I think I may have just struck some sort of reverse jackpot. About quarter of an hour ago, I popped into the bogs to complete my pre-lunch ablutions. Friday day is chippy day and I intend to go for the full hit of chips curry and rice. A barm will accompany this splendid meal. I don't normally eat that much at lunch so felt that I should make a bit of room by squeezing out some unnecessary ballast. I went into the first floor traps. There are three. I stuck my head into trap one and found a beautifully laid brown trout languishing in the U bend. The bog roll had been flushed away but it was obviously too big a kipper and had remained. Extensive teabagging had occurred and brown ink permeated the area immediately surrounding the beast. I did a quick wince and moved on to trap two, only to find an identical situation. The cack was slightly smaller, but once more there was an absence of toilet roll and an abundance of brown water. This was now moving into the realms of strangeness, so imagine my surprise, when I completed my jackpot by finding trap three to be exactly the same. The growler in there was the biggest of the three and had the appearance of a particularly savoury bratty, with a good inch of tip breaking the waters surface. In my lengthy toilet career, this is the first time i've chanced upon a freak event such as this. What could be the cause? Is it a complete coincidence or is there some sort of covert faecal display team touring the Industrial cities of the North.