Quiet shared nights in bed

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by orificecadet, Aug 18, 2005.

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  1. Righty ho, my last girlfriend (ex-anorexic ex-public school girl) was to say the least a bit weird. Pulled her in a bar in london. My mate had pulled her housemate and we all shared a cab back to her place. My mate was relegated to the sofa division whilst I was allowed upstairs into what i assumed would be goal scoring territory.
    A last minute save and poor shooting skills on my behalf left me to sleep off a boner on the other side of the bed.
    We went out subsequently, for a meal at one of my favourite little haunts, where I impressed her with my knowledge of fine wines, good food, witty conversation and my tweed jacket (no elbow patches i hasten to add). All being well we trotted back to her place for what I hoped to be a passionate night of carnal lust. Once again I was invited up to the bedroom , but denied all physical contact except a kiss and a cuddle before going to sleep.
    Poor little orifice was feeling denied attention here.
    Nevertheless I decided to persevere and after 2 very pleasant nights out along similar veins, my tweed jacket now havoing been consigned to the back of my wardrobe. However each night once again poor little orifice was denied any action and begining to feel uneccesarily put upon. After a 5th and final date and much time spent inbetween at the students union bar sports night and so on and so forth. Victory was claimed and fireworks were seen (well almost there was dodgy light that flashed a bit when a train went by).
    Now my question is... is this normal behaviour?
    I could understand being turned away at the front door or sent to sleep on the sofa. But being allowed upstairs and denied at the last minute so many times. Does anyone else have experience of this?
  2. I have known this to happen.......the most irritating was a young lady friend of mine who invited me into MY bed (After I had graciously offered to kip on the floor to make room for her, whilst planning she would feel guilty and let me in for a shag. 8) ) gave me a kiss and a cuddle, and then rolled over to go to sleep. At this point, it was about 8/10 on the scale of irritating, however, for the rest of the night, everytime she woke up...........

    SHE WOKE ME UP TOO, ON PURPOSE, TO "KEEP HER COMPANY BECAUSE SHE WAS LONELY BEING AWAKE ON HER OWN" :evil: And no, this involved cuddling and talking about 'stuff'.

    She's still a work in progress. I like a challenge. 8)
  3. Whilst visiting friends at uni used to try the line of "my mates have gone home and I dont know where they live, can I stay at yours?".
    It would work some of the time, but typicaly did end with me sleeping on the floor, but quite oftern come the morning the woman involved would be so impressed that a soldier could behave him self so well I was asked into her bed to warm up a bit.
    But there were a few out there who wanted a bit more than the usual "Ive just got back from Bosnia where I saved a baby from a burning house" story.
  4. 8O Nah, orifice, that's a very odd behaviour. I was a student for many, many years and sure have never encountered this strange mix of signals - on one hand 'we are having a great night out, which will lead to nookie' and on the other hand 'you're a good mate who can kip and crash inmy large enough bed'. It was always either-or.

    Did things change in the last 10/15 years or is the UK even odder than the Teutonic homelands? :roll:
  5. Errr, got to say chaps, you need to work on your patter.

    The facts;

    1. You were in bed with totty
    2. She invited you
    3. You didnt 'give her the good news'.

    Are you related to either Graham Norton or Dale Winton??

    Simple solution. Stick your nob in her face whilst shes sleeping. If she wakes up, she will think she is dreaming. If she doesnt wake up, bonus, use your imagination to its fullest and filthiest degree.

    If its a shag you are after, GUE or pull a slapper in the first place.
    If its someone to take home and meet your mother, continue.
  6. Happened to me and I can still remember the month and year, October 1998. I was out pubbing and clubbing it, copped off real early in the night, wined, dined, kissing, cuddling, and she begged me back to her gaff explaining in detail what she was gonna do to me, RESULT! Back at her flat, lots of 'messing around', working each other up to a 'couple of dogs on heat' stage, and then she stopped and said something along the lines of 'your so sweet but I'm tired so go to sleep and we'll chat tomorrow'. Ooooooookay. Next morning I was up bright and breezy, went for a slash, found her FMBs next to the sofa, so I left a 'deposit' in her left one. The thought of her that night slippping that boot on and squeching around Manchester more then made up for not getting 'nudge, nudge, wink, wink'.
  7. next time ... let her go to sleep then crack her one with a shovel and chop off the limbs of your choice .. if you do her legs, post me her slippers will you ... i collect them.

    cheers in advance.
  8. Lezzers the lot of em


  9. cpunk

    cpunk LE Moderator

    Well if they are, you need to send them to Pornutopia and they'll soon be gagging for a throbbing length of man-meat :D
  10. The annoying thing is that when the boot's on the other foot, i.e. when they're up for it and you just want to crash out, they take a day trip to fcuking mentalia. You will never win.
  11. Are you gay or summink? :)

    It should have been you waking her up with a warm wet thing in her back,
    No response?
    Pin her down and give her one for England and St George!

    She will love and respect you for it........if she's from Colburn.
  12. & you proposed to me on the other thread! Erm, tempting... 8O (but no!) :lol:
  13. It happened to me many years ago. I had a brief but unconsummated fling with a Swedish girl, but lost contact with her for a couple of months. When I did establish comms, she was working as an Au Pair in Lausanne and she invited me down to "stay for a few days, I only have a room but the family is away and you can share my bed"..

    I nursed a raging hard-on all the way to Switzerland and got there late in the evening with sore and swollen plums. Imagine my surprise and bitter, bitter disappointment when, after being invited into bed I was told that: "I love you too much for this relationship to become physical...” :(

    Two days later I limped home with nothing to show but aching gonads and a sticky tip. My only means of consolation was an embittered and sordid Jodrell in the toilet on the TGV back to Paris, and the sour pleasure of nursing my blooming misogyny like a diseased orchid...
  14. I've rarely heard a bigger load of tosh! What does sex have to do with love? (in any combination thereof)

    I assume you broke contact with her after that experience? :?
  15. Perhaps playing a porno flick soundtrack as background mood-music might have moved things along.