Red Wings

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by error_unknown, May 12, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. What's the consensus on shagging when the painters are in?

    I recall a massive second date shag-o-rama some time back which was fantastic fun, but the next morning resembled the scene in the Godfather with the horse's head in the bed: it looked like an explosion in an abbatoir and fair put me off. It also required me to make a beeline for the mess laundry room as I suspect the cleaners might have found it all a bit much. The plus side was the consolation BJ that evening.

    Thoughts anyone?
  2. Not a thing wrong with Bloodsports!
  3. i find when their on they seem hornier than normal thus improving the sex , but dad told me once do trust anything that bleeds every month and dont die
  4. Definitely the best time of the month. They all seem to turn into proper little nymphs and that is always a bonus. The real plus side is you can then blame them for the bloody aftermath and make them feel guilty enough to allow you to go out for a few pints with the lads.
  5. Nowt wrong with it, makes the axe wound look even more realistic. :twisted:
  6. Tastes feckin horrible though :lol:
  7. I hear gurkha's don't sheath their weapon until virgins blood is spilt... 8O

    Oh, ok, i made the virgin bit up. But hell, aslong as she wasn't a one night stand or a lady of the night, then why not :D
  8. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Nah, nowt wrong with the taste Fuchs.

    But there are a few squeamish souls who balk at some of the bigger lumps you get.
    Like I tell them, it's all part of the kebab so crack on.
  9. the injection contraceptive is the way forward my friends .... all the hormonal imbalances but none of the keema tumbling out of the naan.
  10. Cabbage tastes horrible....... but I still eat it :twisted:
  11. You are absolutley right about them being far hornier creatures when the tide is in....... Its just the week before when you want to hang them on the washing line and Kidney punch them.

    Plating is a big no no........ anyone that goes down on a trout thats guts are leaking needs slotting. Even when as drunk as a lord I wont chew on the badger with its throat cut.

    Being the eternal optimist I look on rag week as nosh week..... although venemous, snappy and gernerally obnoxious, the guilt shows through and to make up for being a cnut to live with your legs get blown up far more than usual.

    If I may offer advice:

    If ever you get knocked back because its time of the month, its wise not to retort with 'No matter you can suck us off before I drill your botty' it gets you nowhere :D
  12. RTFQ


    Why deny yourself a week of sex. There are many advantages to treating the tampon as a 155HE and your old chap as the charge bag:

    1. The dispersal of feel good chemicals during orgasm help a woman deal with period pains (or somesuch bollox)

    2. It trains the little guy not to be squeamish, it's like the Combat Medics in Vietnam video or doing bayonet practice with pigs carcasses

    3. They appreciate the effort and are more likely to open B and C ranges

    4. It's another way to keep your protein intake up and it's cheaper than steak tartare.
  13. I was always told you ain't a man till you fought a bl00dy war :D

    And bleeding minge is an aquired taste, may be why I like blut wurst know 8O
  14. I agree with Ctauch an increase in your iron ration and a clowns face (big red smile) is great Girls are definitely more Horny while on the blob. :roll:
  15. I definitely don't have a problem with bloodsports myself, especially if I am really gagging for it. But I did unwittingly initiate some bloodsports of my own, some years ago, before I got married.

    Was banging away with a bint, I took home, after I picked her up in one of Inverness' finer hostelries.

    Anyway, was giving it yeehah! - she was really rather nice and tight, you see, and I was having to put in some work, you know, really giving it some good hard pushing - when I noticed that the bed was getting wet - well, anyway, wetter than I expected. So I reached a hand down and noticed it felt pretty sticky.

    "Wait a minute!", I thought, "What's going on here?"

    Got me wondering as I hadn't shot me wad and she hadn't faked it yet. Then I realised that it was the same sort of consistency as normal................So I reached over to the bedside table and put the lamp on and there was blood all over the place!

    "Have you got the decorators in?" I asked the wee bint.

    "Nope" she said.

    "Where the fcuk is it coming from then?"

    I pulled Duck Minor out of the bint and saw blood pumping out of him at an alarming rate of knots. At which point I felt rather faint......

    Turned out I had pushed so hard, in my enthusiasm, I has ripped that bit of skin that connects the shaft to the head. Apparently, it's called the frenulum, according to the Doctor who put 2 stitches in it. Was off sports for weeks! :cry:

    To top it all said bint didn't want to know especially after I told her she'd need a blood test to make sure she hadn't caught anything............. 8)