Regular Sex

#1
Wondering what it's like to have sex on a regular basis, as i've got bollocks the size of a set of spacehoppers. Full to the brim with gentlemans relish.

Regular sex just a pipe dream me thinks. Oh bugger.

Advice from the Jedi masters that dabble in the black arts, aka the sport of kings, would be warmly recieved. Oooohhh mate ive just come.
 
#3
At a funeral today and there was this gorgeous Female Funeral Director, would have loved to give her some (un)regular sex.
 
D

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#4
Problem with regular sex is that for the most of us this requires sticking to one partner for long periods of time.

This is a bit like having one's favourite meal morning, noon and night for years at a time......yes you might really, really like lamb chops but after five years or so all you want is something else....regular sex isn't all it cracked up to be.....*sigh*
 
#5
That's why you add relish to those lamb chops. They may still be lamb chops, but by experimenting with different sauces and having the dish at different times in interesting places it's not so bad.
Regular sex is great, although you forget how awful it was without it until you go through a dry patch!
Or are we talking about sex with a woman? That's a totally different matter...
 
#7
If Regular sex isn't working out for you, have you tried TA sex?

(That's not a personal offer :D )
 
#8
stick to knocking about and forget the idea of (same bird sex),it becomes a nightmare trying to refresh positions cos you tried them all!

and when she pops out a sprog or two and becomes fat/smelly/boring/and loose and dont agree with a good fudge tunnel lovin,it is very dull and tbh you will resort to the palm very quick!

talk to the hand` cos most times its the only one who dont complain(abit of hand cream and a tissue and your off)

i`ve tought my bitch that if she isn`t feeling upto it then il just rape her instead(i call it spontaneity)(if ive spelt that right):)(jumping from behind works great armed with a stanley blade.

stick to one nighters as long as you can!!and never say the L word ever!!!
 
#10
I had regular sex until last weekend when I told the girlfriend she was fat......

I don't expect to get it again for quite some time.............
 
#12
i tell her she is fat all the time and say"if i didnt say anything,you would sit on your fat ass and just giveup trying"

put jerry springer on and point out `she aint that bad!!!

works wonders

if it wern`t for the kids etc etc ect id be off blowing my spuds over someone that actaully had a sex drive to speak of.

gotta do the dad duty and stick about as its not about me anymore,but that dont rule out hired entertainment.

god i`m a romantic!!!
 
#14
quite some time is probably a bit hopefull


just ram it home don`t beg.


no means yes remember and a headache means she is tired,but know one said she needs to move.

she will soon give in once you start fumbling with the bean and slip a sneaky finger up her ass.
 
#15
To quote Benny Hill, "Why buy a book when there's a perfectly good library in town" :lol:
 
#16
Schaden and Billyx are bang on the money, sex on tap is dull, dull, dull. I went through two marriages in ten years, both were very desirable women, but for me the itch comes long before the seven year anniversary.
Constantly sniffing about for fresh fadge is much more rewarding. Sure, you'll get dry spells, but when you do manage to persuade some gullible, naive judy that the sun shines out of her tea towel holder, and she lets you induce a total eclipse, you'll feel nineteen again.
 
#18
billyx said:
iv`e had afew itches in my 11yrs with the misses and iv`e scratched them all!

its the chase!!

once thats gone your f*cked
Yup the chase is almost as good as the catch, although at least in Deutschland we have still got places like this

Hurrah! Perfect for sports afternoons
 
#19
billyx said:
stick to knocking about and forget the idea of (same bird sex),it becomes a nightmare trying to refresh positions cos you tried them all!

and when she pops out a sprog or two and becomes fat/smelly/boring/and loose and dont agree with a good fudge tunnel lovin,it is very dull and tbh you will resort to the palm very quick!

talk to the hand` cos most times its the only one who dont complain(abit of hand cream and a tissue and your off)

i`ve tought my bitch that if she isn`t feeling upto it then il just rape her instead(i call it spontaneity)(if ive spelt that right):)(jumping from behind works great armed with a stanley blade.

stick to one nighters as long as you can!!and never say the L word ever!!!
I could not agree more!!

Rule number one in my book.
 
#20
hairydavey said:
I had regular sex until last weekend when I told the girlfriend she was fat......

I don't expect to get it again for quite some time.............
The way outa this one is too lie...tell her you were only joking and you'v kinda got a fetish lately about fat women ...

The way I get regular sex is tell Mr jj .. if he does'nt perform the maritals i'll get someone else that will .. maybe his mate ..or even my mate! the latter always gets him going (he says as long as he can watch)
 

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