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Regimental Glentons

#1
I haven't got a burning hatred for Joe Glenton, he is a bit of a sad sack and to be honest the only one he is continually disgracing by popping up all suited and booted is himself.

He can serve a suitable purpose though by lending his surname as an appropriate moniker for the company/battery/squadron wretch or nightmare, if I at least once hear someone say 'see that Smith cunt? What a fucking Glenton!' I'll be pleased.

My Glenton was a prize chopper. I wasn't the most shouty of lance jacks, 9 times out of 10 I found that communicating what you expected properly without blurring the lines generally bagged results, but this walking fucking thalidomide though bucked the trend.

First week in he grabbed me outside the Coy office and said he had to go home as his parents were divorcing. This to me fell outside of the death/illness/house on fire scenario so fed it up the chain and it came back as a no. With him being fresh up from training with his shiny new green lid on I didn't expect the tantrum he threw but the long and the short was that he fucked off that night regardless and was adrift the next morning for PT.

The appropriate action was taken and my troop Sergeant, a beast of a bloke with no shame rang the lads house and had a chat with his Mum and Dad, turns out they were very much still in luuuuuurve and the real reason was that fucknuts had fallen out with his bird and was at hers squaring it away. That info was fed to the local plod and he was picked up that afternoon in a house in Rochdale, and for the second time that year I was leaving Scotlands chanking climate to go pick up a stray bootneck.

Long story short we picked him up, fed him at a service station and headed back up to Condor, I didn't push it but impressed upon him how much of a cunt he would look if he didn't square himself away and start performing and it seemed to sink in.

To no avail ! He quick fired more admin problems than anyone else I'd ever served with. Momentous occasions were him going sick with 'diahorrea' seconds after seeing his name on orders for waiting on and he was caught out ringing the guardroom pretending he was his own Dad asking if his 'son' could come home as his Mum was terminally ill. The cunt bucked the system for 6 months and has us hearted from pillar to post on a Brigade exercise before he was binned and fingered me and a serving local lad for giving him a face full of right handers when we got in off the piss one night which to be fair we did do. Waiting for the axe to fall for 3 months after was pretty chad but worth it for the burst mouth I landed on the Glenton.

Last I heard he knocked an old nan over in a stolen car in Newcastle.

No names but give us your Glentons.
 
#4
There's more than a couple of Glentons in the AT trade. They're willing to go on tour, provided it's nice and safe, yet twist and turn to avoid attending C-IED courses.

The worst thing about it is that these are SNCOs. Cowards.
 

jim24

LE
Book Reviewer
#6
One bloke in my squadron did a runner rather than a tour in Ulster, his first , up untill then he had been a bit of a bully to some of the other NIGs that had arrived with him from Catterick, on his return from Colly he walked into the Sqn club laughing about how he had had a great time with no cnut shooting at him,one of the Nigs beat him into intensive care
 
#7
Curtis lets call him Cunt
Fails theory test for cat b no second chance as gobs off to instructor. Muggins gets it in the neck from CSM for as on same course.
Gets hitched or whatever to local nedette, she brings family down to pads house, he gets ruffed up and chucked back into the lines. He wanders about looking like a emasculated puppy.
Coy gets to share a camp with 1LI for 3 months prior to Mahdi army kicking off on one.
Cunt goes on leave travels back to Brize books in then during the night hops off for return trip to Paisley.
Fast forward to btn returning from Stanta prior to Boz
Cunt goes up before the Adj and CO. so uniform deboxed washed and ironed muggins has to chaperon him so he looks tiptop. After a long morning of dressing him, he resembles a ACF cadet that has fucked his instructo.

Last seen washing cars outdoors near Paisley.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#8
Those who served on Type 42 destroyers between 2002 an 2007 will probably have heard the term 'Tanz.' Much in the way this Glenton bellend will be remembered in life for all the wrong reasons, so will the Tanz.

Tanzy was a particularly minging comms rating, he didn't really fit into any social category but if pushed I would describe him as sort of goth, sort of skater, crossed with scruffy environmental protester. He had zits the size of golf balls all over his body and his personal admin was gash of the lowest order and he was frequently the target for a hose and scrub down on the quarterdeck.

It turned out the minger was either narcoleptic or just really lazy, either way, he was always late and would often disappear into random compartments for a snooze. It got to the stage where he couldn't be trusted to do anything as he would invariably just ignore it and get his napper down. When questioned as to why he hadn't completed said task, he would simply purse his lips and blow through them, making a sort of Pffffffft sound while shrugging his shoulders.

When taking over from him on a duty watch, you could always be sure that he wouldn't have completed any of his jobs, for example:

''Tanzy why the fuck didn't you charge that empty Fire Extinguisher?''

''Pffffffft''

Eventually Tanzy became a bit of a legend in his own stand easy. As his list of escapades grew longer so did his reputation around the fleet, and the term 'Tanz' or 'to Tanz' became synonymous with not giving a fuck or just leaving it be because you couldn't be arsed.

For instance one would say; ''I can't be fucked to put undercoat on this bulkhead, I'm just gonna Tanz it and slap some topcoat on, no fucker will notice.'' or ''Did you watch the footy last night?''....''Nah, I decided to Tanz it and get my head down.''

Eventually the term 'Tanz' became standardised and could be heard on any 42 in the fleet, to this day it is still being passed on to the new lads on the 45s. I have no idea what happened to Tanzy himself, one assumes he was discharged shore for being a minger.
 
B

blindfire

Guest
#9
Curtis lets call him Cunt
Fails theory test for cat b no second chance as gobs off to instructor. Muggins gets it in the neck from CSM for as on same course.
Gets hitched or whatever to local nedette, she brings family down to pads house, he gets ruffed up and chucked back into the lines. He wanders about looking like a emasculated puppy.
Coy gets to share a camp with 1LI for 3 months prior to Mahdi army kicking off on one.
Cunt goes on leave travels back to Brize books in then during the night hops off for return trip to Paisley.
Fast forward to btn returning from Stanta prior to Boz
Cunt goes up before the Adj and CO. so uniform deboxed washed and ironed muggins has to chaperon him so he looks tiptop. After a long morning of dressing him, he resembles a ACF cadet that has fucked his instructo.

Last seen washing cars outdoors near Paisley.
have you been drinking......... heavily? wtf was all that about?
 

OldSnowy

LE
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#12
Apt that a short range desert warrior joins in a convo about cowardice.

Rockapes all suffer from glentonitis. The big airfield defending homos.
To be fair, we haven't had an airfield stolen since the RAFR were formed, so they've done that bit quite well.



And in case you're confused between RAFR meaning RAF Regt or RAF Reserve - you're quite right.
 
#13
Those who served on Type 42 destroyers between 2002 an 2007 will probably have heard the term 'Tanz.' Much in the way this Glenton bellend will be remembered in life for all the wrong reasons, so will the Tanz.

Tanzy was a particularly minging comms rating, he didn't really fit into any social category but if pushed I would describe him as sort of goth, sort of skater, crossed with scruffy environmental protester. He had zits the size of golf balls all over his body and his personal admin was gash of the lowest order and he was frequently the target for a hose and scrub down on the quarterdeck.

It turned out the minger was either narcoleptic or just really lazy, either way, he was always late and would often disappear into random compartments for a snooze. It got to the stage where he couldn't be trusted to do anything as he would invariably just ignore it and get his napper down. When questioned as to why he hadn't completed said task, he would simply purse his lips and blow through them, making a sort of Pffffffft sound while shrugging his shoulders.

When taking over from him on a duty watch, you could always be sure that he wouldn't have completed any of his jobs, for example:

''Tanzy why the fuck didn't you charge that empty Fire Extinguisher?''

''Pffffffft''

Eventually Tanzy became a bit of a legend in his own stand easy. As his list of escapades grew longer so did his reputation around the fleet, and the term 'Tanz' or 'to Tanz' became synonymous with not giving a fuck or just leaving it be because you couldn't be arsed.

For instance one would say; ''I can't be fucked to put undercoat on this bulkhead, I'm just gonna Tanz it and slap some topcoat on, no fucker will notice.'' or ''Did you watch the footy last night?''....''Nah, I decided to Tanz it and get my head down.''

Eventually the term 'Tanz' became standardised and could be heard on any 42 in the fleet, to this day it is still being passed on to the new lads on the 45s. I have no idea what happened to Tanzy himself, one assumes he was discharged shore for being a minger.
Christ It must have been a young "WHET" :)
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#14
Christ It must have been a young "WHET" :)
Honestly this cunt was permanently racked out. If he had to be somewhere at 0800, he'd stay in bed until 0759 and rush to get dressed. He was always under puns for not shaving and looking like a scran bag. We once had to initiate Op thimblehunt* to find the fucker because he had completely disappeared. Turned out he was kipping in the QD locker with all the paint and nasty chemicals. When asked why he hadn't been replying to any of the main broadcast pipes, he simply Tanzed us, shrugging his shoulders and going 'Pffffffft.'



*Op thimblehunt is when you have to search every inch of the ship because someone is missing and it is suspected they have fallen overboard.
 
#16
We had a Regimental Glenton at JLR back in the late eighties.

He was a 22 year served Lance jack from the 4/7 Dragoon Guards and he was the unit Armourer. He smelt like a mix of Gun oil, opal fruits and three day old plum sweat.

It didn't take long before 'You fcuking Gifford' was born and anything remotely crap, weak, bad smelling or feeble took on this wretches surname.
 
#17
We once had a fucking brilliant squadron Glenton, a 5 foot 2 geordie with a heart condition and a lisp. I still chuckle now when I think of some of his fuckwittery.

Stuck with him in the hangar one day, he once regaled a dozen or so of us with his stories of derring do. My favourite being how he'd been driving up the A1 in a brand new BMW Mini (which was odd as he didn't have a car on camp) when a car transporter lorry had dropped it's tail ramp right in front of him. Being the dashing adventurer he was, he drove straight up said ramp, jumping the cabin and landing perfectly in the road ahead of the lorry. Now noticing the looks of disbelief on some of our faces, he told us that he had been filmed by a speed camera, and had the tape at home. Two years later I was posted, which was a shame as he promised me, as he had for the last two years, that he would pick it up "next weekend."

He also once fell out of a CFT on the flattest route in NATO with a suspected heart attack. I believe it turned out to be LMF.
 
#18
One TA equivalent is this spineless little turd:

George Solomou: Why I'll refuse to fight in this immoral war - Commentators, Opinion - The Independent

This cunt used to be my mate. A month before he publicly came out as a conshie, he was on the phone to me blubbing about the fact that he was too scared to deploy. I'd just come back from TELIC4 and was less than impressed, but didn't say anything at the time. I suppose he was entitled to save his own miserable skin if he wanted to, but I had a serious sense-of-humour failure when he tried to claim he was backing out on principle.
 
#19
Fucking hell, he out Glentoned the Glenton !

I love it when members of the TA refer to jacking in their hobby as 'leaving the army', bet he has bagged some quality tail though on his stop the war campaign.
 

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