Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Agent_Smith, Jan 24, 2006.

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  1. Well chaps and lumpy jumpers!

    I've just broken up with my significant other because she 'isn't in the right state of mind for a relationship'

    Is this woman talk for something else and if so what, and should i be a man and walk away with my dignity intact or should i conduct a campaign of revenge?

    All views welcome on this one (I await the deluge of name calling and ridicule)

    A_S :D
  2. Do her sister, or mother or even both to show her what she is missing. Got to be worth a try
  3. Her sister is a complete gomper, but her mum is almost acceptable, and she did have a twinkle in her eye whenever i met her (that may or may not have been the glass eye :D )
  4. Break into her house and do a huge dump on her Duvet and stick a small cocktail sausage flag in it. If she makes an issue of it, tell her you weren't in the correct frame of mind to use the toilet Agent Smudge!

    ps. Best if said strumpet is not actually in the bed when you carry out this act of vengeance.
  5. You poof that's the soft option. Do her Dad, that's the way to play it. It takes a real man to bone someones father. Then leave with your dignity and she'll come around to what she's missing.
  6. This is, quite possibly woman code for; I fancy someone else.

    Finding out for certain would require you to switch to undignified stalker mode, think lots of hanging around outside or near her place. Making use of that spare set of keys you had cut to get in there when she's out (illegal by the way) and checking her post, diary, and bed for incriminating, holiday bookings, appointments, suspicious stains etc. Frankly you've got much better things to do with your time and going down that route effectively means she's screwing you over even more than she actualy might be.

    Far better to assume the worst, and simply poke her toothbrush up your arse. I won't lie to you, it will leave your nipsy a little uncomfortable, don't scrub with the thing for god's sake or else it'll be a few days before it all calms down. But at least you leave with the thought that she'll have a sore throat for a few days, and if you hit the jackpot the threepenny bits. Remember to remove the more obvious debris and resist the urge to tell her what you've done later on.

    Aside from that get back in the saddle as quick as possible but try to resist the urge to exact your revenge on all woman-kind just because of this lady's failings.
  7. Do a dump in the back of the telly, so every time it gets switched on it stinks. Also put prawns in the hem of the curtains, she will never find them and they too will stink. :wink:
  8. don’t get drunk, try and screw her best mate and end up sleeping with her best mates minging friend then break into here email account and get amazingly depressed by reading about her giving blow jobs to her new fella

    not that I would do that
  9. She's a sl4g. She 'isn't in the right state of mind for a relationship' because she wants to nosh off every squaddie within a 40 mile radius.

    She wants to try lesbian sex and all the kinky stuff that she never thought she could ask you to do (what was your first reaction to the sly finger up the bum? It's always a prelude to something else). :twisted:

    Next thing she'll be saying that you are a nice guy, and it's not you it's her! :roll: Hurrumph!

    Best to move on and find some gullible 16-year-old chav resplendent in Elizabeth Dukes finest to do all the sl4ggy things she's currently off doing with someone else.

    Best of luck old chap- remember your wellies! :wink:
  10. To inspire some of you with slightly more devious imaginations, she works with window lickers. Proper Billy's

    Mlllllaaaaaaaaaaaarrr! :D

    Ideas anyone?
  11. Post any photos you might have on this site - then im sure well be in a much better position to help you with a revenge plot.
  12. Leave this on her answer phone: "look I'm sorry but before we split up I was seeing a prostitue and I've caught the clap, best get down to the clap clinic and see if I 've passed it on to you"
  13. Move on, she obviously thinks your todger is too small, accept it and go for a less bucketlike version. If you go for the revenge option she might just fancy sharing that information with all of your potential conquests. Whatever happens keep your dignity, always be polite to her and never slag her off to her mates or whine about losing her, maintain the moral high ground at all times and at least people won't think your a big soft shite who can't think for himself. When she eventually sees that you aren't in fact the immature little boy that she thought you were and comes running back.......fcuk her off and give her gimpy sister one. That'll learn her :)
  14. PM her name, Number and sordid secrets to the more deviant members of arrse.