REME jokes

Discussion in 'REME' started by daleRoch, Jun 19, 2006.

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  1. A tech, VM and a recy mech are all in jail. The Orderly Officer of the day pops in to see them, and seeing that they are bored (jail has changed since my day) set them all a task. He gives each one of them 2 cannon balls and tells them he will be back later to see what they have done with them. They are locked up for the day with their new toys.
    After guard mount the Orderly Officer opens the techs cell and see that he has the cannon balls balanced on top of each other. He is so impressed he releases the tech. he then opens the VM’s cell to see that he has the cannonballs moving around each other, again he is so impressed that the VM is released. When he opens the recy mech cell he is sat on his bunk crying, “What’s wrong with you” say the Orderly Officer
    “I’ve lost one and broke the other” replies the recy mech
  2. Plastic Toolbox?
  3. At a Rotyal Warrant Presentation in 1988

    OFFICER "Warrant Officer William B***s Joined the Army in 1970 as a Radar Technician. The Following year he elected to change trades to Recovery Mechanic."

    Don't remember the punchline we were all rolling on the floor after the first bit of news
  4. A VM, a Tiffy and a Recy Mech are captured by Local Militia in Iraq, the leader of the militia tells them he will release them after giving them 20 lashes each. He grants them one request and the VM asks for a pillow be strapped to his back. After 10 lashes the pillow splits open and the VM's back is cut to ribbons, the Tiffy on seeing this asks for 2 pillows but to to no avail and after 10 lashes the pillows split open and the Tiffy's back is cut to ribbons. The militia leader notes the laid back attitude of the Recy Mech and for his bravery grants him 2 requests. The recy Mech pauses for a moment and tells the militia leader he wants 40 lashes for his first request, and your 2nd asked the bemused militia leader? "Strap the Fecking Tiffy to my Back................!!
  5. Quite a tame one from your repertoir.

    Just warming up??

  6. A marine RSM, Para RSM and an ASM are sitting in the mess chewing the fat. The booty says that the marines are the hardest, “oh ya” says the Para RSM “prove it”. The marine RSM opens a window and calls a young marine over. “right you” he says “go and get your webbing run to the top of that hill and give me 20 press ups, 20 sit ups and 20 star jumps”. The marine jumps to it, returns and asks if there is anything else. The RSM turns to the others and says “how that is hard” . “I don’t think so” says the Para RSM, leans out the window and calls a Para over. “you son, get your bergan up the top of the hill and give me, 50 press ups, 50 sit ups and 50 star jumps. The young soldier returns and asks if that’s it. The RSM turns to the others and says “how that is hard”. ASM says “ I don’t think so”, just like the others he leans out the window and sees a crafty walking by,” you come here, go get your toolbox , webbing and bergan, up that hill and give me 50 prees up, 50 sit ups and 50 star jumps how”.
    The crafty looks at the ASM and says “you can go fcuk yourself”.

    ASM turns to the others the says “HOW THAT IS HARD”
  7. That is the Jim Davidson gag that actually makes you gag. he tells it with the Spams and us, i saw him in Boz in 94 and Kosovo in '99 and his act was word for word the same.

    Where are you Jim??? You are long overdue a CSE show at Camp Dogwank.(nick nick)

  8. Sorry to steal your thunder but I heard that joke told by a VM at a leaving do Paders in 1990 !!! 8)
  9. The old man was in Bos (banja luka) from 97-99 , loved the CSE i had one of the t-shirts ( gigging all over the world) but it i wore it out :-( he loved it over there, he was working for Turners management fasc. i bet quite a few have been in the turners bar , am i right?
  10. In fact I was in Turners bar in Banja luka for a Games Night this time last year.........left drunk as a skunk.....on only two cans though..... :wink: :wink:

  11. From what i can gather, it was a good place to be, as many drinks as you like, closing time .......closing what?.....tee hee .....anyway if you wer in Bos (Banja Luka metal factory) in those years and you remember big kev give me a shout, migfht bring a smile to the old mans face.
  12. in a recent survey 90per cent of recy mech,s admit to having sex in the shower...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................the other 10per cent haven,t been in prison....yet! :glomp:
  13. You can't spell remedial without REME.