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Re-making Zulu for the 21st Century

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by angular, Feb 4, 2008.

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  1. Just put Zulu on the video player (yes, it's an old tape). It got me thinking. Given that the historical inaccuracies are pretty minor, there is sooo much in that film to offend 21st century 'moralities'.

    So, any suggestions of how the film could be improved to reflect our 2008 view of life? And what would the script look like if Ken Livingstone was funding the re-make?
  2. First of all there would be a 'black powder' emissions exclusion zone.

    No Martini Henry Mark I or II allowed within 500 miles.

  3. Black? Did you say black? That's rascist, that is!!!
  4. the welsh fusiliers would be replaced by a crack team of ethnic minority out reach worker mostly gay and lesbian and or disabled who were there to apologize for the beastly British empire and offer counseling armotheraphy sessions and compensation.
    does'nt stop the zulu impi slaughtering the lot of useless tossers prefably shot in tarantino slo mo so we can saviour there well deserved deaths :D

    then flash can turn up in an ah and blow the zulus away

    all in all a happy ending
  5. You could just change the location for Dover harbour wall same problem lots of fuzzy wuzzies trying to get in
  6. And Gene Hunt, or at least the actor who plays Hunt, as the Officer I/C

    While singing the Rolling Stones hit "Paint it black"!
  7. You would need white zulu's and black welshmen or it would be seen as racist!

    As for having the Rev. Otto Witt quote the bible and such like, thats a big no go! What would our muslim friends think?
  8. It would require a constantly scrolling banner message over the middle of the screen displaying 'We apologise for' and then a massive list of everything that has ever gone wrong in the world (real or imagined)
  9. The Zulus would be knocking about in the back of old Toyota pick-ups. About 30 of 'em all crammed in the back, drugged up to the eyeballs.

    Instead of a rousing version of 'Men of Harlech' being sung, the lads could be all miming away to the National anthem.

    Course if Hollywood had anything to do with it, they'd have a 8 man Navy SEAL team winning the day.
  11. You could just change the location for Dover harbour wall same problem lots of fuzzy wuzzies trying to get in
  12. How very dare you, you racist thug!

    What about Asian, Chinese, Aborigine and other people of colour representing the Zulus and the South Welsh Borderers?

    Furthermore it is shocking that the original film did not feature differently abled people of all races, genders, sexual orientations, and religious beliefs. I cannot believe that the film makers could portray such a homogenous picture of "Welsh" soldiers, when clearly there are so many different groups to be represented.

    Anyway, I find the militaristic nature of the film to be offensive. Where were the outreach workers reaching out to the community members of all sides, no matter what their age, ability, sex, sexual orientation, race religion etc etc.
  13. The main difference is that in 2008, we let the blacks slaughter each other instead of doing it for them. Putting down the White Man's burden, d'you see?
  14. Already been done...its called Black Hawk Down.
  15. What about introducing one of those big feck off American gatling guns? that would've sorted out the hoarde's of swarthy chaps.It would have been over by tea-time.