Racing Snail

My racing snail hasn't been winning any races recently so I decided to remove his shell to get his weight down and make him more aerodynamic.

It doesn't appear to have made much difference though. If anything, it's made him more sluggish.
Try pouring some Guinness on its rear end it normally speeds them up a bit, only downfalls are they might get p*ssed and go round in circles or melt.

Also consider modifications may not be permitted in all races.
I told this joke to the wife and got a lecture on how a snail's shell is its exoskeleton and is attached to the body and that trying to remove it will kill it.

She did not laugh when I told her it was a joke.

She didn't even laugh after I explained it....

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