QANTAS Tech Support

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a 'gripe sheet' which tells
> the mechanic about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form and the pilots then review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers (marked with an S).
> By the way Qantas has one of the best safety records of any major airline.
> P: Left inside tyre almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside tyre.
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> P: Dead bugs on windshield. > >> S: Live bugs on back-order.
> P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute > >> descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
> S: That's what they're for.
> P: IFF inoperative
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> P: Suspected crack in windshield
> S: Suspect you're right.
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Target radar reprogrammed with lyrics.
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
> and one of my favorites.
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget.
> Have a nice day
I think i am sufocating laughing :D

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