I am a man of the world. I can cook (as long as it’s beans on toast, jacket potatoes or out of a cook book), iron (especially after the year long ironing course that is the ‘Hurst) and other usually woman associated tasks.

However, on receiving orders from the LHCoS (Long Haired Chief of Staff), I was tasked to tidy up the room whilst she was out. Imagine my surprise when I found over 11 pairs of shoes (including four pairs of what appeared to be the same boots), something which appeared to be dental floss but was part of the world’s smallest G String, about seven belts, more make up than in a small Boots and “mementos” of our courtship – notes, letters etc.

I understand all of this (except for the 4 pairs of the same boots – apparently it’s to do with the heel??). What does confuse me are the obsessions with pillows and teddy bears. What are they for – she is not a young thing anymore – why does she need teddy bears?? One of them is one I bought for her from Hamburg – had a cock and squeaky balls (I was minging!), but the others are from when she was a kid. And the cushions. Why. They are furry or huge and no use to man nor beast.

So, my question is…..

What is the obsession with the bear and what use are the cushions?
Does she not line up the plush toys against the wall, propped on the cushions, so you can pretend that you're being watched while you play hide-the-sausage?

Um, neither do we. :oops:
GB - perhaps some of the bears are from her other lovers?

Best way to find out is to throw them away - if she screams blue murder, she's guilty; and is she doesn't, she's also guilty but is clearly a cold-hearted schemer and not to be trusted.

Either way - you win! :)
Ah, but do the bears have names? Worrying in itself. If they are called names such as Paddington, Bruin and the like then you only have slight cause for concern in your choice of significant other. If, on the other hand they are named, Duke, Winston or more worrying still, Daddy, then you really do have a challenging future.
As to the cushions: under the hips = good. Over the face = bad (if yours)

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