Revenge Thread

Right,

there seems to be a general consensus from the Bravo Too Stupid thread for an interesting and informative thread on revenge.

Let's have your stories about acts of revenge you have carried out on others, had carried out on you (if you want to own up to it) and other revenge stories you've heard from elsewhere.

Can be big or small...the amusing and inventive the act of revenge was the better!  

(No reciting urban myths...it's not big and it's not clever!)

 

Mild one to start.

Had to buy a bunny for a demo of how to kill wildlife on a survival weekend.  Bunny (by now known as "Floppy") duly used as demo, skinned and eaten.

Girlies in unit thought this was a nasty thing to do, so after some standard night patrol stuff, got in my gonk bag to find...........................

Floppy's head !!!!!

Shades of the Godfather - perhaps on a slightly smaller scale.

Note - bunny head not good pillow  

 

Good one to second...Civvy thing but amusing.   Ex husband who was giving me grief over the contents of his sarnies every morning....  I had a dog at that time who was into Pedigree Chum (yes many years hence) and spread half a tin on to thick sliced.... told the ex it was a new type of pate. He ate the lot. First time he enjoyed his lunch for a long time he said...... Oh boy did I have a grin from ear to ear! I still have that grin to this moment remembering that day ......

 

Nothing like a 'Pal' sarnie to start you off for the day.......just ask some of the FFs, they were on them long enough!

 

I took revenge on the sweet little old lady next door, when she ignored me in the supermarket, I stuck a hatchet in her back, cut her feet of and nicked her powdered milk

 

Lippy that's gross sweetie  

So is this the confessions of a bunny boiler thread? :
I've certainly spent hours fantasising over revenge..I'd be a real boiler if I let myself start so I try to resist for my own sake as i'd be very good at it

I once planned to have a cheating exes' letterbox filled with mailings from gayporn/aids literature/navy recruitment literature etc.
Freepost addresses..enclosing his name and address..I didn't send any of them off in the end but it was therapeutic planning it and it would have been free.

I tracked down my kids' father to his town then found out on the internet who all his neighbours were and what groups etc  they were involved in then phoned him and told him all about them, pretending that I'd talked to everyone in the street who now knew all about him. He seemed to respect me after that

BB =Bunny Boiler mwah ha ha ha  

 

I know but I bet you smiled!!!! catch you laters ppl XX

 

I was chatting earlier this week to a guy I was at school with, he has been trying since last year to get the 'girlfriend' move out.
Things came to a head a fortnight ago, she moved, under protest, but took a hammer to his car on departure.
A complete write off.    

 

Arrived back off p1ss in Soest to find that nig had helped himself to the contents of our herfy fridge.

nig was stripped, shot in the genitalia with BB guns, handcuffed to one of those big kraut wheelie bins and pushed down the slope outside the NAAFI at Salamanca, whereupon, after a 150 yard high speed descent, he crashed into a 4 tonner parked outside the armoured workshops.

He then had to crawl to the guardhouse, naked, dragging a wheelie bin behind him, whereupon  he shopped us.

One visit by the RMP and one lost stripe later, I was still p1ssing myself thinking of the bleeding wretch crawling the 100 yards to the guardroom, with big metal bin in tow

 

A week before our little girl's first birthday, her father and I were invited to a wedding. All went well,...... until him and his cousin started chatting up two women who were also there.

Next thing,...... they'd all disappeared!

Turns out they'd all gone off to a nearby pub for a 'friendly' drink!

His family (two aunt's and a cousin) started going on about how I shouldn't put up with it etc,.... really wound me up!  Back home, I'd just bathed the baby, when he came strolling it and told me that he was going out for the evening with his cousin and these two women!  I threw a fit, said he wasn't going anywhere,...... in true b@st@rd style' he said he was knackered and was gonna have a sleep first (he was p!ssed).  Next thing I knew, he was throwing up!

He'd lost his two front teeth after an accident on his bike years before, so he had false one's..... and because he was being so violently sick, he took them out and left them on the bathroom windowsill!  

BIG MISTAKE!!!

I waited till he'd gone back to bed,.... and dropped them down the loo, then flushed it!  Bugga, they wouldn't go,..... I tried dozens of times, no matter what, they just wouldn't go!  I was gutted!  So,..... I hid them instead!

Next morning, I arrived downstairs... and gummygob was standing in the kitchen...... the conversation went summat like this.....

Him:  Ok, where's me teeth
Me:   What teeth?
Him:  The teeth I left on the bathroom windowsill
Me:   Oh them,... they've gone
Him:  Yeah yeah, give me em now
Me:   Haven't gottem
Him:  I gotta be at work in ten minutes, gimme me teeth
Me:   I ain't got them, are you deaf?
Him:  Where are they?
Me:   I flushed 'em down the loo,... ask the baby, she waved bye bye to em!
Him:  You're joking?
Me:   Am I laughing?
Him:  I gotta be at work,.... where are they?
Me:   I just told you

(by now I was laughing)

Him:  Look, I can't go to work without my teeth
Me:   Well you'll have to go see the dentist tomorrow and get some more
Him:  You're not kidding are yer?

After making him 20 mins late already, I decided to let him have them back,.... the look on his face was one of sheer relief.  I handed over the teeth, watched as he popped them in his mouth, then burst out laughing.....


Him:  What are you laughing at?
Me:    Hahahahahaha
Him:   Are you mad or what?
Me:    No, you are, I really DID put them down the loo but they wouldn't flush away..... and you've just put them in without washing them first!    

 

Respect to the postman in Belfast 12 who has been delivering a high volume of Conservatory and home shopping catalogues, credit card and charity membership applications to certain local addresses for the past 20 years

 

It wasn't me mind..... but does anyone remember a few years ago the farmer who spray 10 tonnes of slurry over his council offices for taking 3 years to turn down his planning application?

Superb!  

 

I remember that one Woopert.. I believe it was done to North Allerton parish council offices in N. yorks if I remember correctly...

 

There was a fantastic picture of him with the slurry tanks and the hose firing it all over the building and the official cars door-deep in it.  Didn't he get 18 months suspended for it?