Questions for a new girlfriend

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by VerminWA, Aug 28, 2005.

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  1. Well I always had a specific set of questions for a new girlfriend. They can be brokendown into stages, the early stage, (sometimes called the honeymoon period) the middle stage (the getting to know each other stage) and the dumping/being dumped stage. Please note this is not definative and should not be used as a reliable guide

    I'll do the later stage first because it is the most simple although at the time it may not seem like it.

    1. Why?/What part of I never want to see you again don't you understand? Delete as appropriate. Former obviously being dumped, latter, doing the dumping!


    In the early stage I have always found the following questions useful.

    1. Do you come here often? (Very early stage)
    2. Do you want to come to mine for coffee?
    3. Would you like to stay? Closely follow question with the statement "I promise to behave!" NOTE: Cross fingers when saying statement as it is clearly a lie, lying is a sin unless you cross your fingers. Yes I am aware that shagging out of wedlock is a sin but it's a billion times more fun than lying so is therefore much more forgivable in the eyes of God...................................................I hope.
    4. Do you have an allergy to latex?
    5. Can I cum on your t1ts. NOTE: Use discretion, definately not to be used on posh birds.

    In the middle stage I found the following questions useful.

    1. Can I fart in bed?
    2. Do I have to meet your parents?
    3. Would you be upset if I asked you to have a brazillian?
    4. Are you aware that buggery is a crime and would you report me?
    5. Are you desperate for children anytime soon. WARNING: Requires a certain level of tact, also ensure you know all available exit routes for a textbook extraction, 3rd floor windows are not a suitable exit even in a state of panic.

    But in light of this mornings events it turns out that the most important question to ask is................














    Do you have a fcuking stalker!!
     
  2. J_D

    J_D LE

    So meeting in the local club p1ssed and dragging them home don't work?
     
  3. Not like that at all, in the middle stage now, obviously took the cnut time to find my fcuking house!
     
  4. Is "B" range available? you should ask any new Girlfriend that , just a question of picking the right moment. If she says no , and looks scandalised , bin her. Hope that helps? :D
     
  5. Do you spit or swallow? (it doesnt generate an answer but a good ice breaker on the subject) If she screws her face up at both then dont waste anymore of your time! he he he
     
  6. J_D

    J_D LE

    " Do you mind lying in the wet patch?"
     
  7. LOL Anya, you have just creased me! That has to be the classic !
     
  8. Wouldn't be a wet patch if she swallowed!
     
  9. J_D

    J_D LE

    Vermin, don't think you got it some how.
     
  10. You've not being meeting the right posh birds then, have you?
     
  11. Prior to abduction I always try to get these difficult points across:

    Do you mind if I strangle you until you're unconcious, before I kick yer back doors in?

    It rubs the lotion on its skin and then puts it in the basket! It does this whenever its told or else it get the hose again!

    Put the fcuking lotion in the basket bitch!

    Which part should I skin first?

    :twisted:

    This thread is one for the Arrsehole I do believe! Next to my choccy thread

    :D
     
  12. Vegitus , I've yet to meet a posh burd that DIDN'T insist on depravity.

    Super , have you been naming sharp objects as well?
     
  13. 1)Its okay to try other things as long as we both agree and it does'nt hurt is'nt it? -if she answers'yes'
    2)Do you take it up the arse?
     
  14. [quote="
    5. Can I cum on your t1ts. NOTE: Use discretion, definately not to be used on posh birds.
    [/b][/quote]

    Why do you ask permission? Half the fun is doing things she doesnt like.

    my favourite is shooting my muck into their hair just after they have washed and blow dried.

    Oh and Ive never mat a poshbird who isnt far filthier than I am so shes bound to love the old pearl necklace. Who cares if she doesnt?

    Question you must ask..."Can you sign this model release form please?"

    So that you can put your pics and vids of her being a filthy slut on one of your favourite websites without fear of prosecution/civil liability. 8) :D
     
  15. J_D

    J_D LE

    I still go for "you don't mind a little pain do you?". If they say yes, then I get my wicked way!