Rent boy of the County--Help Required!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Tartan_Terrier, Jul 13, 2006.

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  1. I need a bit a of help making up obscene versions of songs for a party.

    Back in days of yore, myself and a couple of mates made up our own version of Coward of the County (you know, the old Kenny Rogers song).

    Now it wasn't too bad, but some parts were frankly crap, and others I can't remember.
    I know amongst the many ARRSErs out there, there are some who can help.

    The Rent Boy of the County

    Everyone considered him the rent boy of the county,
    He never shagged one single bird, to prove the county wrong,
    His daddy named him Rudolph, but folks just called him gayboy,
    But something always told me, he was bisexual.

    He was only eight years old, when his uncle bent him over,
    He'd lusted after Rudolph, 'cause he had a sexy bum.
    I still recall the first time, he ever shagged young Rudoplh,
    He just bent him over, and shoved it up his bum.


    Chorus:

    Promise me son, don't tell no-one what I've done,
    Limp away from this one if you can,
    Now, it don't mean you're weak, if you like to spread your cheeks,
    And Rudolph I sure hope you understand....
    ..sometimes you need KY when with a man.


    There's someone for everyone, and Rudolphs love was Crabby,
    In his hands he held the thing, that proved he was a man.
    One day while he was working the leather boys came calling,
    They took turns at Crabby....and there was three of them!

    Rudolph opened up the door, and saw his Crabby smiling,
    The torn dress, the happy look, were more than he could stand,
    He reached above the fireplace and took down his favoutrite dido,
    as the KY gel dripped from his bum, he heard theses words again....

    Chorus:

    Promise me son, don't tell no-one what I've done,
    Limp away from this one if you can,
    Now, it don't mean you're weak, if you like to spread your cheeks,
    And Rudolph I sure hope you understand....
    ..sometimes you need KY when with a man.

    The leather boys just laughed at him, when he walked into the gay bar,
    One of them got up, and sort of waltzed across the floor,
    When Rudolph turned around, they said 'Hey look, our rent boy's leaving'
    ...but you could have heard a pin drop, when Rudoplh stopped and dropped his drawers!

    20 years of semen were bottled up inside him,
    He didn't need no KY gel or vaseline at all....


    We had some trouble with the last verse, so we're missing the last couple of lines. Suggestions please.




    Oh yes, and if Geordie or Davie are reading this, get in touch will you.
     
  2. The hours must have just flown by.....................................
     
  3. Could see this going down well as a rugby third half tune. Made me laugh anyway.
     
  4. Can you translate it into Spanish with a little dance beat.
    Might just make it to number one :eek:
     
  5. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Tartan Terrier - it must be really nice for you to put into song your autobiography :wink: