Resupplying the Walters.

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by tattybadger, Jan 23, 2005.

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  1. Great blokes - always spicing up an evening on the pish with fantastic stories - the chicks love em

  2. Slightly weird blokes who should be avoided in the pub.

  1. Watching Ultimate Force last night reminded me of those blokes that you come across - normally propping up a bar - who have invented a complete doppelganger for themselves.

    UF will have filled them full of ideas for their next series of gargantuan whoppers to be told after a beer or two ... when I was wiv Henno, in a Jumbo at 35 fousund feet, I had to snot a gook who freatened to kill Bliar. He gave me a GC, but it's er hush hush yer know what I mean. Lost a good mate - but ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    They were the ops offr of the south det, lying in a bush for the last 18 months. Or the bloke who was awarded the 'Crois du Guerre' in the Balkans. Or the bloke who was caught with para wings on his kit, before he went off on a singleton UN posting, having never been near a parachute. And why are the SAS never called the SAS by these blokes - always the lads from Hereford or the guys or some other such guff. The stories cannot be secret cos they ain't true!!

    Why do they do it in such a small organisation, knowing that they will be caught out? Does our selection process not weed out pathological liars? Worst of all why do they fcuk up a good evening when it all turns very embarrasing. Irritating muppets. :evil:

    There must be some good Walter stories out there?
  2. Perhaps they lack excitement in their lives.

    Funny how you never hear of anyone pretending to be a clerk. Could you imagine it? " There i was on my own wiv a munfs filing to do an' the post to collect. I was at it all night. Last time I seen Nobby, he was on his FSA course.......doesn't say much nowadays. The lads never mention it to him in the bar. Accounts? tell me about it. We had this Discipline Sgt once, hands were full of filing cabinet scars.........fcuk me, could that boy type...."

    Just doesn't have the same ring does it?

    I do rememebr being out on the p*ss yonks ago with a few mates when one of them tried telling a German lass that he was a helicopter pilot........turned out she was as well!

    I also remember being 'questioned' by a couple of knobs (each about 19yrs old) down the aldstadt who claimed that they were SIB and I've been doubtful about one or two clowns that I've met in my past who wore wings.
  3. I find it fascinating to wind up the Walts. I've only come across two (that I can ping for certain) and both of them giving it large with the P-Coy stories.

    I have worked alongside members of the para reg for a couple of years, and I've seen all their photos, and heard all their stories (and even seen one of their videos, although thats strictly for the NAAFI!!), but the two lads I met out on the p1$$ who tried to convince me they were para's didn't even know what events were in P-Coy :lol:

    So, just to wind them up, start inventing some events - the more bizarre the better. Suggestions most welcome, I started off with the "Trailer Race over the assault course" story, a la Gun-Run style!!!

    Hook, Line and Sinker - they went off in the huff!!
  4. Careful GR - that sounds like the start of a walter story!!!!! :lol:
  5. Nah - far too young to be that exalted.
  6. LMAO! :lol: :lol:

    Only difference being you would never catch me within 500 feet of a C130 if the door was going to open mid-flight!!!

  7. I had a colleague who's father insisted on wearing a blazer with the SAS emblem and wouldn't say anything about where he served but only drop generalities (easily read up on) and then when pressed, he said he couldn't say anthing because he'd signed the official secrets act. He was a laughable character and eveyone knew he was a waster. After a sneaky recce, he was followed to his place of work - in the MOD as a photograph collator - tosser par excellence!
    Another fellow I met claimed to be SAS and had been given a deniable sniper job - to sit in a tree and shoot Col. Gaddaffi!! Bless 'em!
  8. Well i suppose you have to give them credit...

    ...for brightening up an evening :lol:
  9. Funny I was going to start a thread on this but I will join this instead

    I have come across so many walts it terrible, here we go

    1. When I was a kid there was this bloke in some club that my dad was in, when he heard that I wanted to join up he decided he would regal me with his life as, wait for it, a RAF ground crewman during the war who also was part of a secret hit squad that no one could talk about. He did tell me that when he returned from a mission he wore a yellow epaulette sleeve, this meant that no-one on the airfield was to talk to him and especially discipline him as he was winding down from an op and was extremely dangerous :roll:

    2. Whilst in the ACF I unfortunately met a SI who claimed he was Foreign Legion and could only back it up with a photo of him in a book about the Legion, yep you guessed it fuzzy half pic of a unit marching.

    3. Whilst in basic training I heard of the mother of a lad who had been chucked out rang to complain and ask why after he was doing so well, it seems he told her that he had done his parachute course, had just passed his commando course and was due on his SAS course next week, this was week 4 by the way.

    4. I met an interesting chap who was kicked out of his unit into mine for grassing some JNCO's for his own safety, first time I met him he strolled up to me bold as brass and tried to tell me about when he was in the Marines BEFORE he joined Junior Leaders and who a SAS det had to extract him from Africa because during post training leave he decided to become a Mercenary in Rhodesia, yes he said Rhodesia

    5. Met quite a clever mitty after I left, I say clever because he claimed he was ex-queens and ex-SAS and claimed he was at the Iranian embassy siege BUT said he was in support taking Int photos and didn't go in, clever as it sounds cool and very believable. What let him down was he said he joined the army because of the Falklands, again clever because he never made any claim that he went there and won the war or anything. Its just the math doesn't work, how can you join up during the Falklands in 1982 and somehow pass selection and be part of the siege 2 years previously :twisted:

    6. The last is by far the best and is legendary within the unit I was with for his stories, this fellow would often claim that he was an ex para trained commando, just wouldn't wear the badges and went one better whilst at Hedley Court claiming a couple of tapes as well, unfortunately for him another lad from our lot turned up a week later :D No this guy had a bizarre fantasy world going on in his own mind, when warned for GW 1 he suddenly disappeared only to turn up a week after it was all over claiming he had amnesia and lived all that time in a forest under a bivi with only a squirrel for company and knew nothing of the war :roll: and only came to recently and was ready to do his bit. But the funniest fantasy was his claim to of been the bass player in Canadian rock group Heart, you know the one with the 2 fit birds in, well not only did he claim that BUT also said the blond one in the group, Amanda de Cabinete (sp??) yes I know, I know, had his baby 8O

    Don't you just love 'em
  10. My own persomal comment is I have met more ex members of 22nd Regt in Chiang Mai in the four years I have lived here, then I ever met in 23 years in HM forces.
    On one memourable occasion we had one guy telling the tale and a former Brit Consul who as might be expected is a Decent Elderly Gent, just said
    "You know we meet allsorts up here, its quite alright, you can be anyone you like, we all understand."
    Our hero shut up, paid his bill, made a suitable excuse and left, never to be seen again.
  11. There is a problem with Rhodesia?..................the rest of it is cack but your point is?
  12. There is no such place, Rhodesia was renamed Zimbabwe in (I believe) 1980, maybe thats being pedantic but the point I was making was that he was trying to claim being involved inthe trouble in Rhodesia which rained through the late sixties and into the seventies, this was 1991/2 ish

    In other words he couldn't even think of a crediablle war to fight in
  13. Outstanding put down by the Consul there. I'll wager that the remainder at the table wet their pants when he came out with that. :lol: :lol: :lol:
  14. The Ta gets a lot of walters from the ex reg ie did a couple of weeks of basic .The Ex para 2 weekends 10 para who range from useless to decent blokes till they had a few beers .
    To the complete out and out knobs my favorite has to be the bloke who pretended to be in the ta ! That must be the saddist walt ever.
  15. The two fit birds in Heart were Ann and Nancy Witt and I thought they were from the US (but I could be wrong about the last bit).

    One of my clients was such a Walt he wound up in the funny farm. He had, according to him, been in both the Signals and the Guards. He had actually been in neither but there was a tenuous connection. He was a train driver. :lol:

    The stories about him would fill several volumes but would probably get me sued..........