Random bouts of immaturity.

to many to mention
Swaping a Sgts rank slide for a WO1 last week was fun. Sorry Taff! (I'm not really - I'm sure you'll get me back some time.)
After five minutes of explaining to a colleague why I couldn't help them today he turned round and asked what I suggested. I blew a rather loud and long raspberry down the phone and hung up.
I made a 'whooo oooo ooo oo' type scary noise at Derek Acorah outside John Lennon Airport at 8 in the morning, the cunt looked straight through me but went bright red when my pal called him a 'fooking queer' for wheeling a garish purple case behind him.

Early morning airport boozing is for winners.
Thinking that I can keep up with other work colleagues whilst sampling the delights of the 'goldfish bowl' at the work's do last night.

Actually random bouts of immaturity keep me sane. Usually they are fun-inspired incidents that put the smile back on my face.
"Bus wanker"ing around 30 students in Salisbury.
Driving through a deep puddle to soak a bunch of chav gobshites.
Spitting on my neighbours car door handle regularly!


Boozing the night before a run in the hopes that the subsequent hangover will be so painful I will be motivated to run faster just to get a chance to sit down therefore improving my previous time.
Not recommended.
I always loved waiting until the doors on the tube were about to close and then let the nastiest arse-ripping fart out ever and legging it off the tube as the doors shut. Leaving it like a tube of dying smarties :)
"Bus wanker"ing around 30 students in Salisbury.
Driving through a deep puddle to soak a bunch of chav gobshites.
Spitting on my neighbours car door handle regularly!
my boss was offering me a lift home after a late shift, got all the way to the car park and he'd forgotten some paperwork, he waddled back up to get it so i pissed up the drivers side door making sure i gave the handle a healthy wash and then standing there with him tut-tuting over what sort of social degenrate would do something like that and how it might be a good idea to park closer to the building

best bit was he tried to open it before noticing his hand was wet


Book Reviewer
Smearing curry around the underside of the plate when at a curry house. Then laugh as they get it all over their hands and shirt when they collect said plates.
then the waiters laugh as they irrevocably mark your card for life, and discuss exactly how many of them are going to crack one off into your rogan josh.

been back to that particular curryhouse lately?
Every thirty seconds or so. Why grow up when it's so boring?


Not me but...someone in my CoC..............Going into a 48 hour sulk after being to told to leave The Mess for copping a right strop during officers to Sgts'.

Oh and me thinking I can still play left back for 90 mins against the juniors, mind you, we did win!
When out in an expensive restaurant.... the type that charges £15-00 just to sniff the Menu Card.... I like going into the Gents bg for a dump.... then shoving as many of the bog rolls down around U-Bend with the bog brush and tamping them in like loading an old cannon. The I pulls the flush and watch it overflowing..... then leg it and hope the next poor sod who takes a dump and flushes get his pants wet ..... soooooooooooo childish. I was reprimanded by someone years ago after regaling folks by what I did..... I was told off, that I needed psychiatric help......

Many moons ago, when much younger, and very pished once... I was in the pub... can't remember where... I went for a dump... no erse-paper... so I took my vest off and used that.... then rammed it down around the U-bend.... It had the same effect.... blocked the bog completely... must have meant the Landlord had an expensive call-out for a Plumber.... The bugger banned from the Pub soon after that... but not for what I did to his bog.... but for being an annoying drunk prat.....

Happy days.... I still chortle about it..... maybe I do need help..... ahaha... maybe I still need arrselutions from the Forum Vicar


Friend of ours orders a steak down at the corner restaurant. Food comes in and apparently he doesn't like it (a little overcooked I suppose.) He decides to send it back to the kitchen. We implore him. Beg him. Literally go down on bended knees asking him not to. One of my buddies even offers to buy him another steak. He is adamant. So we shrug our shoulders and watch him call over the waitress, say something to the effect of "get it right next time" and promptly sends her packing back to the kitchen.

His new steak arrives and he proceeds to dispatch of it while we watch in horrified silence.

An hour or so later he is having assquakes so bad he stays on the squat for several days and is so deathly pale we think he is going to die. Lesson: Never send your food back to the kitchen.

Whoever the cook was showed an admirable bout of immaturity.


Book Reviewer
no matter how immature, never, ever wind up wait staff, bartenders or chefs.

they will get revenge.

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