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Random cruelty to animals...............we've all done it

#1
tying a captured gopher to a discarded 155mm illume parachute and taking him parascending across the prairie in batus.............. :D

feeding the dcos's greedy labrador shedloads of exlax chocolate coz youre fed up with greedy fcuker eating the sandwiches out of your horror box and watching him cack uncontrollably all over the model during the study day............. :twisted:

spraypainting the balls of the guardroom adopted mutt bright yellow and blacknastying him to the back of the guardoom door before handing over barracks............ :?

We have all carried out such acts for our own childish amusements ............lets have the details. make sure nobody bubbles us to the RSPCA! 8O
 
#3
ask the boys in the EOD det in the falklands about burning penguins with their wheelbarrow with a flamey thing for burning placcy mines , you get it all on camera aswell

the (now proven) theory that seagulls do not like alka seltzer in bread (they explode) much to the horror of my brothers 2 year old at the seaside last week.

2 lads from 9 para sqn RE who had a tug of war with "fluff" the bar boa constrictor at rideau and pulled it's f**kng head off.

the mixture of pepper with shake and vac to fool the monkeys search dogs looking for me stash ...... the f**kers did nothing but sneeze fart and p*ss all over our lines.

ooooooooh the list is endless. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
 
#4
Ozgerbobble said:
feeding the dcos's greedy labrador shedloads of exlax chocolate coz youre fed up with greedy fcuker eating the sandwiches out of your horror box and watching him cack uncontrollably all over the model during the study day............. :twisted:
Please tell me you weren't 12 Mech Bde a few years ago!!!!
 
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#5
Dale the snail said:
Ozgerbobble said:
feeding the dcos's greedy labrador shedloads of exlax chocolate coz youre fed up with greedy fcuker eating the sandwiches out of your horror box and watching him cack uncontrollably all over the model during the study day............. :twisted:
Please tell me you weren't 12 Mech Bde a few years ago!!!!
Some years back the bootie captain I shared an office with gave my dog a whole compo Mars bar. About ten minutes later, the dog was farting so badly we had to evacuate the office... but probably crueller on the humans than on the dog.
 
#6
I remember hearing of kitten roulette in the old screws mess at Soest.

Sellotape the cats two back legs together and stand a boxhead kitten on the blade of a ceiling fan (the one over the dance floor apparently), front paws gripping the inner edge of one of the blades.

Segregate the surrounding area off with mine tape and number accordingly. Each contestant places a drink in their respective area.

Switch the fan on and whoever has guessed the correct number at which kitty will splash down wins the contents of the table. The sellotape around the rear legs prevents the escape of kitty and therefore allows for more rounds to be played. New kitty's are required after about half a dozen spins.

Not that I ever saw this happen of course.
 
#8
in my old TA unit the PSAO had two labradors - twins if i remember rightly. He used to let them roam the TA centre freely leaving many a 'present' around the Drill hall.

One weekend one of the dogs wandered into the troop stores and was offered a Mars bar which, it been a greedy bastard wolfed down with great gusto, another mars bar was offered which was duly chomped. that dog was fed over fifteen mars bars from the troop battle box till it could take no more......it was found later that day out of breath, lying in its own mars bar vomit by the PSAO

It died the next day.
 
#12
In my previous incarnation as a yachty, I used to work for an American gentleman who's party trick was sucking on a spliff and giving his pet parrot "blow-back". :roll:


Needless to say, I am much happier serving the Queen.
 
#13
I find that if you grip the squirrel behind the head with your right hand and lift its tail with your left, you can slam it onto your woody in one move..holding the back of its head stops it from bending to rip at your nuts and keeping the tail out of the way stops it from getting stuck in and causing you to rake the shaft on the backbone [ not recommended ] .. don't try this with a chipmunk.. too small and they tend to explode...

rabbits work well, too, though be careful of the hind legs.. they can whap your scrotum really bad when jerking...

stay clear of porcupines, hedgehogs and skunks for obvious reasons and I find that most low to the ground animals - mink, stoat, weasel and ferrets are useless..too hard to maintain in the appropriate configuration..

contrary to their name, beavers are no good.. their tails can give you a bad burn/rash on your belly in the 'throes', so to speak...

I tend to stay away from household pets.. kids get upset over fluffy and dogs are man's best friend, afterall..

the usual goats, sheep, cows thing is so obvious and passe, too...

muskrat and otter might do in a pinch..and as for badgers...

well, we don't need no stinkin' badgers...

ah!.. the thrill of the hunt...
 
#14
Falklands 84 . The Inf used to "help" the bennies but taking a shotgun on patrol to "control" the goose problem.

What they actually did was run a book.

1. Stand 10 feet away from a penguin colony and fire both barrels.

Count number of deceased penguins. Winner was the one with the most most killed and took the cash.

2. Fishing with any old handgrenades found in the Argie trenches.

3. Even the mighty Elephant seal all 3 tonnes of blubber and flesh cannot withstand a 66 LAW to the noggin.
 
#16
Sqaddies, boredom, small furry animals: they just don’t mix.

Walked into the NAAFI bar one very quite night near to the end of the month. The half a dozen blokes in there were sitting in a line facing the wall each holding a dart ‘at the ready’. I was shhhhed into silence as they scanned the false wall over the heaters – after about a minute a mouse ran out to be met by a volley of not so well aimed darts (well, it was an Artillery unit :D ). One did wing the little bugger though, who was duly dispatched into the microwave. Judging by the whoops of delight you would have thought the beady-eyed warriors had just bagged a Bengal Tiger in the days of the Raj.

Same unit on the ranges in Denmark. In the butts were loads of frogs/toads: big fat fcukers – several of which got taped to the figure 11s. TARGETS UP – splattered amphibian and much mirth amongst the lads everywhere.

I did hear a story that a mouse was put in the nose cone of a Midge Drone: Zero to 400 mph in 2 seconds – eat ya f*cking heart out Speedy Gonzales
_________________
 
#17
Post GW1, found myself in Ali-Al-Salamh Airbase sitting around doing nothing for weeks on end. The unit I was with (Mobile BW detection) were the only ones there and boy, were we bored.

At that time there was packs of mangy, rabid looking mutts who would attack you if they had the chance. So we had to carry weapons all the time.

Now in the airfield were lots of boxs of grenades and we had spare compo. So we hatch a plan to rid us of said mutts. We start feeding the buggers over by one of the hangers with compo sausages mashed into a ball. After a few feeds the buggers see us and think here comes compo sausages. This time we tie a few grenades together, all primed and mash compo around it. We pull the pin throw it around the side of a aircraft shelter where they are and run like fick. Any way big bang occurs and much howling ensues followed by our gunshots dispatching any injured mutts.

However being Medics we were interested in the injuries caused, much to the horror of the Rock Apes attached with us.

Just goes to show that boredom and squaddies will result in something dodgy.
 
#18
Aaaaaaah, the mouse story. I shared a house on Palace barracks with one lad, 100s of mice and a cat. I even have photo's to prove it, which I will post this weekend if I can find them, but the usual entertainment on a wet and dreary Belfast night was to hold the cat on the bed and just wait a few minutes in the quiet. One of the little barstools would eventually pop out of the skirting board, and as soon as the pussy spotted it, the moogie would tense up and I'd let it go. Then I would enjoy a few minutes of this cat going berserk chasing a fat mouse around the upstairs!

Then there's the mouse glue. Yes, mouse glue!! You put it down around the holes and hey presto! A mouse pops up, walks through it and is trapped in the sticky mess. Again, fun factor lasts a few minutes/hours and even days watching a hairy rodent fighting for it's life. Bit of a mess prizing it from the glue, but you get the picture.
 
#20
Dale the snail said:
Ozgerbobble said:
feeding the dcos's greedy labrador shedloads of exlax chocolate coz youre fed up with greedy fcuker eating the sandwiches out of your horror box and watching him cack uncontrollably all over the model during the study day............. :twisted:
Please tell me you weren't 12 Mech Bde a few years ago!!!!
I thought i'd dealt with all the witnesses........bugger :oops:

Whats your address? :twisted:
 

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