Random cruelty to animals...............we've all done it

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ozgerbobble, Jul 6, 2004.

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  1. tying a captured gopher to a discarded 155mm illume parachute and taking him parascending across the prairie in batus.............. :D

    feeding the dcos's greedy labrador shedloads of exlax chocolate coz youre fed up with greedy fcuker eating the sandwiches out of your horror box and watching him cack uncontrollably all over the model during the study day............. :twisted:

    spraypainting the balls of the guardroom adopted mutt bright yellow and blacknastying him to the back of the guardoom door before handing over barracks............ :?

    We have all carried out such acts for our own childish amusements ............lets have the details. make sure nobody bubbles us to the RSPCA! 8O
  2. Killing the ex wifes cat(s).
  3. ask the boys in the EOD det in the falklands about burning penguins with their wheelbarrow with a flamey thing for burning placcy mines , you get it all on camera aswell

    the (now proven) theory that seagulls do not like alka seltzer in bread (they explode) much to the horror of my brothers 2 year old at the seaside last week.

    2 lads from 9 para sqn RE who had a tug of war with "fluff" the bar boa constrictor at rideau and pulled it's f**kng head off.

    the mixture of pepper with shake and vac to fool the monkeys search dogs looking for me stash ...... the f**kers did nothing but sneeze fart and p*ss all over our lines.

    ooooooooh the list is endless. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
  4. Please tell me you weren't 12 Mech Bde a few years ago!!!!
  5. Some years back the bootie captain I shared an office with gave my dog a whole compo Mars bar. About ten minutes later, the dog was farting so badly we had to evacuate the office... but probably crueller on the humans than on the dog.
  6. I remember hearing of kitten roulette in the old screws mess at Soest.

    Sellotape the cats two back legs together and stand a boxhead kitten on the blade of a ceiling fan (the one over the dance floor apparently), front paws gripping the inner edge of one of the blades.

    Segregate the surrounding area off with mine tape and number accordingly. Each contestant places a drink in their respective area.

    Switch the fan on and whoever has guessed the correct number at which kitty will splash down wins the contents of the table. The sellotape around the rear legs prevents the escape of kitty and therefore allows for more rounds to be played. New kitty's are required after about half a dozen spins.

    Not that I ever saw this happen of course.
  7. assualt pioneer course homemade claymore putting out bait in front of said IEd and running like fuck for the detonator as birds came down to feed :lol: :lol:
  8. in my old TA unit the PSAO had two labradors - twins if i remember rightly. He used to let them roam the TA centre freely leaving many a 'present' around the Drill hall.

    One weekend one of the dogs wandered into the troop stores and was offered a Mars bar which, it been a greedy bastard wolfed down with great gusto, another mars bar was offered which was duly chomped. that dog was fed over fifteen mars bars from the troop battle box till it could take no more......it was found later that day out of breath, lying in its own mars bar vomit by the PSAO

    It died the next day.
  9. Apparently, dogs don't have the brain power to say "no more food", and they are scavangers, hence eat anything they find.
  10. Stoned Labradors will run into patio doors again, again and again........

    So I hear....... :roll:
  11. In my previous incarnation as a yachty, I used to work for an American gentleman who's party trick was sucking on a spliff and giving his pet parrot "blow-back". :roll:

    Needless to say, I am much happier serving the Queen.
  12. I find that if you grip the squirrel behind the head with your right hand and lift its tail with your left, you can slam it onto your woody in one move..holding the back of its head stops it from bending to rip at your nuts and keeping the tail out of the way stops it from getting stuck in and causing you to rake the shaft on the backbone [ not recommended ] .. don't try this with a chipmunk.. too small and they tend to explode...

    rabbits work well, too, though be careful of the hind legs.. they can whap your scrotum really bad when jerking...

    stay clear of porcupines, hedgehogs and skunks for obvious reasons and I find that most low to the ground animals - mink, stoat, weasel and ferrets are useless..too hard to maintain in the appropriate configuration..

    contrary to their name, beavers are no good.. their tails can give you a bad burn/rash on your belly in the 'throes', so to speak...

    I tend to stay away from household pets.. kids get upset over fluffy and dogs are man's best friend, afterall..

    the usual goats, sheep, cows thing is so obvious and passe, too...

    muskrat and otter might do in a pinch..and as for badgers...

    well, we don't need no stinkin' badgers...

    ah!.. the thrill of the hunt...
  13. Falklands 84 . The Inf used to "help" the bennies but taking a shotgun on patrol to "control" the goose problem.

    What they actually did was run a book.

    1. Stand 10 feet away from a penguin colony and fire both barrels.

    Count number of deceased penguins. Winner was the one with the most most killed and took the cash.

    2. Fishing with any old handgrenades found in the Argie trenches.

    3. Even the mighty Elephant seal all 3 tonnes of blubber and flesh cannot withstand a 66 LAW to the noggin.