Really bone questions......

#1
we might have had this one already...but i always makes me giggle like a bitch...

was told once "cpl mincin, there is no such thing as a bone question"..

Oh really ! how about the old classics like

After giving a set of Ptl orders crow No 1 pipes up..."you said we are going with light order inc Day sac's...but it's a night Ptl, can you still use Day sacs at night" :x

there must be some real corkers out there heard after giving lesson or two ??
 
#2
In a different scenario...

Whilst walking by a river one spring (courting the love of my life) I spotted some ducklings following their mummy duck in the water, aah. I pointed this out in the hope of gaining some brownie points for my display of sensitivity and all round nice guy image. Her reply astounded me and continues to do so to this day.

"Do they really come from eggs?"

Thinking it was a 'Whah', I started to laugh. However, she was very serious.

Obviously I stifled the laugh and took her home to show her where babies come from.
 
#3
I recieved a call yesterday from our very own Cait

Cait: 'Is that bear on its way to Australia yet you penis'
MDN: 'Errr it will be in the morning......... forgot'
Cait: 'Penis!'

Small talk small talk small talk giggle giggle etc

I was approaching the town centre and there was a massive piece of plant blocking the way

MDN: Bloody hell, thats a massive crane......
Cait: Waht? a crane? In Blackpool....... I thought they lived in the Arctic with Flamingoes
MDN: 8O 8O
Cait: You're going to post that aren't you
MDN: No....... promise
 
#4
soldier-w said:
Obviously I stifled the laugh and took her home to show her where babies come from.
Quality.

Got loads in the memory banks, will try to find them out and blow the dusty off, remember i teach 11-18 year olds, heard a few in my time.

Rincewind
 

Captain_Crusty

War Hero
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#5
On looking out of an aeroplane window:

Wife - "Is it always sunny above the clouds?"

Again, on looking out of an aeroplane window:

Wife - "That plane has been following us very closely for a long time."
Me - "That's the light on the end of our wing..."
 
#6
before we departed for iron anvil in 2001, a young sig asked me "so why don't they use euros in canada?" the army have chosen to promote this guy!
 
#7
grab_a_spoon! said:
before we departed for iron anvil in 2001, a young sig asked me "so why don't they use euros in canada?" the army have chosen to promote this guy!
I think he's on the Cpl course training team now !!! ...grnaff grnaff
 
#8
One for DS/Instructors everywhere. Posters and small plaques available from www.despair.com:
 

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#9
Once heard a girl, very loudly and excitedly, say on seeing a 110 with a trailer.....'OOOH LOOK! IT'S EVEN GOT A COLOUR CO-ORDINATED TRAILER!!!' and just to round it off, 'MUST HAVE TAKEN AGES TO FIND A MATCHING SET!!!!'
 
#10
Not quite in the spirit of the topic but fairly close, so here goes;

Colleague and I patrolling in our high powered police motorcar, hoping to find villainy in progress in the cod scented streets of Hull.

We turn a corner and observe two of our local lackwits loitering on the corner dressed in their usual combination of burberry and verious brand name sporting clothing.

Speedkuff rolls down the window and wishes them good morrow and at this they begin to make gestures with their hands that are remiscent of the mean streets of South Central L.A.

I note their total lack of afro-anything ancestry and ask them why the tribute to the popular Blood and Crip youth movement is taking place in East Yorkshire.

The spottier of these two oiks then says, "Yeah well, we throwing sets at 5-0" The other pipes up with, "Yeah, that's right, yeah, just like me main man Tupac"

I search my memory and the lightbulb goes on, "Tupac Shaker" I ask, "Why?" "Cause we is going to follow his path and be like the man"

Speedkuff searches his memory further, "Shot dead you mean?" Rapid departure of pale spotty oiks...
 
#13
A lad called Biff asked my mate, whilst said mate was driving his jap jeep in Cyprus 'What's this 4 wheel drive thing mean then mate?'

Suspecting a wind - up (there was a fad of asking a dumb question, then saying 'good lad' in a mocking tone), my mate said, suspiciously, 'well, it means all 4 wheels are driven by the engine'

Biff: but all the wheels go round on normal cars too.

Mate:but only one pair is driven

Biff: that's bollox mate, 'cos the car would go round in circles. Someone's been winding you up.

He wasn't joking. He is now a sergeant.
 
#14
I and many others were stood patiently one warm summer evening after going through the mundane task of shooting our APWT, when Radar(you now who you are) our CSM was walking down the line and the toms were giving their declarations,every now and then Radar would shout "Colour",I turned briefly to see Smudge our CQMS standing to our rear! Now the guys thought (crows) that Radar was getting a tad irrate becuse they thought he was reminding them that he was a colour Sgt,as there was no officer present, and were getting slightly confused as to the correct goings on,so instead of the "I have no live rounds..........etc,sir! they said "colour" much to the annoyance of Radar! Who by the way carried on shouting colour until Smudge acknowldged him,much chuckling in the ranks!,The smile on Smudges face said it all!
 
#15
I will come clean about possible the bonest question I ever asked....

Ranges at Strensall. The Cadets were shooting in some competition. I had a brother shooting and rocked up from Catterick to see how he was and justify my presence in York and therefore the vague vicinity of some bird I wanted to shag. Anyway, I digress....

Shooting had got behind schedule. I was chatting with a couple of officers I knew and there was a Full Colonel in our midst. The Colonel said:

"If they take much longer the ranges will shut unless the Commandant gives permission for an extension to range hours."

I, Lt Numbnuts piped up:

"Fat chance. Unlikely the Commandant is going to be at work on a Sunday. Who is the Commandant?"

To which the Colonel replied:

"I am."

I made my excuses and left.
 
#16
Thanks Danny,

I like to share heartwarming stories when I can.

This reminds me of a bone question that I asked once and the memory still brings a blush to my cheeks.

In early '95 about 2 years into my service as a rozzer, I was asked if I wanted to sit in on an "Interesting" interview and one of the old sweat detectives said it would be a "professionally broadening" experience.

Like a dick, I said "OK".

This gypsy had been brought in to be interviewed and dealt with for shagging a sheep. No, really!

So, I sit in the interview, desparately trying to remember the law as it applied to interfering with our fluffy friends. Anyhow, the interview ends and having admitted boning the sheep, it's decided to charge the bloke.

This pog was about 7' tall and built like Arnie and after the charging procedure, the "Tec" pisses off and leaves me with the job of photographing and fingerprinting the bestial behometh.

Remembering that it's good to talk, I'm rolling his fingers in the ink and the bone question (No pun intended) popped into my mind...

"Given that sheep are a bit frisky at the best of times" I asked, "How the fcuk did you keep it still long enough to shag it then?"

The giant then grabbed me round the neck and held me in a paralysing grip and whispered in a deep bass growl, "I could shag you if I wanted to"...

Immediate screams for help from PC Speedkuff and a mental note to be more careful about casual questions in future...
 
#17
DRAC talking to one of the Trials Team for Challenger 2

DRAC - so how are things going with the new tank?
Tpr - Excellent Sir!
DRAC - Any problems?
Tpr - Weeeell Sir, don't want to get anyone into trouble....
DRAC - Come on now out with it, you know this is an 'informal' visit...
Tpr - Well Sir....the Matter Yogies fucked Sir
DRAC - What's a Matter Yogie?
Tpr - (giggles like a little girl) Nothing BooBoo
whole turret erupts with giggles!!
 
#18
On guard for the Polo Tournament at Tidworth when up comes Prince Charles
Charlie - Ah this would be two of your fine men then Colonel
Col - Yes Tpr's 'Spud' and 'Engee'
Charlie - So how are you enjoying Tidworth?
Spud - Wouldn't really like to say Sir
Col - Come on now Tpr 'Spud' don't be shy, HRH asked you a question
Spud - F-ucking W-ank Sir!
Huge smile from Charlie, CP guys go red, Col goes white and the RSM's hand comes in from the next county to pick up Spud!
Colonel later got a message from Charlie thanking him for his suport and in particular, Tpr 'Spuds' colourful comments on Tidworth 'with which I heartily agree'
 
#19
Do you think they swap these stories and KNOW when they're being reeled in?
 

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