Racoon Bites off Perverts Penis

#1
Ouch!!!

http://austriantimes.at/index.php?id=10795

A raccoon has bitten off a pervert's penis as he was trying to rape the animal.

Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified animal.

"When I saw the raccoon I thought I'd have some fun," he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.

Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood.

"He's been told they can get things working again but they can't sew back on what the raccoon bit off.

"That's gone forever so there isn't going to be much for them to work with," said one friend.
 
#3
....Only in Russia.

Or the Deep South. Or Wales, in fact.
 
#5
Christ, a racoon. I can't imagine thinking 'I'm so drunk right now I think I'll go shag that racoon'. Thats not to say that I'm against the odd human rape here and there.
 
#6
A mate of mine once stuck 2 fingers up a dog's arrse whilst absolutely hooned and staggering home. The silly cnut was on his own, so noone would have ever found out if he hadn't texted the 5 most used numbers in his phone with a message of admission. Emperror Mong strikes again.
 
#8
spike7451 said:
Ouch!!!

http://austriantimes.at/index.php?id=10795

A raccoon has bitten off a pervert's penis as he was trying to rape the animal.

Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified animal.

"When I saw the raccoon I thought I'd have some fun," he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.

Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood.

"He's been told they can get things working again but they can't sew back on what the raccoon bit off.

"That's gone forever so there isn't going to be much for them to work with," said one friend.
I thought racoons only lived in North America. How did he find one in Russia?
 
#9
ubuntu said:
Flashman07 said:
Christ, a racoon. I can't imagine thinking 'I'm so drunk right now I think I'll go shag that racoon'. Thats not to say that I'm against the odd human rape here and there.
prude.
Well I'm sorry but I draw the line at Racoons!
 
#10
DavidBOC said:
I thought racoons only lived in North America. How did he find one in Russia?
No idea but a bloke I know in Britain has half a dozen of them (he does have a wildlife sanctuary)
The one that lives in the house is a terrifying little creature, nice natured but all teeth and claws.
Can't see the attraction of waving your tackle at a creature with claws that sharp myself :D
 
#11
jagman said:
DavidBOC said:
I thought racoons only lived in North America. How did he find one in Russia?
No idea but a bloke I know in Britain has half a dozen of them (he does have a wildlife sanctuary)
The one that lives in the house is a terrifying little creature, nice natured but all teeth and claws.
Can't see the attraction of waving your tackle at a creature with claws that sharp myself :D
I bet he got laid all the time.
 
#12
Flashman07 said:
ubuntu said:
Flashman07 said:
Christ, a racoon. I can't imagine thinking 'I'm so drunk right now I think I'll go shag that racoon'. Thats not to say that I'm against the odd human rape here and there.
prude.
Well I'm sorry but I draw the line at Racoons!
In general best to stick to your something that at least resembles your own species, no matter what the Welsh may tell you.
 
#13
A bloke turns up at a farm in Wales and says to farmer "I can talk to animals through my mind". The farmer doesn't believe him, so the bloke walks upto the farm dog and frowns at him for a few minutes. He stands up and says to the farmer "The dog says he'd like a bit more water every day, and could he be allowed to sleep on the bed at weekends? He also says I don't like Pedigree, so could you get Baxters dog food instead?" The farmer is still sceptical though, so the bloke walks up to the horse, frowns at it then turns round and says to the farmer "You use this horse twice a day to pull a cart of hay up that hill over there. The horse wants a longer break though, he's getting old and his knees are suffering. He also says his saddle is rubbing on his left shoulder, and he'd like you to sort it out before your niece comes riding again." The farmer looks shocked, but still isn't convinced. The bloke starts walking towards the sheep field when the farmer jumps and says "Don't believe anything they say, they're all liars!"
 
#14
To coin a phrase Raccoons have been on the march through europe :p ,they are quite common in eastern and southern germany, there are 2 types the american style racoon or Waschbar and the Russian genus which the germans call Marderhund, both are classed as vermin and rabies carriers,open season all year round,Davy crocket hat anyone 8)
 
#15
Squiggers said:
....Only in Russia.

Or the Deep South. Or Wales, in fact.
Or Winterslow, Salisbury, Wiltshire........ :omg:
 
#16
You've got to hand it to the Racoon, it's got a sh'it mullet but good drills.

It's a pity it didn't have rabies though.
 

Command_doh

LE
Book Reviewer
#17
Flashman07 said:
ubuntu said:
Flashman07 said:
Christ, a racoon. I can't imagine thinking 'I'm so drunk right now I think I'll go shag that racoon'. Thats not to say that I'm against the odd human rape here and there.
prude.
Well I'm sorry but I draw the line at Racoons!
What, you've never skiffed a startled badger? Meh.
 
#18
Dear Sir/Madam,
as a regular reader of this column I am noticing a number of your contributers making a false correlation between Welsh people and Racoons. Well, as a Welsh person living in North America where, in fact, I had a family of racoons living in my roof, I have to tell you this is just not correct. We Welshmen do not go around having unwanted sex with fury animals. It isnt our fault that they find us quite attractive in our humanly ways and go out of their way to foster relationships with us of a sexual nature. We are but victims too.
yours faithfully
 

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