Revenge, give me your best ideas...........

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Banker, Aug 2, 2010.

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  1. Have a serious "family" dispute. Mother's brother in law, the cnut, and his daughter, the cnut, need sorting. They live in Australia (where I have good connections). They've behaved in a way that would, in ordinary circumstances, be rewarded with a lengthy kicking........but that doesn't work in this case due to their age and gender.

    So, I'm looking for your finest "I'll fcuk you one way or another" ideas. Nothing to much for this type of people, they're fcuking dogs.
  2. Get them tickets for a Jason Donovan(or similar cnut) tickets, or a "Bushtucker Experience"
  3. They live in Australia. Have they not suffered enough?
  4. Mate, they're that fcuked that it would be the Aussies suffering..........believe me.
  5. the_boy_syrup

    the_boy_syrup LE Book Reviewer

    Are you mad you're leaving your self wide open there me old mate
    That phrase alone could land you in jail
    Ageism and sexisim are serious crimes in todays world
    Regardless of age and sex who are you to deny them the privillage of having their heads stoved in
    Can I urge you to get more P.C. and lose the neanderthall "isims" this isn't the 70's Gene
    Give them a good kicking

    Failing that I always find a nice laxitive soaked Birthday / Celebration cake sent for special occasions always helps
  6. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    Send our Boss there for a two week holiday. ;-)

    In the words of Kevin Bloody Wilson

    That'll Fuck'em!
  7. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Get one of your Aussie connections to bury half a kilo of heroine and a few grand in their back garden, after a few weeks, anonymously phone the Aussie police and say you have seen lots of strange men coming and going from the premises at un-sociable hours and only for a few minutes at a time, say you think there is a child in the house and you are worried about it's safety, say the men seamed spaced out and looked very dishevelled.

    Hopefully they will receive a visit from plod and a sniffer dog at some point and the fun and games will really begin.

    Hey it worked for me and the grotty old bag that used to be my neighbour until she complained about my shed.
  8. FFS Ravers, I suspected that you are rich, but the heroin must be worth £20K... fucking uncut, ahem, just a, erm, amateurs guess of course.
  9. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    It's a small price to pay to get rid of a pesky neighbour. If you can't get any heroine, I know a man who can sort you out with a crate full of AK47s, I'm sure plod wouldn't be too impressed if they dug those up. What are the firearms laws like in Aus?
  10. Sign them up for as many "freebie" mail shots and e-mail updates as you can possibly find before you get too bored.

    Set your own passwords on them so that they can't change them or unsubscribe.

    Don't just set off the boring "Cute Porcelain Animals Collection" and "water softeners" but get in there with "Anal Asian Intruders Monthly", etc. In fact, make it fun, and see what the most vile outlandish one is that you can find.

    Only a thought !!
  11. Phone the Aussie Social Services and say you have reason to believe that said Bloke is sexually molesting said young girl! And to top it off , nod to plod that you have seen picture of young kids on his computer, anon of course! Should get a visit from plod and social servoces sticking there big NOSES in!
  12. Find out if they have a lawn. If they have, get someone to do a midnight raid with string, pegs and watercress seeds.

    Next morning nothing should be visible, nor should it be for a week or two until they next cut the lawn. At that point will be revealed, in large block letters the white watercress stalks against the green grass spelling out 'FUCK YOU'.

    It's a bugger to get rid of too.

    Alternatively, get a local mucker to print off a bunch of fliers advertising a new sauna or brothel (I think they're legal in most parts of Oz) offering a free VIP massage for the opening day. Include their address and phone number. Distribute liberally in their locale.
  13. Take whet with you in a wheelchair as a ploy. Then dump the cunt in the outback.
  14. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    You forgot stage 5a where you have to let the Daughter catch you being soundly buggered by the Mother's Brother-in-Law...

    and then repeat.
  15. I did this to my ex and felt a right cnut afterwards - leaflet the local area and tell everyone shes Maxine Carr - god knows where she lives now but its not in the house I paid good bloody rent for