Range Tea

Discussion in 'Weapons, Equipment & Rations' started by stodge, Apr 12, 2006.

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  1. I've just acquired a Norwegian flask and wanted to introduce my cadets to the wonders of mass poisoning courtesy of range tea. Now, I have experienced the delights myself many times and nearly fell for the old 'with or without sugar taps' line as well, however, i've never actually made it myself. I assure you this isn't a Wah but how do you make the tea? do you just lob a handful of teabags in and half a bag of sugar and leave them in to stew for the day or is it a much more refined process which would be the envy of many a geisha? I can see me being the only one that uses it in fairness but it would be a shame not to use the norgee since it was free (i'll do a sniff test to ensure the previous contents were mildly edible first). i was going to try range stew but frankly it's too much effort and the ungrateful little sods are'nt worth it.

    cheers in advance in the vain hope of a useful reply.
  2. Never made it myself, but I have watched it prepared in the kitchens at SMP for me. The technique seems to be to put a quarter pound packet of tea into a device like a large metal tea strainer that sits on top of the Nowegian. Boiling water/steam is then run into the thing till the container is nearly full. By then the tea leaves are sitting in the boiling water. The filling takes about a minute. The strainer is then left for a couple of minutes before removing it. Add about two pints of milk and put the lid on. They usually give us a paper bag with sugar, enough to sweeten a vat of tea let alone a Norwegian container of the stuff. Anyway, place container in vehicle and drive to range/training area - that provides the necessary stirring. If the sugar is put into the Norwegian then 15 miles of driving on ordinary roads or 1.5 miles cross country in a Landy should suffice.

    The Wise Ones on here will have other recipes no doubt, and probably better, but thats the SMP recipe for you. Enjoy!
  3. You'll need a decent sive/giant tea strainer thing for starters. We used to use the stainer from the cookhouse tea urns, so if you can liberate one of those jobbies you're off the blocks flying. If I can remember rightly it was 2 packets of leaf tea, and 3 tins of carnation milk. Pass the water through the strainer thingy, add milk till tea turns orange. As for range stew a decent sub Is the ASDA smartprice Irish Stew, I think its about 20p a tin, tastes the same, shite!
  4. wack the whole brown paper bag of sugar from the cookhouse in there to have a syrup like effect nothing better on a cold and windy day!
  5. NAAFI tea bags
    Not quite boiling water
    Don't warm the Norgie!
    Condensed milk

    Throw together in the cookhouse at 0500hrs. Leave the tea bags in the container. Load onto the back of the Bedford at 0600hrs. Take 2 hrs to drive to the ranges. Make certain you find somewhere damp to dump the Norgie and the brown bag of sugar, and don't provide spoons for the sugar! The Norgie should leak; if it doesn't, complain to the QM! :lol:

    Seriously, I don't think that you can make Range Tea in a Norwegian. I think the best Range Tea is made in the stainless steel containers (what on earth are they called?) where you fill the centre container with loose tea, mash it until the liquid is the right colour and then add two cans of Carnation condensed milk.

    Draw your plastic cup from your webbing, add two large spoons of sugar and enjoy... lovely.

    And, of course, there is the bromide! See the SQMS for that.

  6. 1 or 2 10 man tea bags
    2 cans condensed milk
    1 bag sugar
    dilute to taste :twisted:
  7. Don't forget that on arrival on the range the norgie should be put in the coldest position. Someone totally unconnected with the catering process should then remove the lid of the norgie and allow the tea to cool to "lukewarm" temperature. The lid should then be replaced and the tea served long after people have lost interest in it. A box of time-expired "Tiffin" bars should be placed near the bottle along with random coloured boiled sweets... 8)

    Oh an PS - they are called tea urns those urn-like things for making tea...
  8. You've all forgotten the most important ingredient to any decent norgie of range tea...

    It must of been used last for "uber screech" and left unwashed for a week, until the illuminous properties of this radioactive substance have eaten into the very core of the lining,

    this will then ensure that your tea also has that after kick of lime/orange mixed with the bleach and scouring powder that the sprogs jiffed to clean it have been chucking in like it is mission impossible (which it is)

    the only thing that can remove a screech stain from a norgie container, is to leave it full of range stew for a week, this wont always remove the stain but it will ensure the norwegian needs sea dumping to prevent loss of life, and so negates the need for cleaning.

    you must also ensure that only one spoon is brought, so by the second cup of tea the sugar in the (now soggy and ripped) bag is congealed into one massive lump of brown glistening nasty, like a particularly heavy lump of lung butter from a 40 a day Rothos smoker

    This will also ensure on hot range days you will be plagued by every wasp within 40K.

    Hope this info is helpful.
  9. For added bite, dont forget to use a norgie with a split inner lining so that the rancid contents of range stew and screech from previous fillings can mix with your tea.
    Anyway, I thought you soldiers of today enjoy 'Range Latte' and 'Butts Expresso'.
  10. for 'metal strainer' read 'CQMS's sock (minimum 5 days continuous use)'.
    This will give you the authentic yet elusive sweaty ambience.
  11. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    Ensure the tea is bright orange and thick enough to clean a fouled cannon barrel.
  12. I didn't realise there were separate ways of making range tea and coffee?! I thought it was all the same and whatever the 'maker' in the cookhouse felt like calling it and, consequently, was generically known by the bloes as coftea.
  13. Range tea must be indistiguishable from soup, and the only difference between range tea and stew should be potatoes.
  14. Funniest thread in a long time.

    Oh the joys of Range Tea. Surely the elixier of life.

    One point to remember, before serving the tea your intended victims (I mean customers) must be brought to the peak point of physical and mental preparation in order for them to be ready to receive this potent brew. This is best achieved by ensuring that they are totally knackered, very cold and soaking wet. Without this preparation they will never begin to feel the full benefit of its restorative effects.
  15. No carrots then?