RAF Jam Police Speed Radar

Discussion in 'Armed Forces Jokes' started by SPSnoMore, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the A1 Great North Road.

    One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 mph. Their radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it.

    Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Border district, approaching from the North Sea.

    Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office.

    Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style:

    "Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it.

    Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment.

    Fortunately the pilot flying the Tornado recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile systems alert status, and was able to override the automated defence system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar installation was destroyed.

    Good Day..."
     
  2. theres a couple like that
     
  3. And they're repeated on here with great and tedious regularity. Anybody heard the one about the German lad and his dog at the level crossing...or the one where Jock's/Taff's/Geordie's (delete as applicable) wife tells a German who interrupts her whilst she is busy knocking fuck out her 'bairns' outside the REAL/ALDI/LiDL (delete as applicable) that whilst corporal punishment is not exercised in Germany, similarly gassing Jews is not a recognised Scottish/Welsh/Geordie (delete as applicable) past time...or the one about the lad who steals the Stallwart and drives it all the way from Hohne/Munster/Sennelager/Nienberg (delete as applicable) to Zeebrugge/Ostende/Calais/Rotterdam (delete as applicable), launches it into the Channel only to run out of fuel half way across and who hasn't realised that a 'Stolly' has a reserve tank? That's a belter is that one!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. What a load of bollocks...... i wish i was as creative as bickies AB but im not so a simple bollocks will suffice
     
  5. By 'creative' are you suggesting that I made it all up? I actually know the Stally driver mate...it was Nobby Clarke. He ended up as a test driver for Alvis, who bought him out when they heard about it and gave him a job. It's all true.
     
  6. I thought it was K*v Hu**es
     
  7. No idea, but the old git mentioned that he had met the said miscreant... but then the old git used to wind me up too.
     
  8. I like the story about king farouk and the road accident better or maybe the one about the couple in the broken down car
    on dartmoor with the escaped lunatic.
     
  9. I know exactly where this happened. It was just outside Auchtertool...
     
  10. Bollocks.

    Just like the one:- "my mate saw two chavs breaking into a car and rang the police who said they couldn't send anyone for an hour. He then rang back and said he'd shot them and the police arrived in minutes"

    Tales if the unlikely.
     
  11. No shit, Sherlock.
     
  12. This is actually a true story. My mate told me about it and he got away with knocking seven shades of shite out of the RSM after he woke him up on exercise because you're not accountable for the first minute after you wake up, innit?
     
  13. No, that one IS true. Or so close to what would happen it might as well be true.

    (Or for more contempory setting. Dale Farm, police/ptb do fcuk all for 10 years but when the 'protesters' erect a huge platform at the bottom of one poor fcukers land he is finally driven to insanity and pulls a shot gun... tuit suite he's in nick. Takes another few days to move the illegal squatters on fromthe end of his land).
     

  14. I sometimes have trouble accounting for several hours at a time, particularly late on Friday and Saturday evenings.
     
    • Like Like x 1