to be loosely connected to a twiddly thing near the handbrake. I’m OK with changing the colour of the footwell lighting but everything else is a fecking mystery.

yep wife bought one of them in place of my Merc, decided she liked her original car and I am now the”proud” driver of a mini.

intermittent, automatic wiper function took me 18 months to find. The clock display which I like comes and goes but I haven’t a sodding clue what I have done to get or lose it.

tried sat nav last week and it asked if I wanted to ”say” the destination to input it. I said the postcode, it accepted it and worked flawlessly.

i was stunned. No idea how to do it again though.
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
On the subject of the Mini, if anyone has one and is wondering where the switch is for intermittent windscreen wipe is, it’s the hidden little push button on the end of the stalk with absolutely no labelling at all. It’s on page 4,862 of the Owner’s Manual under the title “What to do if you run over a hedgehog”.
Same on a Corsa. Luckily, I think Ford, Vauxhall/Opel and VW are all designed by the same people, or else they evolved convergently. Externally there's little to choose in the detail in design of Polo, Fiesta, Corsa, down to things like the small windows between mirror and windscreen. Overall, you can tell them apart, but in detail, get what I'm trying badly to say?

I got into the Corsa from the Polo. Apart from one or two odd switches moved to accommodate a console, all the major switches and stalk controls are the same in general. Yet everything is automatic (and it can all be turned to manual). Getting dark? Lights come on. A few spots of rain? Windscreen wiped once. Downpour? Hard wipe. Need a squirt of screenwash, front or back? Exactly the same. Door mirror controls, essentially identical.

Twist the stalk to increase/decrease intermittent wipe speed. But. How to start an intermittent rear screen wipe? I'd had the car best part of a year before I discovered a rocker switch on the end of the stalk, hidden by the steering wheel.

I actually think my Corsa is pretty much perfect ergonomically for my needs. So of course, They want me to replace it with something electrically driven.

My only gripe. The radio starts automatically when I power up the car. Volume 16 is quite loud. Bluetooth connects to the phone and I can select music from there. But I need volume about 50 to get the same level. Turn the engine off, things switch off. Turn it back on, radio defaults until the phone connects. At volume 50. I'm beginning to learn to reduce the volume before I switch off. And when I do forget, I'm learning not to slap Zero Alpha to stop her mashing every control on the console to turn it down, and everything else the console does. Also helps if I haven't parked briefly with a half turn on the steering wheel, so the volume down control is LHS of the wheel and up, not RHS and down. All the while, Wave105 is bursting eardrums.
 
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