Revenge; the art of x1

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by george07, Oct 16, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Ok there must have been an NCO who was a twat ! so the question is gentlemen and the Lovely Ladies . What did you do to get your own back? So good was it that no matter how he/she bellowed no one would bubble you up .So lets hear it chapter and verse ,oh by the way you will not be locked up or extradited .
  2. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I have urinated in the kettle of every single Royal Navy Regulator I have ever met.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. I know someone who put two LSD tabs in the tea urn used during talks to buy the company they worked for.

    Bet that was a funky meeting
  4. i changed a guys flight details on his way home from work from Glasgow to Ouagadougou in Burkina Faso.

    Ha wasnt too chuffed when he tried to check in online with his locator number!
    • Like Like x 1
  5. A L/sgt was always pinching my tea which i brewed up or brought back from the cook house , so i made a brew and put some epsom salts in the tea , the twat shat himself on the barrack square a few hours later
  6. so many lies, so little cyberspace
    • Like Like x 5
  7. H3

    H3 LE

    After a 4 day OP we returned back to camp only to be dicked for GD's .... This entailed the bullshit of laying out the plates and cutlery for the Snr Ranks and officers for their evening meal , there were tongues licking plates and KFS sucking just for pay back !!

    I'm sure there was a bit of knob cheese left on plates too !!
  8. There was a shiny arse Cpl working as a discip in the office of our trade training sqn. He always left his twat hat unattended by the hatch to collect the courses mail. It got skiffed almost daily.
  9. ...................................This was told to me by the victim. A 2LT from the Irish rangers. A real aristocratic sounding lad!

    Whilst on tour in NI, he would check the sanger sentries.

    They knew he was on his way & ejaculated into the eyepieces of the sanger duty Bino's.

    Aristo Rupert walks in, picks up bino's, puts them to his eyes to check the area outside the sanger.

    Result.....two eyes dripping full of semen.

    Those Mick's were bad lads!
  10. When I left the Corps I used some cash I'd saved from my last tour and went with a booty mate to America. We went to Savannah, GA where his bird lived and got right on this piss straight away! It was crackers, we lived in a house full of legally held firearms, we set up a contact lane and made full use of a Remington 870 and a Sig Sauer and had our legs suitably blown up by a couple of arty type birds.

    I got on the Internet one day piss bored and booked us a Grey-Hound to Clearwater in Florida, 18 hours zonk on a bus and we'd gone from a shit heap of a town to where Hulk Hogan lived! :)

    In the interest of saving coin (as I was intending to stay permanently) we stayed in a youth hostel for 11 dollars a night each. At this point I have to say that my pal was loved up with a bird who had a Mohican from Jacksonville, he said he was going back to her and would see me at New Years Eve at the MTV Building (she'd bagged us tickets) That last night we met a guy called Clint, 40 ish and full of patter, we took him on the piss and I thought he was mega and paid for his ale all night, he was half the size of us who are both plus 6 footers and 15/16 stone in the nip but got a bit aggressive when it came to gambling, then suggested we play pool for cash, (he couldn't grasp the concept of spoof).

    My pal lost 3 frames in a row, indebting himself to Clint for 60 dollars. I offered to clear my mates debt in a 'double or quits' scenario, spanked his arse completely and he then owed us cash, he got a proper strop on and did a runner, I wasn't going to get myself in a pickle for a few quid so we had a giggle about it and carried on supping.

    We then went to a club a few doors down from the Scientology Centre and were surprised to find out we'd gone to an R and B night, (in essence we were 2 white guys, nodding our heads to rap music and looking decidedly uncomfortable in front of Clearwaters black populace !! :) )

    So we chinned it off, we got back to the hostel and as if by magic my pals gear had disappeared, a Cyclops Bergan full of clothes, presents for his missus and his badly hidden cash. He was livid, he cracked an empty bottle open and steamed into the adjacent room and Clint had cleaned out every persons kit in there too.

    It proper ruined the whole trip, my pal fucked off back up North, and I ended up stuck with a couple of lads from Essex with the combined IQ of a square centimetre of Barrier Reef.

    Luck prevailed though, I was leaving the forecourt of the Petrol Station across from the Fire Department with a fistful of microwaved Burrito and he suddenly appeared, I was with an Irish lad called Eammon who gripped my shoulder and advised me against any application of recourse but i battered the cunt, I'm a firm believer in being fair if your a big lad but I took great pleasure in turning his grid into a mess, I butted him daft and dropped myself onto his lower back whist pounding his uncovered ears until they were hanging off his head.

    Grade A sticky fingered prick
    • Like Like x 1
  11. I remember a lance jack in 59sqn who took a huge dump in the old regimental bakers plimsolls, the baker said absolutely nothing.9 months later at the bakers farewell pissup, the lance jack apologised for his prank, to which the baker replied the jokes on you all, I dried the turds in my bakers oven, ground them into a fine powder ,put the powdered crap into the mess pepper pots ,I hope you all enjoyed it, now thats what I call payback, Yacker yates fell off his chair laughing
  12. The Fire Brigade are on standby to douse your trousers.
    • Like Like x 3
  13. A lad recounted this tale, there was a lad in the company, who was always bragging he was the bees knees when it came to the opposite sex . And he was always gobbing off , but you could not give him a beating very likeable but a right pain in the Arse . He was always a baine of this lads life and one day he got pay back big style. One of the boys in the platoon had to visit the knob clinic , and this lad borrowed his mate's clap card [no names but numbers] . And told this pain in the arse the girl he was seeing had the bad case of the dose ! Panicking he shoots off the the knob clinic for tests . The lad came back and screamed blue murder , at having been prodded down his japs eye . it however cured his youthful antics for a long while .
  14. I've abused a few NCO's on here, it's great acting hard on the internet
  15. An agency I worked with phoned me up and asked my opinion on the suitability of a right twat I had the misfortune of serving with. Always playing the "auld sweat" routine a COCK of the highest order

    He didn't get the job