RentaPal

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Minxy, Jan 10, 2006.

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  1. Rent A Pal

    I cant decide this is really sad, really funny or the man is a genius.


    Still it looks popular, anyone fancy starting up a rentapal business? Downside being you maybe forced to become a chavmate!!! 8O
     
  2. lol
    reminds me of a monty python sketch:
    - Is this the right room for an argument?
    - I told you once
    - No you didn't

    etc...
     
  3. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    The bloke looks like Cliff Richard wearing Elton John's glasses after finding them on his bedside locker.

    But in a very Spammish way he said:
    Four or five ? Any doris that was 'seriously drunk' after that would be right off my Crimbo list, in fact she'd not even rate turning into a ladysuit.
    Bloody lightweight Septics !
     
  4. So THAT'S what happened to Garth from Wayne's World!
     
  5. i have heard abou ta similar thing , one guy hired a few blokes to big him up and generally act like he is the most popular bloke to impress his girlfriend.
    there may be something in i t,

    rent-a-squaddie mate (minimum number 3)
    rent-a-boyfriend (lesbian service)
    rent-a-SAS bloke (you didn't know about this ok )
    rent-a-geek (talk nerdy stuff all night long)
    rent-a-drinking partner (just make sure you are not gay ok)
    rent-a-gay boyfriend ( if you want to make a grand entrance to parties and hear a pin drop :lol: )

    i could think of more but i will leave the floor to others to put their 10p worth in
     
  6. Rent-a-politician........oh sorry, it already exists.........
     
  7. I particularily like the look of the serial killer on the website home page. Just the kind of friend any Billy No Mates would be happy with!
     
  8. Maybe they could get you a world cup ticket, or maybe if you were a palestinian with a Jewish problem they could come up with some sort of solution?
     
  9. Sound like a riveting night. Fcuk me this bloke earns his money :lol:
     
  10. Rentagerman?

    Wow, hire a bunch to play the Waltenpanzerdivision Pimmelkopf during WWII reenactment weekends :D

    Can see from the list that a few could also play free spirited Bavarian beermaids to service the lads after the rigours of "battle" :twisted:
     
  11. I had a German dentist once... Die Weisse Engel.... Kept asking me "Is it safe?"
     
  12. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer


    Yeah, this one's useful...[​IMG]for beating out magnesium fires with it's grid.
     
  13. Semper mentioned it earlier- Rent a squaddie mate. WHAT AN EFFING BRILLIANT IDEA.

    Imagine some airsofting walt hasn't got anybody to take to the airsoft club christmas do, so he hires rent a squaddie mate to impress his pals. So there is walt waiting outside the village hall. Inside all his mates are dancing to slade and wizzard numbers being performed by the mass bands of the household division. The hall has authentically been decorated with arctic camnets and parachutes and the avid airsofters have even got authentic army chritmas bash scran, two norgey containers, one with lasagne and the other with chicken curry.
    Walt looks at his watch it's 1855 hours, Rent a squad is due at 1900. Then suddenly, five minutes before a parade, a taxi pulls up and a bloke with bone dome, tash, in dessie wellies, jeans, last posting T shirt and hellie hanchen fleece falls out of the taxi, and runs into the hall trailing swamp patches and leaving walt to pick up the tab.
    Walt isn't too fussed as he expects that by the time he gets inside his new squaddie mate will be regailing all the other walts with stories of operational hardship, and Walt's reputation as an airsoft hardman will be cemented.
    But when walt gets inside the hall, all the other walts are cowering in the corner nursing swollen eyes and renta squad is in the raw, face down in the lasagne with the evidence of a grand slam all over the walls and floor. Finally when the squad wakes up, he pulls a GS shovel out of nowhere, brays the barmaid and makes off in a yellow moke.
    And walt made the mistake of ordering a green jacket renta squad.
     
  14. I think the Rentasquaddie idea is simply spiffing.

    The school my kids go to has a high proportion of poncey parents. My lads being thoroughly sociable chaps have made many friends amongst the children of these people. The official religion of the school seems to me to be PC of E.

    We've started getting invited round to peoples houses for dinner on the strength of our children's friendships, so I find myself in the situation that i'm knocking around with people I wouldn't actually choose to socialise with. On the whole this is fine. You should always try and mix outside your comfort zone in order that you can formulate sound opinions on a wide range of subjects. On a couple of occasions in the last week though, it would have been great to have "Rentasquaddie" on my speed dial.

    It was another fcuking dinner party. They make out it isn't a fcuking dinner party and your actually invited round for a 'bit of supper.' But to all intents and purposes it's a fcuking dinner party. The biggest waste of a fcuking evening you could possible design or imagine. Six hours of behaving yourself and drinking moderately. Trying to look interested in someone elses job or make yours sound interesting.

    Wouldn't it be fcuking great to just hit the button and wait for the doorbell to ring - - -

    "Ding dong"

    "Ooo I wonder who that could be? We're not expecting anybody are we David"

    "Don't think so, love. I'll see who it is."

    You sit there whistling as he goes to the door and as soon as the noise of scuffling begins in the hallway, stand up an announce,

    "I'm sorry, but I was so fcuking bored, I ordered a Rentasquaddy"

    With screams accompanying them and arms waving, everyone bomb bursts for the back door, but they're too late. It doesn't matter how paggered he is, he can still shift and withing fifteen seconds of entering the house, he has -

    1. Fondled the left breast of the hostess whilst daring the host to take him on in single combat.
    2. Eaten an entire box of After Eights including the paper sachets.
    3. Pulled down his zip and exposed a hairless spud whilst extolling the virtues of Immac.
    4. Completely removed his trousers and underpants then dragged a rolled up towel back and forth between his legs whilst singing "We're having a Gang Bang" by Black Lace
    5. Lit a cig off one of the candles then put it out on the back of his hand.
    6. Found a full length mirror in the hallway and started Buffalo Billing in front of it, occasionally saying "Do you want to fcuk me?" The true horror of the "Buffalo Bill" dance can only be experienced by someone watching to the rear of the dancer, where it looks like he's holding a semi-inflated pink marigold glove between his legs.

    The above list can usually clear a house quicker than Ian Brady coming round to babysit. Though the hosts won't initially appreciate it, it will save them from having to play out the charade of yawning and looking at their watches when they want you to fcuk off.