Raising Money For the RN's New Fast Shiny Things

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by JoeCivvie, Aug 22, 2011.

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  1. Given that the RN won't have any money to buy fast shiny things to put on the HMS Queen Elizabeth aircraft carrier's deck, I was thinking up ways that they could make some money to buy some.

    I came up with the cunning plan that they could offer caravan cruises - make the HMS QE the world's first floating caravan park.

    Caravanners who wanted to go on a cruise could park up on the deck and the RN could take them for a nice cruise around the Med or Baltic, etc. A guaranteed money-spinner

    Any other ideas?
    • Like Like x 2
  2. Like the cut of your jib, I'd go for that. So long as I could park mine in the hangar, fuck the view, I'd be worried about drunken matelots float testing the caravans at night.

    I remember when we bought our first caravan, (cheap off ebay in case we didn't like it) I took it to a Falklands Reunion held on a campsite outside Blackpool. I was sat there at night pissing down with rain the skylight in the toilet leaked. I rang her indoors, who wasn't joining me for a couple of days, complaining that I was sat here in a leaky metal box, no different to when I was in the mob, bobbin about on the green stuff.

    Fucking good reunion though
  3. Could turn both carriers into floating prisons and anchor them somewhere up in Scapa Flwe Sound well away fron any centres of civilization...

  4. Won't it be hard getting the caravans on the deck and there would be old people dropping overboard all the time, great plan.
  5. Tell the RAF to purchase the fast shiny things instead?

    Scrap the RAF in order to raise capital to buy Navy fast shiny things?
  6. Hire all those pretty young sailors out to Jarrod by the hour?
  7. seaweed

    seaweed LE Book Reviewer

    We tried this prison lark with HMS Maidstone. Unfortunately we were not allowed to weld the scuttles shut so the ungrateful Fenian savages climbed out and swam away.

    Personally I think a carrier makes a superb 'events' venue - lift stopped a couple of feet up to make a bandstand with Booties playing selections from G & Sullivan, awning over the top of the hole to keep the rain off, and acres of drinking space for weddings, bar mitzvahs, old boys' reunions, political party confeneces, anything. Visits to the Golden Rivet arranged.
  8. Stand by for a 6-month debate on the merits of carrier-based vs. land-based caravan parks, and which is better for avoiding bad weather during the summer holidays...
  9. Drag Lusty up the Thames and park next to Belfast.

    Hey presto, instant MP, Lords and others accomodation. Helipad too, with some of it being turned in to a golf course/park and the tower being turned in to a restaurant. Hanger a spacious gym, squash court and evening entertainments area.

    Charge at reasonable rates and provide security and maybe a P2000 for trips up and down teh Thames... save on commuting too.
  10. better park it next to Wales there is no civilisation there
  11. My charm and charisma is fading fast, how much per hour?
  12. Seems a bit of a shame to take brand-new ships all that way just to sink them with all hands, but omelettes and eggs...
  13. That plan is flawed the MP's and Lords don't visit too often so it'd be empty.
  14. There are a number of options:-

    a) Build a third carrier and flog it to the Chinese. In a couple of years they'll realise that the ex-Soviet rust bucket they already bought is going nowhere fast.

    b) Build a fourth carrier and flog it to the French. In a couple of years, their entire Navy will be bald and sterile after serving on Charles de Gaulle, the world's most mobile radiation hazard.

    c) Stop paying welfare benefits for 7 days. The amount saved will pay for a carrier and an air group.

    d) Get in on the much anticipated remake of Top Gun that's supposed to be in the works. (Admiral Maverick is out of the closet and living with Ice Man). I'm told the US DoD got $25,000 out of Tony Scott just to have the USS Enterprise do a 180 course change so aircraft on deck could be filmed with the sun setting behind them.
  15. £50/sailor/hour seems fair enough to me.