Quite depressed.

How much do you read? Having an activity to occupy your mind is what's important. I work all the hours I can, not because I need the money, because I need the distraction from the rest of my life.
 

Cold_Collation

LE
Book Reviewer
I already know it doesn't help. Removing it leaves a void I don't know how to fill.
Some years ago, I decided I needed professional help. Alcohol and my relationship with it was part the discussion.

Put succinctly, drinking filled time. I was dependent in that sense, but not dependent in an addiction sense.

The solution is to fill the time. Exercise is an obvious one. Voluntary work or a group hobby are others.

This last year hasn’t made that easy but it is possible.
 
I already know it doesn't help. Removing it leaves a void I don't know how to fill.

You’re aware. That’s a good start. Keep using it if you need it as a crutch for now, but lets get you some help as quickly as possible so you don’t need it.
 
I drank from appr. 1987 to 2008 and resumed - once - in 2018.

Never again. The hangover included a genuinely black despair that I'd never had before.

Stop drinking. At the very least, it's money saved that you can put towards actual treatment, and it's another variable that you can do without.

Drink is not your friend.
Depends on who is using who doesn't it, a little is strength too much is weakness. I have a couple of pints nearly every day with an occasional single malt when I feel like it.
 
I already know it doesn't help. Removing it leaves a void I don't know how to fill.

It's not a void - it's an opportunity to do something amazing. Or even just something fun or satisfying.

It will come to you, probably faster than you expect.

Try going to a Dojo and beating up young people. Exercise helps exponentially.
 
The most depressed I ever got was after retiring too early...lonely describes it well.
 
get yourself someone on UKCP register. Post traumatic stress disorder might come into if you have been in Afghanistan it so find someone who can do EMDR. Eye movement desensitizing programming. They will have to keep it confidential and if they can do EMDR and preferably hypno-counselling they will get you feeling better in no time. I am one such but can't work at the moment. when I can I will offer my services to army veterans. I am doing some in a soup kitchen at the moment where some of the worst casualties end up, but basically I am on sabbatical doing something else. long time ago army tried to recruit me. straight in as Major and not have to wear the uniform, just because i am good at that kind of thing. But you will find others who are. I am not appearing on UKCP list at present. You want UKCP hypno. It isn't magic. They will just get you very calm and relaxed and then talk it all out. help you make decisions on what's best. heal nasty memories etc. talk it all out. help you make plans for future.
I wanted my logo to be a nice anchor in memory of my naval Intelligence father (shared flat in navy with Phil the Greek but not besties. and mother, just died WW2 Wren coder. There's a reason I have joined. I am looking for something ex Mod gear. but you do have interesting things to say sometimes.
of course the navy is best. MY grandpa was the youngest full captain ever.
not all parents are loving and wondaful. Not all relatives are. you can chose your friends but not all your family. My parents great but not all my rellies. I had to distance myself from a couple.
You lot are always a bit ahead of the news on this site. if someone can put me a nice anchor up not the N I would be obliged.

Google the image, shrink to fit if needed. There are image data reduction apps available. Try the App store first.
 
I drank from appr. 1987 to 2008 and resumed - once - in 2018.

Never again. The hangover included a genuinely black despair that I'd never had before.

Stop drinking. At the very least, it's money saved that you can put towards actual treatment, and it's another variable that you can do without.

Drink is not your friend.
Seconded. Give up the booze
 
Haven’t read all of the posts yet, but counselling helps greatly.
I had it for PT after pushing it away for months on end. I’d written it off as psychobabble & “I don’t need no head quack telling me anything”.
But I tried it as a last resort and I’ve have zero complaint. They got hidden stuff out of me that I had no idea was there.
The hardest was turning up for the first appointment. After that every session got better & better. I felt a weight had been lifted.

Try it. What have you got to lose?
 
The most depressed I ever got was after retiring too early...lonely describes it well.

I have embraced retirement with gusto as I have with every phase of my life and I know it can be hard for some people and they cannot accept that their working life is over . I however was determined that this was not going to affect me .
 
Combat Stress are pretty good, 24/7 and just a natter takes you off the edge sometimes. Personally I would veer away from the the drug side, having being on sertraline and citalopram. I am no Doctor, but they are just masking the issue, Aldous Huxley, Brave New World and Soma?
It just needs the clever people to start doing their jobs, anyone can write a script. Talking and listening is the best approach in my opinion.
 
Much like yourself, I was concerned flagging up MH with my GP would evidence an 'issue' on my medical records that would make applying for particular industries in the future a problem. You may never actually attempt to gain employment in such work, though it didn't sit well with me being denied the opportunity simply because I'd sought help during a low period (which for me was more 'circumstance driven' than 'brain chemistry' as well).

I feel like many others being transparent and evidencing that you're engaging/ making use of the aids offered to be the better long term solution rather than a prospective employer sat across from you thinking here's some nut case ticking time bomb ex squaddie that spends his evenings ruminating etc.

Fortunately my GP was quite supportive and there are NHS MH services you can access once you speak with your GP. It is extremely hard asking for that initial help, particularly as a former soldier where you're generally just expected to plough through a bit of adversity/ shit times.

Much as said above, I've felt speaking with people with relatable past experiences to be the biggest help, more so than councillors etc. Occupying your time is also a big plus. For me it's exercise, my dogs and reading.

All the best whichever path you choose.
 

Cold_Collation

LE
Book Reviewer
Much like yourself, I was concerned flagging up MH with my GP would evidence an 'issue' on my medical records that would make applying for particular industries in the future a problem. You may never actually attempt to gain employment in such work, though it didn't sit well with me being denied the opportunity simply because I'd sought help during a low period (which for me was more 'circumstance driven' than 'brain chemistry' as well).

I feel like many others being transparent and evidencing that you're engaging/ making use of the aids offered to be the better long term solution rather than a prospective employer sat across from you thinking here's some nut case ticking time bomb ex squaddie that spends his evenings ruminating etc.

Fortunately my GP was quite supportive and there are NHS MH services you can access once you speak with your GP. It is extremely hard asking for that initial help, particularly as a former soldier where you're generally just expected to plough through a bit of adversity/ shit times.

Much as said above, I've felt speaking with people with relatable past experiences to be the biggest help, more so than councillors etc. Occupying your time is also a big plus. For me it's exercise, my dogs and reading.

All the best whichever path you choose.
I couldn’t agree more.

Look at it this way: is it better to seek help or carry on actually being that ticking time-bomb? With the right support you’re far more likely to succeed in the longer term. That has to be the goal.

Mental health is viewed far more productively these days. Frankly, I’d rather employ someone who’s capable of gauging and flagging their limits. It shows that they’re more realistic and, ultimately, reliable.

That’s both as an individual and as someone potentially running others. It shows stewardship. Useful in terms of duty of care.
 
Bluntly, I believe that things are going badly due to circumstances rather than brain chemistry. It is likely to be healthier to fix the former than meddle with the latter.

Alcohol is complicating this ideal, but at the moment is something I'd want to deal with later.
I've been thinking how to respond to this coherently, and I'm still not sure it'll make sense but here goes.
I had therapy for anxiety for a period leading up to my retirement.
One of the things that became apparent during the process is just how powerful the subconscious brain is.
For example, I retired in August this year. This time last year I was saying 'I won't worry about it until after Christmas'
I had a panic attack in the middle of Christmas dinner.
In my next session my therapist pointed out the connection to my earlier statement, and my subconscious brain triggering 'now you've got to worry'.
What I'm getting at is that all of the circumstances you describe are difficult. And you are right, they all need addressing. But the way you are feeling is linked to how your subconscious, emotional, brain is processing them.
I was particularly prone to anxiety in quiet, non busy, periods. I didn't even have to be thinking about anything linked to my worries. My therapist described it as my emotional brain sticking it's head up going 'now have you got time to think about this'
Don't be afraid to seek help.
And consider this. You have expressed concern about medical records affecting future employment.
I'm pretty sure if drink becomes a bigger problem than it is now, then that will affect your prospects too. Maybe more.
 
It may be worth bearing in mind that the extraordinary circumstances of the pandemic have seen GPs assisting many, many, many, more members of the general population with depressive and panic attack issues than before - not surprisingly. I would not be surprised if that further changes future opinion to mental health, normalising bouts of depression in the general population and the workplace. IE as a 'respectable' physical reaction to life pressures rather than lack of 'capability' to cope.

Couch to 5k running programme. Based on 3 runs a week. Exercise, especially in daylight really changes brain chemistry. has helped several of our family in dealing with current Covid / work / family stress. If you have a beat that you run, you also start to see faces as you pass and it is a no-pressure way of socialising briefly. Takes time, raises mood and health, helps with quality of sleep. partner lost 3 stone and a lot of stress doing it.
 
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Mate, as pointed out by multiple posters, start your recovery process by knocking the drink squarely and firmly on the head. At this stage, a daunting prospect I'm sure, however, 100% guaranteed fact - staying on the drink will mess you up big time.

See it for what is, a toxic substance and get out there and immerse yourself in every type of physical activity you can think of and are capable of. Fell running, martial arts, circuits, ballroom dancing, log races, anything. Find a way to regularly beast yourself to within an inch of your life and trust me, things will change.

Dont listen to the doubters, wasters and morale hoovers - get out there and f***** smash it!
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G4Star

Old-Salt
Speak to GP & get referred to local CPN or Mental Health Team.
Have a look at what voluntary mental health support in your local area as some good support if you look.
Some offer a chat service or day service where you can get help & support from.

You are not alone & never will be, making the first step is often the hardest.
 
Choose someone in UK council of psychotherapists and they will be highly trained and experienced. Then tell them you are ex army and have been in Afghanistan and they will probably bring their price down to a very small amount. (Unless you left the army to start a hedge fund). I don't ever charge a lot when the cost would add to the problems. Of course if you are in my neck of the woods, and turn up at the soup kitchen looking as if you are sleeping rough, you get my work for free. But what I am saying is most psychotherapists genuinely want to help people. Yes, the subconscious is very strong. That is why someone who knows how to get right in there and heal it is what you want.
With EMDR you do not even have to tell the psychotherapist about all your worst memories.
If they also use with hypnosis they could make you very calm and confident first.
At the moment I have got someone who was abused in a children's home ( there are a lot of big strong men who have been damaged by kiddy fiddlers when they were little), then blown up in Afghanistan with his best friend killed then had his skull cracked in a mugging in UK. of course there was the nightmare childhood that got him in a children's home to start with. It will all be totally confidential. You aren't going to know who I am and certainly never know who that is,
that sort of thing is pretty much the norm for an experienced psychotherapist.
the idea of doing part time study is great , but a good psychotherapist will be able to help you see where you want to get to. then start taking small steps.

It appears you are punting for business. It’s not appropriate in this thread and personally I find some of your comments cringeworthy and out of order.

As a new user to ARRSE I recommend you sit back, observe and think before you comment.

This isn’t about you.
 
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