Rabbie Burns

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Queensman, Jan 25, 2013.

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  1. Happy 254th birthday to The Bard or Ploughman Poet.

    I've got a hangover that would kill a small horse having celebrated Burns Night last night. If you're asked to do a reading, you could always give 'em this:

    Ode to a fart.

    Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
    Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
    As ye sit doon amongst yer kin
    There sterts tae stir an enormous win'

    The neeps an' tatties an' mushy peas
    Stert workin' like a gentle breeze
    But soon the puddin' wi' the sonsie face
    Will have ye blawin' a' ower the place.

    Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
    A'body's gonnae have tae pay
    Even if ye try tae stifle
    It's like a bullet oot o' a rifle

    Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
    Tae try an' stop the leakin' air
    Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
    Pray tae God it disnae reek.

    But aw yer efforts gan asunder
    Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
    Ricochets aroon' the room
    Michty me! A sonic boom

    God Almighty, it fairly reeks!
    Hope I huvnae crapped ma breeks!
    Tae the bog I'd better scurry,
    Ach, whit the hell, it's no ma worry.

    A'body roon aboot me chokin'
    Yin or twa were nearly bokin'
    I'll feel better for a while
    Cannae help but raise a smile.

    Wis him! I shout with accusin' glower,
    Alas! Too late! He's just keeled ower
    Ya dirty bugger, they shout and stare
    A didnae feel welcome ony mair

    Where e're ye be let yer wind gang free
    Sounds like just thon wee jobby for me
    Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party
    Ower the sake o' ma ane wee farty.
     
    • Like Like x 16
  2. CanteenCowboy

    CanteenCowboy LE Book Reviewer

    Did they have 'Atholl Brose'?

    I will miss that more than most things, could say that about Army Chefs, they knew how to mass produce it to excellent standards.
     
  3. Gallons of the stuff - all made under the watchful eye of the Chief Clerk! Trying to describe it before it arrived to the lass sitting next to me, I said 'it's like Baileys for men'! bloody marvellous but probably largely to blame for my parlous condition this morning.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  4. CanteenCowboy

    CanteenCowboy LE Book Reviewer

    Och, I'm away to see if anybody sells the stuff locally.......
     
  5. For shame! And tae think the Queen's Regiment and the KOSB (Rab's auld regiment - he wis only TA mind) were affiliated!
     
    • Like Like x 2
  6. msr

    msr LE

  7. Yer man was a complete amateur:
     
  8. Even this is better than Burns:
     
    • Like Like x 5
  9. CanteenCowboy

    CanteenCowboy LE Book Reviewer

  10. Re Burns' poetry, can someone explain what 'agley' means - as in 'gang aft'?
     
  11. Although as a Scotsman I am proud and appreciative of the talents of the Great Bard, I feel we have missed the opportunity to celebrate our other great Bard, a personal favourite of the late Queen Victoria I believe - the one and only WILLIAM TOPAZ McGONAGALL !!!

    Here is his most famous gem:

    The Tay Bridge Disaster

    Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
    Alas! I am very sorry to say
    That ninety lives have been taken away
    On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
    Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

    ’Twas about seven o’clock at night,
    And the wind it blew with all its might,
    And the rain came pouring down,
    And the dark clouds seem’d to frown,
    And the Demon of the air seem’d to say-
    “I’ll blow down the Bridge of Tay.”

    When the train left Edinburgh
    The passengers’ hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
    But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
    Which made their hearts for to quail,
    And many of the passengers with fear did say-
    “I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay.”

    But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
    Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
    And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
    On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
    Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

    So the train sped on with all its might,
    And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
    And the passengers’ hearts felt light,
    Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
    With their friends at home they lov’d most dear,
    And wish them all a happy New Year.

    So the train mov’d slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
    Until it was about midway,
    Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
    And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
    The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
    Because ninety lives had been taken away,
    On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
    Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

    As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
    The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
    And the cry rang out all o’er the town,
    Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
    And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
    Which fill’d all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
    And made them for to turn pale,
    Because none of the passengers were sav’d to tell the tale
    How the disaster happen’d on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
    Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

    It must have been an awful sight,
    To witness in the dusky moonlight,
    While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
    Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
    Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
    I must now conclude my lay
    By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
    That your central girders would not have given way,
    At least many sensible men do say,
    Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
    At least many sensible men confesses,
    For the stronger we our houses do build,
    The less chance we have of being killed.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  12. msr

    msr LE

  13. Gang aft agley= often goes wrong,
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Reputedly an ancestor...

    Cleveland Lyke-wake Dirge (Traditional)


    THIS yah neet, this yah neet,
    — Ivvery neet an' all,
    Fire an' fleet an' cannle leet,
    An' Christ tak up thy saul.

    When thoo frae hence away art passed
    — Ivvery neet an' all,
    Ti Whinny Moor thoo cums at last
    An' Christ tak up thy saul.

    If ivver thoo gav owther hosen or shoon,
    — Ivvery neet an' all,
    Clap thee doon, an' put 'em on,
    An' Christ tak up thy saul.

    Bud if hosen an' shoon thoo nivver gav neean,
    — Ivvery neet an' all,
    T'whinnies'll prick thee sair ti t'beean,
    An' Christ tak up thy saul.

    Frae Whinny Moor when thoo art passed,
    — Ivvery neet an' all,
    Ti t'Brig o' Dreead tho cums at last,
    An' Christ tak up thy saul.

    If ivver thoo gav o' thy siller an' gowd,
    — Ivvery neet an' all,
    On t'Brig o'Dreead thoo'll finnd footho'd,
    An' Christ tak up thy saul.

    Bud if silver an' gowd thoo nivver gav neean,
    — Ivvery neet an' all,
    Thoo'll doon, doon tumle towards Hell fleeame,
    An' Christ tak up thy saul.

    Frae t'Brig o' Dreead when thoo art passed
    — Ivvery neet an' all,
    Ti t'fleeames o' Hell tho'll cum at last,
    An' Christ tak up thy saul.

    If ivver thoo gav owther bite or sup,
    — Ivvery neet an' all,
    T'fleeames'll nivver catch thee up,
    An' Christ tak up thy saul.

    Bud if bite or sup thoo nivver gav neean,
    — Ivvery neet an' all,
    T' flames'll bon thee sair ti t'beean,
    An' Christ tak up thy saul.

    This yah neet, this yah neet,
    — Ivvery neet an' all,
    Fire an' fleet an' cannle leet,
    An' Christ tak up thy saul.




    You'll have noticed that it's not Scottish but it was collected by Sir Walter Scott and features in his "Minstrelsy of the Scottish Border". That shows how crap he was at geography - it's 80 miles from the Border.
     
  15. Right, I'm all set.

    Haggis all ready
    Tatties ready for mashing
    Neeps all ready

    And picked up a bottle of Lagavulin 16yr Single Malt
    I'm not a whisky buff so can anyone let me know if this is a good one? What should I be looking out for in he tasting?