Revenge Ideas

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by NigG, Aug 14, 2009.

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  1. There are a couple of people in this office who are long overdue their comeuppance and I’m just in the mood to dish it out.

    I need something quite stealthy and sneaky as I don’t particularly want to loose my job over it, so it can’t be traceable.

    In an ideal world I want to be sat at my desk with a smug grin on my face watching my evil plan unfold.

    Ideas which have made it to the short list so far are;

    1. A P*ss laced cup of tea.
    2. S*it Laced food

    As you can see I don’t have much imagination so all ideas are welcome.

  2. Do what one of the Surveyors did at my old place, try get the login details of said c*nt, then send a load of pictures of dilated arrseholes and scat images to the 45 other members of the firm.
    Possibly one of the funniest 'team briefings' I have ever had the pleasure to chair
  3. I think Reni's suggestion may take some beating to be honest.
  4. Quite, big hoo haa about it and 1 sacking, the c*nt kept his job but was slowly eroded over time by the incessant sniggering of every works team, sub contractor and desk jockey that came in for prayers every morning.
    (Point to note, dont vote in favour of the board laying off 10 of your OWN guys then laugh about it at a works do :D )
  5. Really good except but for one thing. I have already logged on to one of their machines this week and changed their screen savers, and sent flirting emails to other people, etc. They don't know it was me although there were witnesses and this would probably incriminate me.

    Excellent for future ref though cheers.
  6. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    get a syringe, and squirt a load of milk into the seat cushion of their office chair.

    it'll be festering nicely after a few days, and the stench should be bloody unbearable and well in their clothes after a week or so.

    a subtle one is a small piece of sellotape over the contacts of their office pc's network cable - just enough to cover the contacts. it should still fit the socket, but they'll have no connectivity and it's v. hard to spot.

    swap the mouse/keyboard leads around. if they still have a mechanical mouse (ie one with a ball) bit of sellotape over the movement detecting rollers as well. or just pinch the ball, but thats easier to notice.

    petty I know, but well worth the effort.
  7. watercress seeds in his jacket pocket.

    empty the hole puncher into his umbrella.

    wedge a beetroot into his car's exhaust (or alternatively shove it in another car with it's exhaust pointing towards your victim's car).

    alternatively, if you're not arsed about being seen as the perpetrator, shit into a small box, set it on fire and sling it under his desk while he's sat at it. It'll raise a laugh when he tries to put it out, and if he's that much of a throbber you shouldn't lose your job. (Unless he's your boss, that is)
  8. Save a screen image on his computer, then delete all his shortcuts and then use the saved screen image as a desktop background. Fuck his head up completely by altering his monitor settings so that the screen appears upside down.
  9. Try this ask the people round the pub for a drink after work

    1.Lace their drinks with rohypnol
    2.Help them out to where your car is waiting saying you'll give tem a lift probs
    3.Take them to a disused isloted farmhouse and tie them and gag them
    4.Make them watch as you dismember their families ( who you've already kidnapped) with a chainsaw
    5.Go to work on them with hatchets, pliers and blow torches
    6.Dump them disfigured with their tongues and hands cut off out their grans house where upon finding them she keels over with a heart attack.
    7.Go down the pub for a well earned pint...and give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.
  10. Put a rusty iron spike under the driving seat of his car; long enough to come to rest just shy of the surface.

    This works as an excellent theft deterrent, so long as you remember to remove it before driving it yourself
  11. Make up a fake twitter page in their name and then fill it with loads of nasty but incrimnating stuff regarding work colleagues. neo-facist organisations, etc Let slip that you found it but tell everyone to keep it a secret from the said person. The rumour machine will take over and will lead to justifed paranoia, alcohol and suvstance abuse, possibly dimissal and certain death in a dingy bedsit in scumsville.

  12. Glad I found this post as was about to ask some advice myself.

    I live in a ground floor flat and, for the past couple of weeks, some obnoxious individual has taken to letting his dog crap RIGHT under my window, by that I mean my window opens into a small earthed area and the fcuker must actually lift the dog up to do it.

    Its a little rat, jack russell or some other fcking creature as I can tell from the stool size. I really am at the end of my tether and, although I have narrowed down the time to between 0600-0730, I'm away at work so not much chance of catching them in the act without CCTV.

    I know what I'd LIKE to do when I catch the bastard but that would probably ammount to a nicking. If I wasn't a dog lover I'd parquat the area and watch the fucker die but that one's out. Any ideas that will keep me the right side of the law and damage the owner and not the dog. I would put borken glass down but kids are always runing past.
  13. I think aforementioned dog might be a bit too nails for them. However, will put '.....a good sawting arht' at the top of my to-do list. :)
  14. Be a good citizen gather all cr@p in a bag and post it through his letter box with polite note telling him you are returning his property.
  15. Problem is, again times make it hard to catch them, otherwise would have bagged stuff up and posted it through his bay window via brickmail. I spose I could OP it but lose a days work into the bargain though I'm getting close to that one.

    Again, really want to staay right side of law but council or the Police just don't give a fcuk.

    I suspect it may be Kernal Sanchez and his poodle :)