Dont start me on Red Nose Day, unless you want 500 words of near demented vitriol. Yeah yeah, its for a good cause. Many sub Saharan kids will be saved so they can be fried by global warming in 20 years time. But the idea of Desmond from accounts, who's wittiest remark to date was something about the 'Santa Clause' in a contract around Christmas, which left everybody with a puzzled frown, suddenly appearing dressed like Coco the Clown sends my normally sunny disposition right out the window. Red Nose Day should have been banned after David Brent put it all into cringing perspective in The Office. And can anybody please remind me when Lenny Henry was last funny? Anybody? At all? Normally I try to ignore it. But this year I have a plan. I intend to spend the entire day with a psychotic frown, a downturned mouth and my fists clenched. If anybody or anything makes me smile I shall donate Â£10 to the RBL and Â£10 to Amnesty International, in the interests of balance. So yeah, if the fat lass in the offy who dresses up like some character from a Middle Earth nightmare every year can really make me crack a smile, good causes are quids in. What you doing for this... er... good cause? And if its a bath in baked beans, how will you keep them warm?