Real ARMY adverts

Following on from the 'calling all walts' thread. What would you have in an army advert?
Bearing in mind this is for the real army, not the one that the MOD like to portray, so no suggestions of bumming close ups and phots from Elton and David's wedding.
To start it off, I suggest MDN could be the poster boy, dressed in combats to show the soldiering site of army life, then to show that soldiers are also highly intelligent he could demonstrate his theory of perpetual motion by swamping in to a bucket whilst drinking from the afore mentioned bucket with a straw. Obviously his old chap would be sporting a fresh coat of varnish after just mick jagging fat shaz the local squaddie bike.
I think a tight close up of a face having cam cream applied... With the deep gruff voice saying

"Army... get up close and personal"...

and then pan back slightly to reveal a bar full of naked squaddies lagging up each others legs and revealing that the "cam cream" is a digit full of poo being lovingly drawn across a top lip. :D
I like your line of thinking there SF, starting with a close up would set the scene quite well. The only thing I would possible add would be at the end the you would hear the boots coming in and it would say "Army, skiff with the best"
I think that the advert should be a monster 6 hours long following the highs and lows of stagging on in a Sanger for the death stag. Depending on the theatre the central heating should either be cracked up to full or turned off across the nation. Then through a series of first person and wide angle shots you can watch bill oddie wa.nk himself blind for 6 hours while staring at the same black void. At the end of the ad the viewing public will be informed that for the same pay as ASDA shelf stacker you to could do this for up to 6 months at a time. The officer’s ad should merely stress that they don’t have to do anything difficult like stag on.
Scene - two bouncers outside a club, dealing with a group of loud, gesticulating p1ss artists. A self-contained messianic figure waits in the background wearing a sharp suit (because officers are inspirational, solve all problems and are very well dressed).


Scene - close up of a squaddie's face: he is sweating profusely and looks nervous.


The crowd are getting rowdier back at the club, the bouncers look at each other nervously - who will save them if it all kicks off? The messiah leans against the wall and smiles nonchalantly: he'll look after his boys.


Rivulets of sweat are visible running down his face. Shouts of 'meester, meester' can be heard. He appears to be trembling slightly.


Close up captures the bouncers' faces - they are scared now (because bouncers are generally weak in the face of hostile crowds). The messiah walks over to them, lays calming hands on their shoulders and disperses the crowd with a knowing smile and a waft of expensive aftershave.


His breathing is now heavier and he is shaking. Camera pans back to reveal he is in a sangar and knocking one out - he reaches his vinegar stroke with a grunt. The aforementioned messianic figure comes into the sangar unannounced - he is the troop commander - "what the fcuk, Jones? Standby you cnut!"

Banging in of tabs - "Army Officer; catch soldiers wnaking"
Handbags_at_dawn said:
Banging in of tabs - "Army Officer; catch soldiers wnaking"

As the young hero spring smartly to attention his little warrior now at the stand easy postion should spray the rupert with love wee. Que our paderwan seen running up and down sand dunes with a 155 shell on his back while the officer talk to the press about how bullying has been stamped out in the army.

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