RCB - yet again!

Discussion in 'Officers' started by vic79, Feb 15, 2005.

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  1. Hi,

    Can anyone tell me what the opening and closing race entails?

  2. Hey Vic79,

    The closing race, as far as I am aware, is a team effort to get an inanimate object over an obstacle course as fast as possible. But, that is just what the brochure told me, then again you probably know that already.

  3. Listen in, Vic, here's the gen.

    You begin at the starting line, with all your syndicate face down in drip trays full of sheeps guts. Even before the whistle goes, the Board President will randomly select three canditates and head job them with a 9 milly. This is to assert his dominance over the other DS and helps keep gobby Majors in line.

    The race begins with three blasts of a whistle. Rather like on erstwhile popular TV show, 'Gladiators', on the first whistle the syndicate with the most fit females goes, on the second the majority of the rest go, and on the third whistle the syndicate with the highest proportion on RLC sponsored applicants is allowed to go - this is based on the logic that fate has clearly handed them all the sh*tty sticks so far in life, so why should RCB be any different.

    The first obstacle is a ten metre deep trench. You are not allowed to jump this - the most corpulent member of your team must wedge him or herself in the gap in order to allow everyone else to cross. Watch out for the DS firing random bursts into the crowd - this is an ignominious and painful way to fail RCB.

    The next obstactle is a wall, 'bout 12ft high. In the middle is a small gap - no matter how much it hurts, you must push your entire body through this gap in order to move on. Feel free to drop one of the less popular members of your syndicate and use his inert form as a primitive battering ram.

    Next come the 'representative tasks' obstacles. All very well being able to climb walls and assault the enemy, but you need to prove to the DS that you can carry out the duties of an Officer. First up is 'Naafi Bar', where your team is confronted with a sheeps pen containing 10 pissed up squaddies in possession of a couple of slabs of Tennents. In the quickest time possible, and a bit like 'one man and his dog', you must separate the lads from their beer and get them out of the pen/bar. Don't be put off by the 'Wi' all due rersperct, shuur, why doan YOU drink up an' leave, uh?' Time is of the essence here, and you don't have any senior back up, so think fast.

    Next is 'Adjt's Office'. Your syndicate will be confronted by a member of the DS sitting behind a desk, his finger hovering over a trap door beneath which is a pool filled with sharks with 'frikkin laser beams on their heads.' You must get past this obstacle with whatever means possible - you can talk him down, or, preferably, simply deck him with his own name plate and administer the coup de grace by sticking two red pens up his nostrils and into his brain.

    Last representative task is the trickiest one. Called simply 'Mate, maaate', your syndicate will be greeted with a member of the DS dressed as a lagered up subby on the prowl, with a map of Africa in his chinos and sick all down his front. You task is to manouvere said figure over a chain link fence and into a bed on the other side without waking up the 107 yr old LE which the DS will have sedated and placed next to the bed. Fail this one and you're as good as gone.

    Lastly, you have to climb some netting and swing across a tunnel or something, before reaching the final task. You will be confronted with a working model of an olde worlde 18 pounder gun, with powder and ammunition. Quite simply, you must assemble the gun as quickly as possible before turning it on one of the other teams and blowing them all to pieces.

    After you've done that, congratulations, it's all over. Welcome to the Army.

    Some parts of the above may not be entirely true, but then ask a goddamn stupid and bone question...you know the rest.
  4. Thanks for that, sounds quite similar to my selection weekend for the RMP TA.
  5. LMAO :lol:
  6. "Some parts of the above may not be entirely true, but then ask a goddamn stupid and bone question...you know the rest"

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  7. LMAO :lol:
  8. RMP? TA? Are you deliberately trying to wind me up, STAB Monkey?
  9. Gizzit you have just made my day :d
  10. lol, i'm just a glutton for punishment Gizzit! If I can handle being what is classed the lowest dreg of society i'm sure I will be able to survive anything :D Plus I enjoy it!
  11. But fabulously entertaining. Brilliant job Gizzit, you've brightened up everyone's day. Except perhaps those who still think this Officer selection test should have remained a closely guarded secret.

    Part of that may not be true either :wink:
  12. Either way, for my final race, the not-too-subtle help given to all teams by their respective DS lead me to suspect that they may have had some money riding on it...

    E.g. *cough*CANTIVELER ROPE SWING*cough*
  13. Are heaves still included?
  14. HEAVES? I expect some people will be heaving if they over did it at the Mess Dinner the night before ;)
  15. I'll be fine on that point, I take my trusty alka-seltzer everywhere!