Retuning faulty goods - a result

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by armourer, May 9, 2005.

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  1. At my wifes behest I had to return a faulty hoover to a large well known electrical retailer, it was 5 weeks (35 days) old and was f*cked.

    On presenting the f*cked item to a weasel boy who's badge claimed he was a "Customer Service Advisor"

    I said, "it's well fucked, refund please"

    Weasel Boy said "How long have you had it"

    Me: 5 weeks

    W/Boy: big intake of breath, big spastic grin and sorry 28 days for refund see it's written on the notice.

    Me: manager please

    W/Boy: I think he is busy

    Me: unbusy him

    W/Boy: leaves and retuns with a slack jawed faggot who is indeed a manager, sorry sir can't give refunds after 28 days.

    Me: I haven't taken my medication today and I am now having a sense of humour failure, failure on your part to give me a refund will result in that tasty bit of fluff, also a customer service advisor, over there having to ring for an ambulance, because you and Weasel Boy are going to have your teeth kicked down your throat.

    Weasel Boy, Slack Jawed Faggot in unison: we'll call the police

    Me: they won't be quick enough

    Slack Jawed Faggot to Weasel Boy: give him a refund now.

    Me: Why thankyou.

    A result...I got me money back AND stayed out of klink.
  2. Good man! And the worst people for it are the banks.

    Nice lady behind glass screen: 'Hello Sir, how can I help.'

    Me: 'I have a few discrepancies with my account I'd like to discuss with my account manager.'

    Nice lady: 'Certainly Sir, I'll see who's available.'

    [wait 15 minutes]

    Acct Mgr: 'Hello Mr Bits, sorry to keep you waiting, how can I help.'

    Me: 'You seem to have levied certain banking charges which seem to be in error.'

    Acct Mgr: 'Right let's have a look.'

    [one hour later, after a haggling session that would make a Bedouin's dad proud]

    Acct Mgr: 'I'm sorry Mr Bits, I don't have the authority to remove these charges.'

    Me: 'Are you or are you not my account manager?'

    Acct Mgr: 'Well, yes.'

    Me: 'But you don't have the authority to manage my account.'

    Acct Mgr: 'Well, in this instance....'

    Me: 'Right, I expect a phone call from you by lunchtime tomorrow, or I'm moving my account and my mortgage to another bank.'

    Acct Mgr: 'Ah, well......'

    Cracking. Works every time.
  3. Just state the manager and his monkey that "you will take them to the small claims court and advertise all over with the internet that they are cnuts."

  4. Ignore the "28 days" refund bullshit, that's only if you change your mind and don't want the goods anymore, if it's faulty the 28 days policy doesn't apply.