Purple Parade Gloss

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Apr 22, 2005.

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  1. I have been working in an empty house this week and today I had a filthy thought bouncing around my mind and nothing other than a good hand shandy would sort it out.

    I made my way up to the top floor of the three storey abode, not locking the door to add an element of danger. removed my shoes, jeans and shreddies and began to knock one out.

    I looked down at my rather angry dome and was quietly astounded at how shiney it looked....... If I could have reached I'd have inflated my legs through it :D

    Afterwards I got to thinking about how shiney you could make you bobbies helmet and wondered whether or not parade gloss would work.... the thought of the tiny circular motions on it are making the old boy stir in my shreddies as we speak and am wondering if there is a Selvyt cloth anywhere in the house.

    Anyone tried? anyone ever had a bash at bulling thier bulb?

    I'm gonna have a bash and will report back tomorrow, thankfully being a civvy I won't have to worry about it not being up to standard and some nasty Drill pig stamping on it :D
  2. I'd love to do that for you MDN... i would take great pride in gripping the base of your rocket and using the tips of my fingers work the Parade Gloss onto your helmet......... before for applying the back of a heated spoon to it :D
  3. The pinnacle of excellence for any military man is to have a grimper of such intesity that his face is clearly visable in it. Some feel it's the day they pass training. Others feel it's shagging your first fat chick. All these endeavours are in the pursuit of excellence and should not doubt be applauded. However, imagine if you will an erection of such force that your Capt Picard looks like you have been bulling it for hours. You don't need parade gloss MDN just patience. As the late, great Roy Castle once sang "if you want to be the best and you want to beat the rest, dedication's what you need. Think on :D
  4. You may find that a 7 foot long sardine can key will come in useful before you try
  5. 8O 8O 8O I'm gonna go again in a minute

    But the bit about the spoon physically made me cross my legs, cringe and wince
  6. Not as much as her rolling 11 stones of fat back up your gut with a 7 foot long sardine can key will though
  7. If you are residing in a hotel, can you leave it outside your door and pick the beshined article up next morning?
  8. I find that a brilliant natural shine can be obtained if you can manage, after a three week exercise, to peel the accumulated fromage frais off in one piece.

  9. Lovely thought - it reminded me of that slide in the "Personal hygiene" brief given before shooting off (so to speak) on ops. The helmet in question was definitely a candidate for a show parade, being dull and manky to the point of complete en-cakement with smeg.

    The offending member was apparently photographed in the Med Centre in Belize and was attached at that time to a member of the PARA Reg. It took four large violent characters to restrain him when the MO peeled his monk's cowl back. I expect they docked his pay for having a member prejudicial to good order and military discipline contrary to the Army Act...

    Oh and while I think about it, why is riding a moped, like shagging a fat bird? They are both fun things to do until your mates see you on one! Must dash, I left my bell-end soaking in Kleer floor polish...
  10. Would shellack be of any use for that ultra-shiny bell end look? Reliable sources inform me that this is where the phrase "and then I gave her a good shellacking" originated.
  11. W*nking in an empty house? I'm fcuking speechless.
  12. Yep, your mum passed the window as I shot my bolt so I opened the window and lobbed it on her :D
  13. The best thing I found to use is the head hair of the gilie type that has just noshed you off and made you spray your 'Harry Monk' in her hair as she pops it out 'cos she wont swollow....bitch.

    This has two uses...
    1) point out to her that next time she will do it properly or end up getting red eye again and ..

    2) the range glue drying mix along with said hair will act as 'scubbrite' buffer and will produce something to make Mr sheen proud off..

    Failing that use one of those machines found outside hotel room for shoes :0
  14. W*nking in a f*cking empty house.
  15. Sounds like a painful vocation if you ask me!!

    MDN, is this practice for your pleasure alone or did you record it on a camera phone for mrs MDN to view. 8O

    Also, have you achieved the all important tornado nose cone finish yet? :D