Reply on behalf of the French

Just tell 'em we eat French beans, French bread and French fancies., though we call them French letters, French has-beens and French poofters who surrender at the drop of a hat.
As for the Chinese, tell them we love take aways and thankfully we are now all friends with Japan, and is the Yangtse the same river we fecked 'em over on.
As an aside, might be a good idea to remind them all that we are English and as such have won the lottery of life and aren't they just jealous of us.
Could tell them what the French thaught of Lord Nelsons victories.

Then perhaps not.


Take an Orange from the box.


More difficult when there is a third-party audience. However, in my experience (and many have already made the same suggestions) you can't beat our similar outlook on:

Rugby: Ignominious loss would have been preferable to the technical draw.
Drink: The finer points of Newcy Broon vs a Burgandy.
Food: Not much difference between moule frites and fish and chips (other than malt vinegar vs a Burgoyne sauce).
Climate: Enough said.
Still on the subject of Waterloo - the railway station - you may recall that Eurostar used to depart from there to Paris before it was later re-routed to depart from St Pancras.

I was working at Northwood at the time that a French politician worked up a head of steam about the sheer affrontery of Perfidious Albion to allow such an insult. I was eating lunch with a group of others, including a PJHQ officer who was a French army colonel ( for the sake of argument, let's call him Patrick) when the subject was raised.

I said that I agreed completely with the French politician. Patrick, his soup spoon stopped halfway to his mouth, gave me a hard stare and asked: "What name would you prefer instead of Waterloo, Wightsparker?"

I replied: "Agincourt."

Patrick shrugged and said: "I would prefer Hastings."

Patrick was later asked to propose the toast to The Immortal Memory at that year's Trafalgar Dinner, and gave an excellent speech.
Maybe an adaptation of the old

Heaven is where
The policemen are British
The Chef's are Italian
The lovers are French
The drivers are German
and it's all run by the Swiss

Hell is where
The policemen are German
The Chefs are British
The lovers are Swiss
The drivers are French
and it's all run by the Italians
Will the French be present?

Some years ago, an English friend of mine was Best Man at a German wedding. His conversational German was weak, so a speech was written for him in cod German which he acknowleged to his audience, and delivered deadpan whilst relishing their applause. Along the lines of "Isn't it amazing, that an idiot such as I, am descended from those who took from us the Third Reich?", etc. The delivery was such that the English got the gist of it too, brought the house down.

For your consideration, MK
In defeat, we shall retire to the pleasant Rues of Paris. We have noticed that perhaps we could do with some more greenery in the nation's capital. We shall plant large shade trees along the Avenues, such that a future invading Army may march in comfort, for we shall be unable to defeat them either.
Ahh, the old joke about why les crapauds line their roads with trees. To allow the Germans to march in the shade.
Only refer to England as "the USS England."
This year the French or at least some of them will be celebrating the twenty-first of October. The reason being it's the first day of the school hols and they can head off for the hills in search of avalanches.
Waterloo was technically a draw as was the Battle Of Trafalgar, they just love that.

Mentioning the Battle of Formigny in 1450 will get a smile too as they gave us a proper thrashing.

French perspective on the Battle of Trafalgar is an interesting read - I may factor some of that in. I didn't know about 1450, thank you

Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
RangdoOfArg ARRSE: Site Issues 9
DesktopCommando ARRSE: Site Issues 8
HHH 2018 ARRSE Upgrade 1

New Posts

Latest Threads