question from a new army mum about leave

Hi all, My son has told me that he wants to join up. One of my concerns is that he should be having his Covid postponed graduation one weekday next summer, and also his sister is getting married later in 2022 on a Saturday. Do you know if he will be able to attend these? I know that by the end of next year his basic training should be done, so I am hoping that will be fine for the Saturday wedding unless he is posted away, but I am very anxious about his graduation. He worked so hard for his degree and deserves his day. To be fair, he says he will be far more proud at his passing out parade, but I'm the mum, not the soldier here. Any advice would be gratefully received. Thank you.
 
D

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Hi all, My son has told me that he wants to join up. One of my concerns is that he should be having his Covid postponed graduation one weekday next summer, and also his sister is getting married later in 2022 on a Saturday. Do you know if he will be able to attend these? I know that by the end of next year his basic training should be done, so I am hoping that will be fine for the Saturday wedding unless he is posted away, but I am very anxious about his graduation. He worked so hard for his degree and deserves his day. To be fair, he says he will be far more proud at his passing out parade, but I'm the mum, not the soldier here. Any advice would be gratefully received. Thank you.
Is he looking to join as an officer?
 
I cannot answer your question on leave but I can as a son.

He is potentially about to undertake a life changing career, graduation and his sisters wedding are fairly insignificant life events in the scheme of things, don’t worry about it.
 
If he makes it through basic then he will be far more proud of that achievement, and as his mother you too will feel proud if you attend his passing out parade.
It really is an exceptional occasion.
It sounds like you are more concerned about his graduation than he is, but unless he is on an operational tour, he can apply for leave if he qualifies and has the required amount of days left.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
I can only speak from a long time ago.
Myself and a colleague graduated at the Christmas time, as was the style for my degree and university at that time.
I joined Army, he the Navy.
Graduation was August, we both attended. I was advised against uniform for security concerns. He wore his Naval Uniform.

I attended my graduation for my parents sake. By that stage I felt it was well past the time for it.

And I enjoyed and thought more of my passing out parade
 

Dwarf

LE
As the post above, he should have leave to attend if he wishes.
But it may coincide with other duties or activities which he could consider as more important.
Achieving the degree is the important thing and for most people it's one of the few chances, if not the only, in their lives to be on a stage. Passing out is far more intense for the participant and a graduation ceremony will be an anti-climax after that. Had covid not postponed it he would have had both.
He obviously has different priorities and ways of looking at things and if he places little importance on the ceremony then its his life.

You said that you are the mum and you are obviously proud and want to show him off. But may I gently ask how much of your question is about you feeling let down and not what he feels?
 

Slime

LE
As with others here, I can only comment on how I felt many years ago.

A passing out parade was a thing of immense pride and and had to be earned through very hard work.

I didn’t bother to attend my graduation ceremony, it was only pointing out I’d passed something I’d already known I’d passed.

Perhaps, like you, my mother saw the graduation as the real achievement. As all of my older relatives had served in the military I sometimes think the passing out parade was just viewed as part of normal life within my family.
 

Issi

LE
My wife bought me a University of Greenwich sweatshirt for a bit of fun a few years after I graduated.

My mum took one look at it and stated “Why are you wearing that? You didn’t go to University!”

Thanks Mum.
 
As the post above, he should have leave to attend if he wishes.
But it may coincide with other duties or activities which he could consider as more important.
Achieving the degree is the important thing and for most people it's one of the few chances, if not the only, in their lives to be on a stage. Passing out is far more intense for the participant and a graduation ceremony will be an anti-climax after that. Had covid not postponed it he would have had both.
He obviously has different priorities and ways of looking at things and if he places little importance on the ceremony then its his life.

You said that you are the mum and you are obviously proud and want to show him off. But may I gently ask how much of your question is about you feeling let down and not what he feels?
It is a fair question. Before he finally decided to join up, he was desperately disappointed to have his graduation cancelled, as he has severe dyslexia and it was not certain he would even get to university, let alone graduate. You are quite right, he is far less bothered about it now than I am. In my defence, I am bothered on his behalf mostly. Although my daughters' graduations were wonderful events and I was incredibly proud of them, it is for him that I want the experience of the ceremony. He would like to go, but says his passing out parade would be far more important to him, so I am less upset if he misses it than I would have been.
 
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Hi all, My son has told me that he wants to join up. One of my concerns is that he should be having his Covid postponed graduation one weekday next summer, and also his sister is getting married later in 2022 on a Saturday. Do you know if he will be able to attend these? I know that by the end of next year his basic training should be done, so I am hoping that will be fine for the Saturday wedding unless he is posted away, but I am very anxious about his graduation. He worked so hard for his degree and deserves his day. To be fair, he says he will be far more proud at his passing out parade, but I'm the mum, not the soldier here. Any advice would be gratefully received. Thank you.

Remember that most here were in the Army in the 80s & 90s and have little experience of recent times.

Both seem like reasonable requests but ultimately it will depend on his training platoon staff. Is he going to ITC or Pirbright? If it’s in the first 14 weeks (phase 1) he may struggle. But if it’s in phase 2 he stands a much better chance.

Best bet is ask his AFCO who can advise him but like I said the decision will ultimately lie with his training OC
 

Slime

LE
It is a fair question. Before he finally decided to join up, he was desperately disappointed to have his graduation cancelled, as he has severe dyslexia and it was not certain he would even get to university, let alone graduate. You are quite right, he is far less bothered about it now than I am. In my defence, I am bothered on his behalf mostly. Although my daughters' graduations were wonderful events and I was incredibly proud of them, it is for him that I want the experience of the ceremony. He would like to go, but says his passing out parade would be far more important to him, so I am less upset if he misses it than I would have been.

Having a think think about your initial post, and how you say he thinks he will feel about his passing out parade:

He hasn’t passed out yet, so maybe he will get to go to his graduation or the wedding.

I do hope he does passes out though, as it will be a real and hard earned achievement.

Bearing in mind I am now older and pretty unfit I would see doing a degree or recruit training as follows.
Doing a degree would be something to pass free time, learn something new, and end up with another degree at the end.

I’d hate to even have to start recruit training again. The first time can be immense fun, but not something I’d want to do twice :)
It involves far more dedication and hard work than a degree imho.

Looking at the positive, the sum of completing both the degree and recruit training will be greater than the parts.

Edit.
As per an above post, whether he is allowed to go could be up to the army, but whether he wants to go, or how much missing events would bother him will only become evident as time goes by.
It might be worth getting together later on to see which event would be preferable to attend if he could only get to go to one of them.
 
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Dwarf

LE
It is a fair question. Before he finally decided to join up, he was desperately disappointed to have his graduation cancelled, as he has severe dyslexia and it was not certain he would even get to university, let alone graduate. You are quite right, he is far less bothered about it now than I am. In my defence, I am bothered on his behalf mostly. Although my daughters' graduations were wonderful events and I was incredibly proud of them, it is for him that I want the experience of the ceremony. He would like to go, but says his passing out parade would be far more important to him, so I am less upset if he misses it than I would have been.
All this may be moot as he may well find the time, but will he be going just for you?
Obviously you had a wonderful time with your daughter's graduations and don't want him to miss out.
But just reverse the thinking, your daughters won't have the tremendous experience of a passing out. After the training period he will have a different mindset to his contemporaries and may find a graduation ceremony a bit of an anti-climax. Nice to have it but after passing out it won't be as big as it was for your daughters. You yourself may well feel a bit let down if he doesn't have the same wonderful experience as your daughters. This is simply because he will have moved on quite a lot and for your daughters graduation was a finale to their studies, for him that moment will have passed.
You want him to have the recognition for getting a degree with dyslexia and I fully understand that. But he has the achievement of getting the degree which is important. But I do feel the ceremony won't be as important for him as you want it to be and you risk a let down.
Go with his feelings, and do what he really wants, not what you want him to want. That way nobody gets disappointed.
 

BratMedic

LE
Book Reviewer
I think you might find that the ceremony, tradition and majesty of a well organised and disciplined passing out parade far outweighs the bimbling about with mortar boards being chucked into the air of a graduation, that is not to say that a graduation is any less of an achievement.
 
Hi all, My son has told me that he wants to join up. One of my concerns is that he should be having his Covid postponed graduation one weekday next summer, and also his sister is getting married later in 2022 on a Saturday. Do you know if he will be able to attend these? I know that by the end of next year his basic training should be done, so I am hoping that will be fine for the Saturday wedding unless he is posted away, but I am very anxious about his graduation. He worked so hard for his degree and deserves his day. To be fair, he says he will be far more proud at his passing out parade, but I'm the mum, not the soldier here. Any advice would be gratefully received. Thank you.

He should be able to attend his sisters wedding as it is on a weekend. Most places, even in basic training after a certain point let you out weekends.

If his graduation is on a weekday and it falls during basic training..............no chance. He's in the army now.

If his graduation is after basic training then. like everyone else, he can apply for a days leave and attend.

Point to note: As someone who has completed a degree and awaiting graduation you are referred to as a Graduand. When you graduate and receive your degree in your sweaty hand you are referred to as a graduate.

He can attend any graduation ceremony at any time after he has completed his degree, he does not have to graduate with the rest of his peers. So he can defer it for 6, or 12 months and you and the rest of the family can all still go along. I live in the US and my own daughter should be graduating from a UK university in the next couple of weeks. But, as she is here, and due to covid she has put it off until the January/February 2022 ceremony as have a few of her friends.

PS. I never bothered with my BSc graduation. Lots of hanging around listening to pointless speeches given by a former labour MP, and a serving conservative MP, followed by a couple of university speeches. All the while having to sit on narrow wooden benches with no leg room and no ability to sneak out for a piddle, drink, or ciggy. It took nearly 4 hours. Meanwhile me and my gaggle of fellow students were in a local restaurant, followed by a pub celebrating in our own way having picked up our actual degree certificates in the morning, and not needing a limp, sweaty handshake.
 
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Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
He should be able to attend his sisters wedding as it is on a weekend. Most places, even in basic training after a certain point let you out weekends.

If his graduation is on a weekday and it falls during basic training..............no chance. He's in the army now.

If his graduation is after basic training then. like everyone else, he can apply for a days leave and attend.

Point to note: As someone who has completed a degree and awaiting graduation you are referred to as a Graduand. When you graduate and receive your degree in your sweaty hand you are referred to as a graduate.

He can attend any graduation ceremony at any time after he has completed his degree, he does not have to graduate with the rest of his peers. So he can defer it for 6, or 12 months and you and the rest of the family can all still go along. I live in the US and my own daughter should be graduating from a UK university in the next couple of weeks. But, as she is here, and due to covid she has put it off until the January/February 2022 ceremony as have a few of her friends.

PS. I never bothered with my BSc graduation. Lots of hanging around listening to pointless speeches given by a former labour MP, and a serving conservative MP, followed by a couple of university speeches. All the while having to sit on narrow wooden benches with no leg room and no ability to sneak out for a piddle, drink, or ciggy. It took nearly 4 hours. Meanwhile my gaggle of fellow students was in a local restaurant, followed by a pub celebrating in our own way having picked up our actual degree certificates in the morning, and not needing a limp sweaty handshake.


No handshake in Dundee, you get your head touched with a historic cap.

Much more hygienic.
 
If he performs true to previous generations, he will likely not come home, other than to have you do his laundry, and he will spend the rest of his free time getting bladdered with his bezzas.
 

Dwarf

LE

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