Quality WIND UPS and Army SLANG !!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by New Q, Feb 5, 2002.

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  1. How many of you out there have been at the sharp end of a quality wind up like being sent to the QM's for a Tin of DPM Paint or the classic Long Stand for an SLR or even the collection of fallopian tubes for the 432 from the OC ? there are so many why not share them with the junior members of the site so that they may also continue the good work of the professional WIND UP.

    Also if you know any purely military terms that a civvy would not then please post those also.

    ie: a cup of tea or coffee NATO ?
  2. Sent a new sprog for a demolition guard once,

    gash is a good bit of slang that always confuses civvies :D
  3. Sent someone to sweep the glidepath at Gut, and sent somone else to RHQ in search of an ID 10 T form.  AAAH thems wus the days me 'lad
  4. The real golden oldie: "go to the CQMS and ask for a long weight".
  5. A favorite I remember was being sent to the Guardroom for the keys to the INDOOR Mortar range.

    Also being sent to the QM's for a new bubble for a spirit level.


  6. Sending the NIG to the Tiffy for a 'face punch'
  7. Sending Sprogs to the RAO to ask for a verbal agreement form is always a good one.
  8. The old favourite for a new boy in Germany: sent to the schnellie for ' ein einbahnstrasse mit pommes'. Worked every time.
  9. A getting new Troop Leaders to go to the QM Tech to ask for a new elipse for the gunners sight - preferabley making sure he wore full NBC kit due to the radiation hazard!

    ..or explaining that to tighten tank tracks one had to punmp the lever located on either side of the tank, just forward of the drivers hatch.....these really being the wing-mirror stalks!

    ..but of course, the 'new subbie' wind-ups were always good, we had one chap in Germany believe that the Orderley Officer's duties included gritting the roads around Fally.  He was to be seen standing on the back of a 4T wearing his Blues shovelling grit all over the strasse!!!  Obviously he became known (and still is) as Gritter!
  10. I was borrowed by XX Bn The XXXXXXXXXXXXXX once to help with a windup on three new subbies. They were met at the airport by the standard OC-dressed-as-scruffy-insubordinate-LCpl and then driven in a tearing hurry to meet a Teeny-Weeny Airways Gazelle, which lifted off with them on board to "show them the GDP".

    They flew as far as  a BGS training area, which contained a replica section of the IGB and the pilot did the old "I usually fly over just to show them who's boss", cut the engines and autorotated onto the "Eastern" side, where BGS guys in their combat uniforms converged, grabbed all four, bagged and cuffed the subbies and carried them off... into the back of a van, which then drove around for an hour, with gruff Germanic conversation ongoing, before delivering them to a cold, dank cellar - actually the basement of the Officers' Mess at XXXX Barracks.

    Here they, still bagged, were stripped to their shreddies and locked in "cells" for a while, before being dragged out by fellow officers in Russian uniforms and, on being unbagged, being subjected to a tirade in Russian by yours truly, masquerading as a MR Colonel, who also accused them of illegally invading the Ppeaceful DDR, being spies etc.

    After a few hours, they were dragged up the stairs, bags removed and found themselves facing their new Mess, resplendent in Mess kit.

    Had a very awkward meeting some weeks later with all three when I was sitting outside a cafe in XXXX, enjoying a Saturday morning cigarette and cup of coffee and all three sat down at the same table and seemed to want to discuss matters of pith and moment :)
  11. Sadly the days of this one are now gone as the main requirement is a morturary...and all of the BMH's are gone now

    Take 1 sprog with an explanation of a wind up where AN other is going to be got, however you need someone that person has never seen... hence "you Mr new boy".  The new boy is the taken to the morturary where the explanation is made that they are required to lay in one of the drawers, within the stiff fridge, whilst you bring in the person to be wound up.... then you open the drawer and the new boy sits up saying "hello" apparently scaring the holey sh*t out of the person you are allegedly winding up.

    You then place them into the drawer and close it pretending to leave the room... these drawers have no handles on the inside , obviously,   given enough time the blokes eyes become accostomed to the dark and as they do they realise that they are lying next to a real dead person..... who waits an appropriate ammount of time before turning to the sucker and saying "cold isnt it"   Trust me that is a loud scream!!
  12. :p A good trick that i once played on the nig (New In Germany.........For any civvies looking on this site) was send him to the G1098 store (technical stores for signing out tools etc again for civvies), A left handed screwdriver, A skirting board ladder and some sky hooks and to add for good measure, A long stand.  ;D ;D ;D
  13. we always send the new sprogs to the naffi to get fags and beer and stuff and tell them well give them the dosh when they come back and we never do
  14. This windup requires a couple of players

    First find a new Sprog to windup and send him to the G10 for a chainsaw...... next someone else (rank helps) needs to "intercept" said sprog and give him a sealed envelope ordering him to take it straight to the SSM without dropping off the chainsaw.  Instruct said sprog to wait in the SSM's office for the reply.

    The windup is thus....  Inside the envelope is a letter which reads "Sir, give me the Sqn PRI money or I'll cut you to pieces with the chainsaw"  or similar

    If no chainsaw is available then Axe works just as well ........... :D
  15. There was this one time when we sent a nig to the Guardroom with a shovel in his hand to give the Provo Sgt a small note in an envelope which we had wrote!!! As the Provo read the letter, he found it to say 'If you don't give me all your money, I'm gonna wack you over the head with this f***ing shovel!!!  The poor nig ended up getting 10 days ROP's!!!  Well it was funny at the time - as we did'nt think he was stupid enough to do it.