Red skelton's recipe for a perfect marriage!!!

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by old chef, Jul 30, 2013.

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    For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humour was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A re-run of great 'one liner's' from the man who was known for his clean humour. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.

    1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
    little beverage, good food and companionship.
    She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

    2. We also sleep in separate beds.
    Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .

    3. I take my wife everywhere,
    but she keeps finding her way back.

    4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
    "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
    So I suggested the kitchen.

    5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

    6. She has an electric blender, electric
    toaster and electric bread maker.
    She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
    to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

    7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
    because there was water in the carburettor.
    I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

    8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
    Then the mud fell off.

    9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
    for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

    10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

    11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
    first name was 'Always'.

    12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
    I don't like to interrupt her.

    13. The last fight was my fault though.
    My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
    I said, "Dust!".
    • Like Like x 2
  2. The old ones are the best ones..

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