QM orders Buzz Aldrin back to the Moon

"Nip over to 1 Coy and nick one of their hand bumpers when they are at grub or I'll f**kin' bill you!" Yep

"Get you scaley littering arse back out there and bring back those spangles wrappers." Not a Q Bloke but a fieldcraft and tactics instructor who was very, very serious about not leaving any traces for an enemy to find. He physically examined everyone's trash at endex ( Apparently he was a tartar at home as well, his missus stabbed him and left.)
 

orgASMic

War Hero
Neither Buzz Aldrin nor Neil Armstrong will find their diffy items, they've long since been nicked by space pikeys.
The Apollo programme left more kit on the Moon than the equivalent number of pikeys fly-tipping their gash on a school playground: 6 LEM landing stages, 3 moon buggies, a flag, some cameras and a number of golf balls. The QM would have gone mad!

I seem to remember (a long time ago) a joke advert for a giveaway of free secondhand Hasselblad cameras - you just had to go to the Moon to fetch them.
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Fecking typical, almost as soon as we get there some fecking jobsworth in BHQ wants to do an "Area Clean"!
 
That will really upset the conspiracy theorists in oh so many ways.
Saw a programme on German TV a few days ago, each and every argument of the conspiracy theorists was debunked one by one. Most of the arguments against the conspiracy are simple physics which a 15 year in the run up to O levels* would know.


* Or whatever it's called these days.
 
Prior to a Board of Officers for outgoing/incoming CO's to "borrow" kit to balance the books.
Then write it off over the next year to then have the correct numbers, previous QM not in to creative accounting.
All worked well and every one at Brigade seemed to know about it!
 
Fecking typical, almost as soon as we get there some fecking jobsworth in BHQ wants to do an "Area Clean"!
they are supposedly sending a crew of women to the moon

I had no idea it needed cleaning
 
they are supposedly sending a crew of women to the moon

I had no idea it needed cleaning
May I refer you to orgasmics post no 4. There's shed loads of gash to be removed plus all that moon dust, gathered over a few thousand million years.
 

overopensights

ADC
Book Reviewer
I was left behind in Shlesweg? with ten men and with the task of collecting the empty cases from Bn field firing exercises, we had about five areas to clear and were given one week to compete it. "I want at least 400.000 empty cases" demanded the QM and followed with "There are 38 cases to the Pound" it may have been kilos? It was a an awful task and with a bitter cold wind coming off the Baltic. We proceeded, as soldiers do and worked out that one large handful of cases equaled one pound. we accumulated hundreds of sandbags full and delivered them to the local railway station. After five days, I rang the QM and said we had finished ...MISTAKE! He insisted we spend the last two days going back over the same ground, which I only tentatively did. I rang him again on day seven and said we had completed all ranges, silence for a moment then I said "Sir I think we are about a hundred rounds down" Lacking in any sense of humour he replied "That's OK I am allowed to write off a third of the rounds fired. "
 

Blogg

LE
One day, a long screwdriver went missing from a shadow board. The individual "responsible" for this vastly complex and expensive device was horribly OCD and went nuts, questioning all and sundry, raking through anything and everything, grovelling under benches with a torch and generally being even more of an utter dick than usual.

Happily, the missing object was one day returned to him: rammed through the radiator of his highly polished but shit car.
 
Wandering through the Depot one lunch time, everyone over in the Mess Hall, quarter of a mile away and I see THAT rifle propped up against the wall. Immediate thought, "ooooh xmas has come early", was soon displaced with the honesty of getting it down to the armoury.

I walked past the Mess Hall to get to the armoury and heard lot's of very loud shouty noises from inside the foyer followed by lot's of running noises. 2+2 = Recruit with no weapon and Severely displeased Cpl.

The recruit hurtles out of the Mess Hall, I hold up the rifle, he see's me and hurtles down to collect it.

Turned out he had gone in for a piss, leaving the rifle up against the wall, marched down to the armoury where they had all handed in their weapons apart from him. He did not realise (Duh!) until he was in the lunch queue and told his Cpl...........who ordered him to find it or he would turn him into a popsicle with his pace stick.
 
Wandering through the Depot one lunch time, everyone over in the Mess Hall, quarter of a mile away and I see THAT rifle propped up against the wall. Immediate thought, "ooooh xmas has come early", was soon displaced with the honesty of getting it down to the armoury.

I walked past the Mess Hall to get to the armoury and heard lot's of very loud shouty noises from inside the foyer followed by lot's of running noises. 2+2 = Recruit with no weapon and Severely displeased Cpl.

The recruit hurtles out of the Mess Hall, I hold up the rifle, he see's me and hurtles down to collect it.

Turned out he had gone in for a piss, leaving the rifle up against the wall, marched down to the armoury where they had all handed in their weapons apart from him. He did not realise (Duh!) until he was in the lunch queue and told his Cpl...........who ordered him to find it or he would turn him into a popsicle with his pace stick.
Did He live to regret it?
 

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